Earlier, you used to share the same opinion regarding almost every single thing (from the latest Justin Bieber’s single to those ugly purple shoes of Lady Gaga). Both of you feared the same exams and helped the rest of the class to cheat behind your Math teacher. You lived under one roof without any conflicts for a while. You have never won the guy from each other.
But something went wrong… You may wonder what the reason for your break-up is, but you’ll never know for sure. Well, you still might be friends, but the desire to kill him/her sometimes makes you worry. You feel the difference in preferences, and shaped outlook are not the causes. Well, perhaps our first self-made friendship tests based on the latest psychological researches will give you the clue. So, are you ready to hear the truth?
We have covered four possible dimensions that can be the reasons for your misunderstanding. Those are ENVY, JEALOUS, and two more we'll discuss in the next article.
1. You believe that your friend is…
A. A less attractive version o’mine.
B. My better side.
C. As attractive as I am.
D. I cannot judge people of the same gender.
2. All of a sudden, he/she gets the latest series smartphone, dress/vehicles of your dream, and a pretty boyfriend/girlfriend. How do you feel about that?
A. Hurrey! He/she deserves it!
B. Hurrey! I’ll get the same ASAP because we go hand in hand with each other.
C. Perfect! Now he/she is gonna to remind about it each time we see each other.
D. Oh well, oh well. I’ll take it all away or do everything to have it all immediately.
3. It makes me feel uncomfortable when…
A. I do something better than my friend does.
B. She/he receives something I have always dreamt about.
C. He/she is stuck in problems – I still worry.
D. He/she is rubbing own face in front of me. I feel deprived when other people boast.
4. Have you ever thought about the personal achievements and features like skills or weight of each other? Did you compare?
A. Of course! We are the best friends after all.
B. Not at all. We usually discuss the philosophy of Kant and the last Oprah’s show.
C. I have asked about it several times out of curiosity.
D. Yes, but I had no idea to compare us.
5. Have you ever been compared with other kids in terms of their higher achievements?
A. Always. My neighbor, Tom was doing better with his academic performance while my cousin Mary seemed better for helping my mom with her household.
B. As a rule, I figured as an example for the rest of the children.
C. My parents have perceived me as a separate individual.
D. I don’t really remember…
Now, have a look at the table below and count the amount of each sign.
3+ Medals. It’s all about competition. You always put yourself in front of your friend. You are sick and tired of being weaker in some things. Your self-assessment has dropped dramatically – that’s the clue. Stop assessing yourself – forget about your bad mood or last failure. Pay more attention to those things which make you feel excited rather than depressed.
3+ Frogs. Oh, c’mon! You are really envious of your friend’s achievements. That makes you feel worse next to her/him. Perhaps, he/she even provokes the situation by highlighting personal success too often. Stop falling for it – after all, all people are different. Some of his/her attributes may attract some people while in other life situations you are the winner. Focus on own achievements and advantages. Perhaps, he/she is doing better in charming the opposite gender, but you are better with your academic performance. Thus, you might have more career opportunities.
2+ Hearts. It’s just the question of time. Your relations require a small repair because of some confusing situation or inappropriate interpretation of his/her words or actions. Call her/his for a conversation in a cozy place like Starbucks to have a sincere summer evening. But promise to keep silent in case he/she starts debating – it will help to save your friendship.
3+ Smiles. Envy has nothing to do with your case. Just go on passing our tests to discover the truth.
1. If the third person joins your company…
A. …It will get even more exciting!
B. It means “Bye, bye, my love.”
C. It’s just another reason for gossiping.
D. I won’t make friends with either of them (of course, in case I was not the one to bring the third person).
2. She met the guy of her dream. Now, she spends less time with you. You will…
A. Wait. Wait until those relations drop, burn, die, whatever.
B. Accept the situation. This love from the first sight won’t last forever; romanticism will be gone very soon. Then, we’ll have enough time to catch up.
C. Take it easy. Now she simply has a new item on her daily schedule. 24 hours are still enough to reach a compromise. I will find another leisure like visiting additional courses or doing some sports.
D. Keep it silent, despite it hurts. Anyway, every dog has his day – I’ll find my love as well.
3. Your friend is getting ready to enroll at the college/university of her/his desire. Or he/she is actively applying for the job. She/he has no time to watch “Hatiko” with you.
A. That’s great! I won’t disturb her/him during this period.
B. It’s just about time to search for the new friend.
C. I’ll figure it out by explaining there is no way to forget your friends despite the ambitions.
D. That’s okay: I’m a rather independent person. I’ll make it on my own.
4. She/he was offered to go abroad for the attractive internship/training program.
A. Paris or me!
B. She has to take me as well.
C. Let’s consider all “pros” and “cons.” I can have more “cons”, but in case she has another opinion…
D. I will cheer her/him up by making a small present. By the way, she/he won’t need her/his guitar and boyfriend/girlfriend over there… Hmmm J
5. She/he is now sharing fewer secrets and plans with you. You don’t get it…
A. Maybe, there is some offense I am not aware of? Anyway, I am upset, and I’ll keep worrying until everything changes.
B. It is the beginning of the end.
C. I’ll just ask about it.
D. It’s up to him/her – I have a plenty of other tasks to do.
Now, have a look at the table below and count the amount of each sign.
3+ Locks. You treat your friend as a private property – it makes us worry how you treat your partner then. Perhaps, you are building social connections poorly, so this friend is the only one you currently have. Let her/him go for some time: by giving more freedom to the people around you, you will soon gain even more of them in your life.
3+ Signs. You are jealous because of something or somebody. And you know it for sure. Perhaps, she/he is really dedicating less time to your friendship. We have to face various life obstacles that check the reliability of other people in our lives. But new life opportunities do not necessarily mean you won’t spend time together. You can always find a compromise in such case. So, you can either give her/him a hint or accept the situation.
2+ Fires. As for today, your relations are one “knee situation.” It’s getting even hotter. But it’s not just that one of you is simply jealous: a gap could appear because of new interests, different places of education, new friends, and more. It’s up to you to do the first step on the way to your atonement and rehabilitation: call him/her more often, invite to go somewhere, make small gifts, etc. Volunteering activities or loud rock gig might help.
4+ Suns. Nobody is jealous around. Then what’s the cause? Let’s move on searching for it in the next part of this article.