Reasons for Quarrels between Friends - Essay Example

?6 Reasons for Quarrels Between Friends We begin to make friendships with other people of the same age from the minute that our mother's set up our first sand box play date. We grow up with those kids and learn how to socialize with them with our parents hoping that we will create life-long bonds with these other children that will result in lifelong friendships and that is the storybook idea of how a friendship is cultivated. The reality is that not all friendships are meant to last forever. Friendships, just like the other people in our lives, come and go for various reasons. Sometimes friendships end naturally. Other times, the end of a friendship is a willful act on the part of both parties because, as Burbach (2012) explains it; the issues between friends becomes so “... severe and demonstrate a lack of trust and respect. In these cases, a firm break up may be the right answer. “She goes on to explain the reasons as to why friends could end up arguing and what the end result of that action brings for the parties concerned. As we grow up, we come to realize that we may have a lot of friends, but only one whom we feel deeply close and connected to. That person is termed as a best friend. A best friend is someone whom we share our inner most thoughts and feelings with. That friend is the physical representation of the trust that we have learned to share with other people. Then something happens, your best friend betrays you for some reason. The betrayal could be something as petty as telling your parents about the day that you skipped school to go see a movie or something major (as in the case of adults) that resulted in the breaking of the trust because your best friend told someone else about your secret or, in some cases, started some gossip about you based upon the secrets that you told her. Whatever the reason, the trust you gave that person was broken. The betrayal you feel can be so severe that arguing with your friend does not produce a healthy solution to the situation. Sometimes the only logical path for your relationship to take with that person is to end the friendship since the sense of betrayal is sometimes overwhelming. Other times the reason for the break-up or quarrel in a friendship stems from the lack of support from people whom you expected to have your back during rough patches of your life. Say for example you move to a new school but still live in the same neighborhood. Your classmates used to be the same kids who lived on the same block. Now, you have a totally new set of classmates whom you have to adjust to because the new school standards and social set up is a far cry from your old one. When you get home, you expect to see your neighbors, whom you consider to be friends, and spend time with them. Sharing your thoughts and feelings and just letting them know how hard it is to adjust to your new set up. However, instead of lending you an ear and offering you a shoulder to cry on, your friend or friends choose instead to make a joke out of your situation and make you feel like an outsider within a group of people whom you thought were your friends. This lack of support can often be a major cause of friction between friends that could also lead to the breakup of friendships if the problem is not resolved in time. Oftentimes such cases of lack of friend support are just a minor reason for arguments between friends and, if caught in time, the friendship can actually still be mended. Let's not forget, arguments between friends can also be caused by petty jealousy over things as simple as who looked better in an outfit, or who got the higher grade in a test. This feeling of inferiority between friends often results in the jealous friend acting all unreasonable and mean towards the other friend who is deemed to have gotten the better result in a given situation. This failure to be happy for the success of other friends is a major cause of arguments between friends but can usually be ironed out in the end with a simple explanation. Jealousy does not often result in the end of friendships. But can escalate certain tensions between friends that could cause the major argument and breakup of the friendship. However, when friends find themselves arguing about the same topics, people, or things repeatedly, there could be an escalation in the arguments that can spin out of control. The escalation is caused by the impatience or lack of understanding between friends. When this happens, both parties no longer hear reason coming from either side and one-track minds tend to take over. The result in the end is a severe and ugly breakup between friends that most often can no longer be mended. When a friend begins to doubt the sincerity of a friend, the result is a lack of communication termed as the “silent treatment” or “cold shoulder”. This is a situation that arises between two friends who discover that the other did something to hurt the other and vice versa but in a misguided attempt to preserve the friendship, both parties choose to remain silent instead of talking about it. When what was supposed to be a minor misunderstanding finds other misunderstandings piled upon it, the result is a major argument between friends. Although it might be possible to save such friendships, sometimes the situation becomes so severe that the doubt can no longer be overcome between the two of them. Paris Hilton was the one whom I believe coined the next term describing an action between so-called friends that often results in major arguments between the two. The term is “frenemy”, a combination of the words “friends” and “enemy”. A frenemy if the worst kind of “friend” that a person can have because that person proves to be not only a two faced liar, but also a user who does things to get on the good side of a person only to betray that person in the end by betraying the friend, not supporting the friend, and most importantly, pretend that she or he has the best interest of the friend at heart when in actuality, all his actions result in negative things happening to the other person and the “frenemy” taking great pride and joy in watching the events unfold. This is a major reason from an argument between friends and most often times, the result of the nasty argument can never be reversed. Just ask Paris Hilton. She has had more arguments and friendships breakup over the above 6 reasons more than any other person I know. Sometimes arguing with friends when a friendship is clearly in trouble does not resolve anything. Rather it only creates more animosity between the two and causes feelings of hurt that could be avoided if only the friendship were allowed to die a natural death by giving each other space and time apart until the friendship is finally forgotten and with it, the pain and reasons for the arguments become nothing but a blur that can barely be remembered by both parties. References Burbach, C.(2012). Reasons for breaking up with a friend. Building Strong Friendships. about.com. Retrieved from http://friendship.about.com/od/Conflicts_With_Friends/tp/Reasons-For-Breaking-Up- With-A-Friend.htm Read More