Marriage and Divorce Workshop - Assignment Example

Marriage and Divorce Workshop Connection Points The strength of a relationship can be measured by using the concept of the connecting points. Generally, there are ten connection points and couples can connect on any one of these points. Additionally, couples can get to choose how many points they can have in their relationship. The higher the number of connecting points that a couple possesses in their relationship, the stronger the relationship, will be. More connecting points correspond to loner-term relationships while few connecting points lead to relationships only lasting for the short-term, ending in divorce. These ten connecting points are intelligence, maturity, word, heart, belly, visuals, belly, sex, biology, and soul. These connecting points are a major determinant of whether couples stay married or not. The belly is one of the most important connecting points in a relationship, as are the heart and the sexual connection. Couples who eat together are less likely to undergo the experience of divorce as compared to those who eat separately, say with their fiends in a restaurant. The couple also has to connect on an intelligence level. If the couple’s intelligence levels are too different, then they connect less, and this could lead to conflict and divorce. The couple also need to be at the same level of maturity, which allows them to connect on an emotional level. Emotional congruence involves the feelings that the couple has in the relationship. If one of them is not happy, then the other is not happy. It is only when they are on a similar maturity level that they can decipher each other’s emotions correctly. The couple’s hearts also have to connect, i.e. love and trust. Lack of this connection is another major cause of divorce. Sexual connection is also very important in a marriage since varying sex drives can lead to misunderstandings and conflict. Finally, biological connections also affect the strength of the relationship, for example, touch and taste. Couples who have a lasting relationship have a strong biological connection; for example, when they are close to each other, they have a good feeling. Patterns of Relationships There are four patterns in a relationship, the first of which is a dependent-dependent relationship. In this relationship, neither of the individual that make the couple makes the final decisions since their decision is collaborative. The couple is usually afraid to make these decisions leading to conflict, which, in turn, leads to the root boat crashing. This sort of relationship happens when two people form a relationship because neither can stay alone. The individuals feel as if that they cannot rely on themselves. This sort of relationship could result in a feeling of being imprisoned by the neediness. While this relationship can be healthy, it is grounded in desperation. Dependent-independent relationships involve the dependence of one individual on another in the relationship. In this relationship pattern, only one of them will grow, with the dependent person also hoping to grow. This is the traditional form of relationship where the wife is dependent on an independent husband. This reduces conflict and ensures that the boat is relatively steady. Independent-independent relationships involve a couple who depend on themselves. This relationship can be considered as a fair relationship since both individuals can be successful and wealthy within the relationship; these relationships do not last for very long. The boat in this case will rock and may sink at some point. Interdependent-interdependent relationships involve a couple who both have their own opinions. These relationships experience a lot of conflicts because the individuals in the relationship have many different opinions, which will see the boat rock. In this relationship, the individuals, mutually depends on the other, and it differs from dependent relationships where some individuals are dependent while some are not. Couples and Conflict Many different reasons can cause conflict in marriage. These can be inequality, dashed expectations, and hurt feelings. During the course of the relationship, couples experience failure from their life experiences as well as from their partners. It is important to resolve these issues because failure to do so could result in a failure to grow. It is vital that the couple resolve outstanding issues before they attempt to confront another. The magic of the ring myth causes conflict in marriage. Couples tend to create illusions about marriage, for example, that they want the perfect partner and the perfect sex. This illusion begins in childhood thinking of one’s honeymoon and that like and like will attract. Ultimately, these illusions end. This is resolved as the couple matures and realizes that there is no magic of the ring as it disappears. The candle ceremony is a way of resolving conflict in a relationship, whereby the couple reflect on how they need each other individually and need to stay together, with two becoming one. It involves acknowledgement that both are in a relationship they value but that they are different. It is imperative that they listen to each other’s problems with genuine acceptance and respect each other’s beliefs and values. They, however, accept that if the behaviour of one of them begins to impede with the other’s life, then they will tell each other honestly and attempt to change the behaviour that is unacceptable to them. When they cannot change their behaviour to meet the other’s needs, then they will acknowledge the existence of a conflict of needs and the need to resolve it. They will attempt to reach a solution that meets both their needs and will be acceptable without having a winner and a loser. Consequently, they continue to live together while enjoying peace, love, and mutual respect. Divorce and Major Issues Divorce is the last phase of a marriage, which precedes separation by death. Marriage involves several issues that, if not resolved, could lead to divorce. After marriage, the couple settles down to a period of adjustment. During this period, an event could occur that will bring conflict. The couple could elect to explore the problem, grow with it, and reach a new phase in their relationship. Alternatively, the couple could fail to deal with the conflict arising from the event and become defensive. This leads to an adjustment crisis that involves disillusionment with the marriage if the couple is not willing to hear each other’s opinion. This is followed by a period of erosion of trust where the couple stops talking or having sex, at which point the couple enter the detachment stage. Separation normally follows this, and at this point, there is a possibility of healing. If healing does not happen, then the couple get a divorce. In divorce, the individual suffers from a loss of self worth, loses people they cared about, loses possessions, as well as control. Divorced people normally suffer from denial, anger towards others and self, guilt regarding what they did not do right, and sadness because of becoming single once again. Several issues need to be faced in divorce. These are; letting go of the former spouse, making new friends, dealing with self blame, feeling depressed, discomfort around the opposite sex, anxiety, mood swings, disentanglement, money, among many others. The final stage of divorce is known as freedom. This stage is difficult to attain and is more idealistic than realistic. Divorce also has a major effect on children. For toddlers, they become over or under-parented, clingy, or tearful. Pre-schoolers may become angry, regressive, too good, or a child of denial. Those between the ages of 6 and 8 are torn between parents, are frightened, deprived, and avoid people. Finally, children between the ages of 9 and 12 are angry, vengeful, neglected, sexualized, rejected, or competitive. Application of Workshop As a married individual with four children whose parents have been in a 40-year dependent marriage with six kids, I have learnt a lot from this information. Information about relationships can be gotten from parents and the media such as music and TV. Love in relationships has three components; passion, intimacy, and commitment. Lack of one will lead to an unstable relationship. I have also learnt that marriage consists of three types of relationships. The business partnerships involve the financial relations and are cognitive. The relationship between lovers is sexual and emotional while that between friends is cognitive. From my parent’s perspective, their dependency is built on the analogy of a house. This house has a foundation, a structure, and an attic. The foundation is built of adaptability and the communication of feelings. I have also learnt that there are four necessary attitudes in marriage. These are honesty, trust, courage, and financial decisiveness. To achieve this, as a couple, we need to be able to communicate and make decisions. Conflict in marriage could arise from hurt feelings, dashed expectations, and inequality. Failure to resolve these issues will lead to a backlog of conflicts that could break the marriage. I have also learnt that my children have rights during divorce. These rights include the right to express affection for parents, the right to know the parents decision, and the right to honest answers about the changing relationships in the house. Read More