A Parents Role in the Development of Healthy Self Esteem - Essay Example

?Ayesha Khalid Order 502411 Essay 28 February Psychology of Self Esteem: What is a Parent’s Role in the Development of Healthy Self Esteem? Thesis Statement: Parents are the first and the most lasting influence on a child. Child’s self esteem process is slow and requires a long period of time, which can only be provided by the parents. It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. Thesis: "I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time."-Anna Freud. This quotation is a manifestation of the fact that taking pride and confidence in one's self is the key to success but that does not mean that a person should get arrogant or overconfident because there is a thin line between arrogance and confidence. To some extent self esteem is synonymous to confidence but in literal words it means a feeling of pride in one's self, in other words what do you think about yourself; if you think good about yourself then you have a high self esteem while on the other hand if you think low about yourself then you are suffering from low self esteem issues. Self esteem is crucial and a cornerstone of a positive attitude towards living. It is very important because it affects how you think, act and even how you relate to other people. It allows you to live life to your potential. Low self esteem means poor confidence and it causes negative thoughts, which means that you are likely to give up easily rather than face challenges. In addition, it has a direct bearing on your happiness and wellbeing. "What is the most important thing for a person starting out on the road to success?" "I would tell them the most important thing is to work on your self esteem, that's the best advice I can give" (Wagner, “Larry King Live”) Hence here we know how important it is in character and lives building but what role can our parent's play towards it? how can a family contribute in developing their child's self esteem? Healthy self esteem is a child's shield against the challenges of life, kids who feel good about themselves end up handling their problems and matters in a much mature way because they believe in their selves and their capabilities but self esteem can also be defined as feelings of capability defined with feelings of being loved. A child who might have achieved something great but if their parents does not love them then they would feel that whatever they have achieved is in vain or maybe it was not enough to make their parents feel happy. Thus it is important for the parents to inculcate in them the feeling of being loved and even if the child cannot perform well at any platform that would not change the love they have for them. A child will thus feel confident that they have someone to love them forever and the same feeling of confidence and being loved develops in them a high sense of self esteem. Parents are a child’s role model. Children try to copy them and eventually become like them so a parent should always keep tabs on the fact that their actions influence the personalities of their kids. For example if one is pessimistic or unrealistic about oneself and one’s abilities and continues to confess this in front of one’s child, the child might end up believing that may be all individuals are like that. If a parent concentrates on their own self esteem, this act alone can greatly nurture the self esteem of their child. Here Seligman (Stepp 2) offers a great deal of practical advice, he says that according to his research children listen to how adults criticize them and absorb the style of the criticism as well as the substance. Parents should try to identify their child's beliefs and most importantly what do the children think about themselves. Parents need to help kids set more accurate standards and be more realistic in evaluating themselves, this will help them have a healthy self-concept. Bad perceptions about themselves with regards to any aspect of their lives, may make them feel worthless for example if a child is doing good in all subjects but mathematics, then they might feel that he/she is a bad student who just cannot be up to anybody's expectations, a perception will eventually set-in that they cannot do maths! Now here parents need to erase such irrational concepts that a child has about him/herself. Parents need to tell them that there is nothing in this world that is not accomplishable or impossible. In this particular example parent should use the right choice of words. They should say you are a great student, a just bad grade on one subject does not make anyone dull; you can work hard on it and I'll help you do it. This small encouragement will make him/her feel that they not just as dull as they initially thought they were. You can help your child develop and maintain healthy self-esteem by helping him or her cope with defeats, rather than emphasizing constant successes and triumphs. The environment at home really affects how a child thinks about themselves. Parents play a crucial and irreplaceable role in this regard. For example there is a child who has always seen his parents argue and fight, he may feel depressed and withdrawn because his parents might blame him for their arguments; this child then suffers from low self esteem because for him there is pessimism and negativity everywhere. Moreover parents should help their children get involved in constructive activities that help in fostering self esteem and parents should themselves be a part of that same activity for example if a couple has two children, they can ask the older one to teach the younger sibling how to paint, this will make the former happy that he/she has some sort of a talent that he/she can boast about and teach others. Such small activities help make children aware of their capabilities which in turn nurture their pride in themselves. In an intensive study (Coopersmith 3) conducted over a period of six years, he examined the subject using a