Female Sexual Autobiography - Personal Statement Example

?Your Sexual Autobiography Being a 29-years-old white American female, I feel deeply sensual about my sexuality. I have never thought but I feel I am born straight, but I am very much into experimenting and fantasizing about sex as an amazing experience. I belong to a working class family, my parents never discussed about sex with me or other siblings. Like other kids, we never had any experience of catching my parents doing it. I remember catching a glimpse of my cousin with his girlfriend in his bedroom, the scene caught my curiosity but I was unable to understand it then. Despite the fact that my parents never discusses about sex directly, they made me aware that I should not let anyone touch my private parts or kiss me in a way that I feel uncomfortable. I took that advice like any other advice my parents gave me. It was very early that I discovered something unusual when I find young men and boys looking at me with deeper meaning in their eyes. I started feeling strange and uncomfortable by someone's intense gaze or meaningful smile while I was entering my teenage. Early teenage interaction with opposite sex assured me of some fiery attraction and bond. Later, Biology class lessons and discussions; television programs; magazines with exposing pictures; books and literature, and socialization led me discover the real meaning and process of sex. At that time, I felt excited but feared by the consequences of doing it in the form of pregnancy. I was clueless about where “babies come from” until six. One day I heard some kids talking about it in school cafeteria. In utter disbelief, I shared this newly got but awkward information with some of my street friends, few of them came up with similar stories. With more confused than ever ideas in my head, I came back home and talked to my mother about it; she told me that it’s true. I was quite shocked; it was certainly true because my mother was the ultimate source of information. I felt that it is a gross idea and babies can come out by mouth instead, funny idea I know, but that was something popped like popcorn in my mind when I was settling with this phenomenon. I thought but how the kid goes in, an immediate answer was, the way it comes out, but I couldn't give much thought to the later part. I also imagined myself coming out of my mom’s bottom; it seems funny now but was a terrible thought then. Post this information, I became more curious than ever to such information aired on television, magazines, and books. I was aware of the fact that girls and boys are different from my early childhood. I started noticing the differences between male and female body around 7-8 years of age. Whenever I saw a new born without clothes, I naturally observed that boys are different from girls. I felt that little girls have more beautiful body than little boys but boyish thing was interesting for sure. My biology class proved to be the solid fact-checking machine as I could not only read but question whenever I felt confused. After studying the structures and functioning of male and female organs, I was very thrilled. My own changing body and new experiences, such as, periods made me felt like I am transforming into women, ready for a sensual life full of surprises ahead. While I learned about the connection between male and female, I was not able to appreciate my own body. I was interested in what is in outside world. Masturbating was something that came to be naturally and made me realize the beauty and feelings within. Though, I started doing it around the age of 8 or 9 but I was not aware of the fact that I was doing it. I have no clue what it is and why I enjoy touching myself. However, it was not that real masturbating as I used to stick my finger there and move slowly for feeling the sensation or releasing the itch caused by some hard cloth or jeans. I learnt about the “golden moment” (as I refer to orgasm) in my teenage from some dirty magazines where people shared their experiences of masturbating quite openly. While reading, my hand reached between my legs and I started doing it the way it was written. It was a mind blowing sensation that led me to do it with more speed and vibration; I moaned out loud with pleasure and had my first jolts and orgasm. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and become quite addicted to it as I used to do it every night. I used to wait for night to do it because there was some fear of being caught. Moreover, the feelings at night used to be far more intense as compared to day. Taking shower also urged me to touch myself and feel it again and again; I was in heaven for sure. Gradually, I started fantasizing about doing masturbation in front of a guy and then he does it to me, my imaginations had no boundaries. I fantasized about my first intercourse innumerable times. It is usually an unknown hot guy I came across on street, mall, or in a movie. My first intercourse was the continuation of a romantic weekend in Monticello in New York. I was 18 and he was 21, let’s call him Nick. It was a natural flow of our intense