Learning to Cherish - Essay Example

Learn to Cherish My life fell apart twelve years ago when my mother absconded our family and eloped with a neighbor. Whereas I was probably too young to understand the development, I overheard that she had some unresolved issues with my father. Rather than sit down with my father and resolve the issues, she decided to run away. For the next one decade, all we could hear was that the two had been spotted in this town and the other. Meanwhile, the damage she had caused at home was simply irreparable. I was barely eight years old when she abandoned us. At the age of three, our last born sibling was hardly out of diapers. Unable to cope with the loss, my father swiftly degenerated into a hopeless drunkard. Friday morning was the last time we would see him in the week. After work on Friday he no longer came home. Instead he went on a drinking spree with his friends, a spree that would last till Monday morning. Then we would come back home very early in the morning to take a shower, change and go to work. Apart from paying the bills and buying food, he simply no longer cared about what was happening at home. From what I heard, he had become irresponsible even at work and was threatened with being fired anytime. For me, and I guess for the whole family, what made the experience even more painful was the knowledge that my mother had eloped with a man who was not just our neighbor, but also the father of my childhood friend and first playmate. I hated her passionately. Given the worsening situation at home, one of our maternal aunties took custody of our last born while one of our elder sisters, already married at the time, took me in. As I left home I could not help but worry about my father. My younger sibling and I had found refuge in my aunt and sister, respectively. As for my father, now left alone at home, no one seemed to care for him; it was though he had been left to drink himself to death. In the few months that followed my leaving home, I learned from my sister that my uncles had tried to intervene in my fathers situation, but given up shortly afterwards after they had concluded that he could not be helped. In the days and months that followed, my sister avoided my fathers story every time I brought up: she was not interested. She was even opposed to me visiting him. For the decade that followed my mother’s elopement, I have since lived with two of my sisters and a host of other relatives. In all my wanderings amongst my siblings and relatives, I will never forget the unceremonious way in which my first sister who took me in dismissed me. Early one morning she dumped me at one of our aunties’, instructing another sister of ours who lived less than five kilometers away to pick me up. I have never understood why she could not take me right to my sister’s place. After a decade of absence, my mother at last reappeared in mid-2013. What shocked me even the more was the fact that my father accepted to take her in. Im still struggling to understand my fathers reckless move; how did he know what she had been up to in her wanderings. To date I strongly disapprove of my fathers decision. Nonetheless, shortly after returning, my mother asked that our last-born and I return home. Our last-born has since returned home, but I refused; she had no need of me a decade ago so she abandoned me when I needed her the most. Now, I have no need of her. However, events would take a dramatic twist when within six months of returning home, my mother was hospitalized for what the doctors described as a life-threatening condition. To me, that description was another name for HIV/AIDS – the natural consequence of loose living. I vowed never to see her, not even on her deathbed. More importantly, I feared for my father and hoped that he had been rational enough to avoid intimacy with her. It was around this time that I chanced upon Janna Malamud Smith’s Shipwreckedon the Internet in mid-2014. In this story, Smith juxtaposes the story of Robinson Crusoe who recovers his ship a day after it has been wrecked by a storm against her story of the death of her mother (Smith ). The story enables her to cope with her storm, even though it is of a kind that from Crusoes. At first, the story had little relevance to me. Rather, I was drawn to it by Smiths creativity in juxtaposing her story with that of Robinson Crusoe. However, the story began to speak to me the more I read it. By then, my worst fear had been confirmed: my mother was HIV positive and because she had delayed seeking medical attention, her condition was critical and worsening by the day. Already I had started to contemplate the fact that her death was investable. It was only a matter of time. Fortunately, my father turned out to be and is still HIV negative. When Smiths mother lived, their relationship had been stormy; Smith considered her overprotective yet weak. More importantly, Smith hated her mother for being attracted to one of her fathers friends. The man was a World War II veteran and, therefore, tougher and more "resourceful" than smiths father. Because of his resourcefulness, he had come to the rescue of Smiths mother on a number of occasions such as when the car ran of gas or the tap needed to be fixed. In a rather sarcastic tone, Smith claims that her mother “liked being rescued”(Smith ). As a result, the relationship between Smith and her mother grew colder by the day, even though the latter made every effort to win the affection of her daughter. For instance, Smith confides in her reader that while she considered her a mother as such – her mother, she rarely considered herself her daughter. This statement is a profound one and tells us the extent of detachment between the two. Their conversations also grew colder over time. However, certain developments would later alter Smiths attitude towards her mother, hence the way she related to her. For the last twenty of her 89 years, Smiths mother suffered multiple sclerosis. Then, for the last eight years, her condition worsened as a result of which Smith now had to spend more time with her (Smith ). She finally dies while Smith is briefly out of town, Smith is shocked by her sudden death. For the several months that follow, Smith is severely haunted by the death and, more importantly, the memories of her mother. She wishes that she had reconciled with her mother while she lived. While she gains courage from Robinson Crusoe’s story, their situations are quite different: Crusoe recovers his ship the morning following its wreckage (Smith ), but for Smith her mother is dead and gone forever. There is a similarity between Smith and myself: both of us consider ourselves offended by our mothers. In fact, in my case, I could say that she betrayed not just me, but the entire family. However, I must learn from her mistake: she did not forgive her mother while she lived and now that she is dead, the guilt haunts her (Smith ). Now that I know that my mother is bound to die sooner than later, I must let go my anger and hatred and reach out to her. Indeed, Shipwrecked has changed my attitude towards my mother, even though our differences remain. I have learned to cherish her while she lives. Work Cited Smith, Malamud Janna. "Shipwrecked." 1 March 2008. The American Scholar. Web. 28 February 2015. Read More