Unhealthy Relationships - Essay Example

Unhealthy Relationships An unhealthy relationship is a union of needy and sick individuals in the sense of romantic love. One of the individuals in an unhealthy relationship always fools themselves and their partner to believe that they are their givers and protectors. The condition of such a relationship is one of uncertainty, neediness, anger, suspicion and insecurity. Once an individual enters into an unhealthy relationship, they can no longer recognize unacceptable and harmful behavior. Such individuals can no longer grasp the concepts of healthy relationships (Draucker, Martsolf and Stephenson). In these relationships, one is either the victim or a parasite, what is interesting is that these roles change periodically in the occurrence of an emotionally charged situation, for instance, a bitter argument. This is always accompanied by loud and angry outbursts from the repressed individual. The levels of aggression after an outburst can vary from either party, one of them can get sicker than the other partner. They can both trade insults, and such types of abuse can occur in different ways, abuse can either be indiscernible or blatant. It might also be subconscious or unintentional, whatever the method, the damage can be grave to the recipient. These types of abuse can be difficult to explain, and this makes it hard for friends and family to intervene and offer help. Gaining comfort, supporting one another and keeping each other happy are the basics of a relationship whether healthy or unhealthy. The main difference between the two types of relationships is that the couple in a healthy relationship work equally. A healthy relationship consists of checks and balances, individuality, equality and compromise. In an abusive relationship, one partner takes the advantage of these goals and uses them against their counterpart to manipulate them into doing whatever they wish. Unhealthy relationships have no compromise, no individuality and have forced inequality. Abusers often use excuses that do not come across as demanding making it hard for the partner to know what they want. This is one tactic of taking advantage of someone and in such a relationship; one partner may try to please the other to make their relationship stable. With a majority of abusive relationships being identified among the young people, they develop into young adults, who are more likely to continue the violence in their relationships. The important thing about understanding the types of relationships is that each and every one of us is bound to enter into a relationship or various relationships within our lifetime. Following the warnings and signs of an abusive relationship can be helpful to us or our close acquaintances. Unhealthy relationships are prevalent across the United States with each and every one of us having a family member or a friend who has encountered such a relationship. Young people especially girls and women between the ages of sixteen and twenty-four are the most affected. One and a half million students in high schools experience a form of abuse from a dating partner every year (Loveisrespect.org). One in three adolescents within the United States has suffered sexual, physical, emotional and verbal abuse from a partner. One in ten high school students has experienced physical abuse from a girlfriend or a boyfriend. In college, almost half of the women have reported abuse and violent dating behaviors. A majority of people do not know how to deal with unhealthy relationships with fifty-seven percent stating that it is difficult, and fifty-eight percent saying that they are unable to help. The abuse may even go digital with thirty-six percent of college students in relationships providing their partner with their passwords and internet access devices. Sixteen percent of college women have also reported having experienced sexual abuse while in a relationship (Loveisrespect.org). The focus of harmful relationships among teenagers is important because teen dating violence has been directly linked to long-term negative effects. Teenagers who have involved themselves in psychological and physical dating relationships are the more likely to repeat these adverse relationships in adulthood. This conclusion came about after a study by the Cornell University compared these teens with others in healthy dating relationships. In this report, the authors revealed that boys and girls have reported aggressive dating experiences, with more females than males reporting to have experienced psychological and physical violence, 31%, and 30% respectively (ScienceDaily). The study consisted of 5,681 heterosexual American youths between twelve to eighteen years of age. They were later interviewed as young adults, five years later and asked about their dating experiences, behavioral and mental health. About twenty percent confirmed psychological violence with nine percent affirming both psychological and physical abuse. Only two percent of these individuals confirmed physical abuse alone (ScienceDaily). In the early adulthood stage, females who had faced some form of dating violence reported high depression levels, suicidal thoughts and were more likely to engage in alcohol. On the other hand, males exhibited anti-social behaviors, used hard drugs like marijuana and also had suicidal thoughts. This study confirms that teen dating violence leads to potential long term violence in relationships. No relationship starts off with an abusive nature; it is initially full of affection and love. In the early stages of an unhealthy relationship, the abuser shows love to the partner and all the attention. The attention and affection later become obsessive and excessive, and this is harmful. The perpetrator is in constant need of obsessively controlling the relationship, and this leads to a power struggle that eventually translates into violence. The abusers in destructive relationships are not always bad individuals, and they succeed in pulling their victims back in by using good aspects of the relationship. No one would knowingly date an abusive person, they change with time. Once abuse starts, it eventually grows with time. It starts with minor requests such as clothing suggestions, and if the victim refuses, it leads to yelling and threats. Many people identify dating violence with physical abuse, but this is the last tactic of gaining control and power. The abuser employs mind games and constant threats; put downs, incessant phone calls and wild accusations of cheating. All these tactics are aimed at bringing down the victims self-esteem; they may also use manipulation. The victim will eventually feel like they are not good enough for their partners as they become discouraged due to the futility of their pleasing efforts. Finally, the victim fears fighting and later gives in to their partner’s demands. Harmful relationships may also lead to sexual abuse that initially starts as subtle sexual abuse. The early warning signs are excessive jealousy and negative attitude towards women. Women are the majority of sex abuse victims, their abusers; husbands or boyfriends view them as just sex objects. They do not care about their feelings, wishes or wants or even their right to refuse sex. The abusers often demand to be in control of sex i.e. where, when and what occurs. Subtle sexual abuse may include forced fondling in front of friends and family or even in public. The abuser repeatedly touches the victim when they feel uncomfortable or even embarrassed. The abuser uses coercion to ensure that the victim agrees to the sexual requests of the abuser. Subtle sex abuse eventually leads to more violent forms of sexual abuse such as forced sexual acts or date rape (Hiddenhurt.co.uk). In conclusion, teen violence is one of the main factors that make people to become abusers within a relationship. It is, therefore, imperative that parents, counselors, schools and healthcare providers talk to these people about the forms of dating violence and its effect on adult relationships (Davis). Those individuals who find themselves in harmful relationships should seek psychological help since relationship abuse can affect the individual psychologically. It is also important to note the signs, since early detection may help through the intervention of a counselor. Works Cited Davis, Richard L. Domestic Violence. Boca Raton: CRC Press, 2008. Print. Draucker, Claire Burke, Donna Martsolf, and Pam Shockey Stephenson. Ambiguity and Violence In Adolescent Dating Relationships. Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Nursing 25.3 (2012): 149-157. Web. Hiddenhurt.co.uk. Subtle Sexual Abuse. N.p., 2015. Web. 8 Apr. 2015. Loveisrespect.org,. Www.Loveisrespect.Org | Dating Abuse Statistics. N.p., 2015. Web. 8 Apr. 2015. Science Daily,. Teen Dating Violence Linked To Long-Term Harmful Effects. N.p., 2015. Web. 8 Apr. 2015. Read More