variety of research methods and measures. He concluded that the parents of children with the highest self-esteem are the kind who set clear limits and define high standards of behavior, and who model these by their own examples. He says that in the research held in 1967, children with the highest self esteem tended to have parents who favoured positive behaviour modification techniques. For example if you see your child fighting with their siblings, instead of abusing him and punishing him/her, you can say that I could see you were very angry but I'm glad you did not hit your sister. It was also concluded in study that the children with low self esteem mostly have parents who value negative behavior modification techniques. One of the key factors in determining levels of personal happiness and success stems from healthy self-esteem. Depending on the nature of the child, there are a number of things parents can do to promote healthy self-esteem. Probably the most important factor is teaching children from a young age to value their individuality more than anything else, this will enable them to become a better human beings in the future. Gerry Vassar, the president and CEO of Lakeside Educational Network says that parents should always remember the term 'CUPS' (Connection, Uniqueness, Power and a Sense of role model) if they are to build a healthy self esteem in their children. Rightly pointed out by Vassar, parents connected with their children, parents who can make their children realize their unique capabilities and powers, parents who can exemplify themselves a role model for their child are the parents who can develop a healthy self esteem in their children. Bibliography Coopersmith, Stanley. “The Antecedents of Self-Esteem”. 1967. Web Sheslow, David. "Developing your Child's Self Esteem". 2008. Web. 22 Nov.2008. Stepp, Gina. "Helping Children Develop a Positive Sense of Self". 2010. Web Vassar, Gerry. "Building your Teenager's Self Esteem Through Healthy Role Models, Part-2". 2011. Web. 6 Jan. 2011. Wagner, Roger. Interview with Larry King. Larry King Live at CNN (2002). Broadcast. Annotated Bibliography Coopersmith, Stanley. “The Antecedents of Self-Esteem”. 1967. Web The reference points towards a research study that establishes a crucial link between parent’s technique of modifying the behavior of their children and the child’s self esteem. Sheslow, David. "Developing your Child's Self Esteem". 2008. Web. 22 Nov.2008. This is a comprehensive source which defines what self esteem is and that parents play the most important role in building self esteem of their children. It also covers up the fact that some children might need professional help if they have low self esteem issues. Stepp, Gina. "Helping Children Develop a Positive Sense of Self". 2010. Web This article includes studies and researches of people about how to develop a child's positive and optimistic attitude about him/herself. These studies help in understanding the psychology of a child and how they should be dealt. Vassar, Gerry. "Building your Teenager's Self Esteem Through Healthy Role Models, Part-2". 2011. Web. 6 Jan. 2011 This article states that parents should help their children to decide their role models because a healthy role model instills positive thoughts in the young minds. Moreover this article stresses on the fact that parents should focus on connection, uniqueness, power and sense of role models in order to build healthy self esteem. The article clearly outlines the aspects of social training for children their parents should focus on. Wagner, Roger. Interview with Larry King. Larry King Live at CNN (2002). Broadcast. Roger captures the whole idea of self-esteem in simplest words. He implies that parents wanting to instill success bearing qualities in their children should work on their self-esteem. The importance of self-esteem being directly related to success is established here. Ayesha Khalid Order#: 502411 Essay 28 February 2011 Psychology of Self Esteem: What are some of the Major Influences on Positive and Negative Self Esteem? Thesis Statement: Negative and positive self esteem is majorly influenced by the attitudes of the people around an individual, childhood experiences, educational background, workplace environment, family values and social training by community. Thesis: Self esteem can be defined as an extent to which an individual believes him or herself to be capable, sufficient and worthy. It is a regard people hold for themselves and it can be high or low. All of the relationships you have with other people are affected by the way you see yourself, accept, or reject yourself, and assume others feel about you. Now the question is that from where this self esteem originates? As with nearly all of the major influences in life, it starts to develop in early childhood. The sense of self is a guiding principle that structures the personality. There are two types of self esteem; positive and negative. Positive self esteem means the confidence in the ability to deal with problems when they happen which is also known as self efficacy; it is also the power and confidence to learn to accept yourself the way you are. "Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." - Judy Garland While negative self esteem is when a person does not believe in his or her capabilities, actions and decisions; it is a state of heavy self criticism and dissatisfaction with oneself. There are loads of factors that influence the positive and negative self esteems in an individual. People with a positive self esteem live their lives optimistically because they can see a solution in every problem and most importantly they believe in the words I CAN, this confidence in themselves make them able to fight the challenges in life but the question is that what are the major influences on self esteem, what causes it? Building a pride and confidence in oneself starts at home and the childhood experiences of a person. Home is the first