Unit 5 speer review - Essay Example

Nabil Kafal Unit No 1st Draft Surface conventions Par line The technology advancements that has been done on this planet in the last few decades has completely…” Sounds somewhat unexciting due to the presence of the statement “technology advancements” instead of “technological advancements”. Also, the “has” that appears twice in the sentence should be replaced with “have” to reflect the plural form. Par 1, line 4: “…where data that can be transferred..” It sounds ambiguous probably due to inclusion of “that”.

Par 2, line 2: ‘is’ is used in singular form. Hence, the “is” in “…there is quite a few things…” should be replaced with “are”. Par 3, line 2 and 3: “He is remembered for converting his country to Christianity and unite warring factions…”. Wrong form of the verb ‘unite’. It should be ‘uniting’. Par 3, line 5: “quite fitting. (3, par 2)” The fullstop should come after the citation since the citation is part of the sentence. This mistake in citation appears severally throughout the masterpiece.

Par 5, line 1: “The year of 1998…” The ‘of’ is unnecessary in this sentence. It simply should have been “The year 1998…”Par 5, line 2 and 3: “This irony here is that the product was at first quite a disaster”. The sentence is unclear or rather ambiguous. Despite its weak construction, the irony being referred to is nonexistent. Par 5, line 3: “Sven Mattisson, the man behind the technology stated:..” The extra information “the man behind the technology” should have been enclosed with commas.

Moreover, instead of the colon efore the direct quotation, a simple comma should have been used. So the sentence should look like: “Sven Mattisson, the man behind the technology, stated, “…”. Content issuesThe content is quite appealing. The introduction is organized and guides the reader throughout the essay by providing an ostensible road map. While the content is profound, little has been done on the development of the Bluetooth technology. The inclusion of the stepwise development of the technology would have bolstered the quality of the essay and the argument being presented.