Gendered Differences in Conversation Style - Essay Example

The essays, especially the one by Deborah Tannen, however, also reveal a tendency on the part of the authors to essentialize women in a way that would compromise feminist projects in the long run. The essay by Solnit focuses on the need that men feel for a certain brand of masculine exhibitionism. She argues that men feel the urge to do so with women as it helps stroke their ego. Debunking conventional myths regarding women, and men’s perceptions regarding them, she cites her own experiences as the reason for her writing the essay.

She relates a story of a man she met at a party at Aspen talked to her at length about a book that he had only read a review of. The book turned out to be one that was authored by her and this put the man in a position that was embarrassing. What Solnit finds disturbing, however, is how she was led into believing in the existence of another book similar in the subject of discussion to hers, released around the same time. She locates the source of this gullibility in the way in which en treat women in general and the gendered arrogance that provides them with a false sense of confidence while they speak to women as is seen in the reaction of the man- That I was indeed the author of the very important book it turned out he hadn't read, just read about in the New York Times Book Review a few months earlier, so confused the neat categories into which his world was sorted that he was stunned speechless (Solnit).

This leads to a relationship of inequality, positions that make communication difficult, if not impossible. Theories that seek to explain sexual difference such as the Freudian one, also seek to place men in a position of superiority. The conversational style derives much from this perceived and false sense of superiority that men have, vis-a-vis women. This often leads them to talk to women in a manner that is suitable only for a conversation with children. This again pushes back the process of negotiation that is essential for any kind of relationship to exist between the two sexes (Solnit).

Tannen’s essay deals with the problems that men and women face while dealing with their partners of the opposite sex. The essay looks at the basic differences in the ways in which men and women look at existence itself and how it affects the ways in which they converse. Men, Tannen argues, base their existences upon an urge to improve or maintain their statuses in the society, an attitude that differs from women who seek to build relationships of intimacy. Tannen refers to popular representations of marriage that reinforce the conversational styles that are adopted by the two sexes.

The highly gendered modes of communication between these two sexes are based upon a lack of understanding between the two (Tannen). Such a lack of communication is based upon an inability to accept the ways in which the other thinks and reacts. She argues that this is a result of an unwillingness to accept the existence of another perspective. She speaks of a situation where men are unwilling to respond to the needs of women during a conversation. As an example, she cites the example of her own parents.

When my mother tells my father she doesn't feel well, he invariably offers to take her to the doctor. Invariably, she is disappointed with his reaction. Like many