place where a child gets to know who and what they are so a positive and safe environment at home contributes in developing a positive self esteem. For example if some particular person belongs to a broken family where they had to suffer the consequences of a dirty divorce, that child will grow up to think that relationships like husband and wife are not worth giving a chance. He will believe that he does not have the capability of handling long term relationships thus he will lose the pride in himself because he would continue to think that he has this short coming by virtue of inheritance and he cannot overcome it how hard he tries. On a different note, a person who belongs to a happy family where there is a homely atmosphere, the person oozes with positive self esteem. Secondly teachers and educational institutions play an important role in building the kind of self esteem in an individual. According to a research (Brooks 2) held by Dr. Robert Brooks, the influence of one adult to help children with learning and attention problems become increasingly hopeful and successful. The late Julius Segal (Brooks 3) called that one person a charismatic adult noting this was an adult with whom children identify and from whom they gather strength. Segal observed, And in a surprising number of cases that person turns out to be a teacher. If teachers constantly remind their students that they all are equal and important for them and they want to see them all successful in future then this encourages the students that someone is there who believes in them and their capabilities as a result they start believing in themselves. Apart from that teachers teach their students how to solve problems and make decisions, this helps them in their later life but if a teacher forms his favorites in class and ignore the potential of other students then those students begin to think that may be they have some deficiencies. This is the reason why the teacher does not praise or encourages them or maybe they are not worthy enough to be liked by their teachers. Such ill feelings results in lack of confidence and self esteem in the person. Thirdly the workplace environment contributes in developing confidence in one's self. If there is no leg pulling in the person's workplace he/she will feel satisfied with him or herself, He/she would be able to concentrate on his/her work and when he/she will be rewarded for that work then he/she would become more confident and positive about their decisions and what they do. Thus the concept of work and reward is very important in developing positive self esteem in an individual. Sometimes a person's disability or illness also shapes the way they think about themselves. They might feel useless, unimportant and inferior. A person's status in the society is also one of the factors that how does his/her personality comes out to be for example a man earning above average income feels proud of himself that he can manage and maintain a good quality of life for himself. This boosts his energy and confidence while on the other hand if a person does not belong to a strong background and lives in a class driven society he may start to hate himself of not being able to reach that standard. This state of self hatred and self denial leads to negative self esteem. A person with a healthy self esteem tends to live longer because he is less prone to feelings like hopelessness and worthlessness, he is confident about himself and his actions while a person who suffers from negative self esteem usually feel down most of the time because they keep reminding themselves about their shortcomings and weaknesses and that they would always remain failure. Low self esteem may drive people to constantly and negatively compare themselves to other people but as self esteem rises to healthy levels this become much less. Neither of the extremes is ideal. A person who has an overly high self esteem suffers from superiority complex because in their eyes there is nobody in this world who is better than them, they consider themselves superior to everyone and become highly arrogant while a person with very low self esteem can become suicidal and suffers all their life considering themselves inferior to the world around them. It is okay to have low morale at times but continuous degradation of one's capabilities and low spirits indicate that a person is suffering from self esteem issues. At the end of the day there are no as such factors that shape a person's self esteem, the most important thing is the person's thoughts and beliefs. If a person directs his/her mind towards positivity that will generate and exude optimistic thinking and thus a healthy self esteem. Annotated Bibliography Brooks, Robert."Teachers Play an Important Role in Nurturing a Student's Sense of Dignity and Self-worth". How can Teachers Foster Self Esteem in Children? 2009. Web. 2 In this article the author has explained that how crucial role a teacher can play in making or breaking the confidence of a child, as after parents children look up to their mentors. Self confidence is synonymous to self esteem thus this article has given a significant information for this paper. Jirli, Shivashankar. "What Influences Self Esteem?”. 2011. Web. 9 Feb. 2011. This is a small article that reinforces the point that the building of self esteem begins at home, because parents are the first people that children look up to moreover the level of self esteem also depends upon the childhood experiences of a child. It also includes the factors that can cause low self esteem in a person. Mayo Clinic Staff. “Self-esteem check: Too low, too high or just right?”. Web. 24 Jul. 2009. Some of the basic factors affecting the formation of self esteem are described here for example Other peoples' reactions to you, Your own thoughts and perceptions, School and extracurricular experiences, Work experiences, Illness, disability or injury, Culture, Religion, Role and status in society Read More