intimacy during night while we were sitting in a blanket. While watching a romantic Hollywood movie together, we felt each other very strongly. We watched the intimate parts of the movie again that stimulated us for touching and kissing each other more intense. Nick was a passionate kisser, and I felt that I melted for him instantly. Everything entered an entirely new height when Nick reached my thighs and his fingers slid my vagina. As moments passed by, the feeling became more and more deep and intense. I had my first intercourse that day, my post-coital time was happy and excited as I felt thrilled with the thought that I finally did it. My later experiences made me realize that it was just the beginning as it got much better with every intercourse I had later.    I feel comfortable performing fellatio and receiving cunnilingus, basically I feel great about my sexuality and experimental part of it. For fellatio, I cover the penis tip with my mouth while hiding my teeth behind lips and twist my tongue around head and shaft and hold it for up and down motion. I lick and such it slow moves and small strokes. I thoroughly enjoy the smile and satisfaction on my partner’s face. Most often I take my guy to the heights of pleasure and it feels like a queen. Usually, I don’t swallow sperms since I don’t like the taste much, but I have experimented quite often and its fun. I try different tongue patterns and find it more exciting to ask my man about his preference. I want to keep moving the penis in mouth or rub slowly with hand after ejaculation, but it only happened once that my man handled it perfectly. I prefer doing it without condoms but just for the precaution sake I take on flavored condoms. I am experimental and like to leave my partner feel blessed. I have tried sex toys and find them interesting but it works differently every time. It is because every time when I am with a new man, it is unique and feels different. I am pretty selective though, for some strange reasons, I don’t like to give fellatio to every man I have sex with. I enjoy receiving cunnilingus and like firm pressure and repetitive motions. Some aggressive but controlled moves and light nibbling also feels amazing. It feels great when my man covers the whole perineum and vaginal area while focusing on in-out motion. The level of concentration and pleasure was unimaginable when I first got it. Licking my clitoral hood and clitoris takes me to heavens. I sometime get orgasm while receiving cunnilingus, but a guy just blew my mind when he asked me to sit towards his face for cunnilingus, while moving little up and down, he licked and penetrated so deep with his tongue that I was amazed and thrilled by the sight of it. It was strange but an out-of-the-world experience. My ultimate experience of cunnilingus is its doing in combination with fingering because it always leads to an earth-shattering experience. Once I had quite bad experience with cunnilingus when the guy in an effort to be more aggressive, bite harder on my clitoris and it was awful and it remained sore for few days. From there on, I learnt that it is more appropriate to communicate well and often in order to know each other’s preferences and avoid such situations in future. It is not common but I guess some guys don’t have any idea about the sensitivity or maybe they are unable to control themselves. Since 18 years of age, I had seven sex partners, the youngest was 21 the oldest of them was 45 years of age. My longest relationship lasted for about five years and both of us had great time. Unfortunately, it ended due to lack of communication and distance due to our jobs. It was only an amazing sex life that kept us together for too long. Currently, I am enjoying my relationship under “friends with benefits". It is fantastic as I don’t feel burdened or emotionally restrained rather I am more open for experiences. We are friends for four years now but the relationship started after my last breakup. My friend proved to be a huge emotional support in the time of distress. During post-breakup time, we developed some intimacy which turned into our need and we ended up in “friends with benefits” relationship. He is a great a partner and we are having great time so far. I found that it is the best relationship in certain circumstances as it gives me the physical and most of the times emotional intimacy while saving me from the responsibilities of a traditional relationship. I am a very curious and experimental woman when it comes to sex. I have a list of sexual fantasies ranging from minute detailing of the act to the act itself. Being blindfold or restraint is my top most fantasy. The feeling of being dominated by my man, teased and loved until I beg for him is fantastic and makes me super hot just by thinking about it. Another similar fantasy is taken by complete surprise. I often fantasize about my man comes to me while I am sleeping and all of a sudden he turns on and gets over me and leaves me moaning and asking more for him. I love being driven crazy by my guy, it's an absolute pleasure when he teases me by passionate kisses on lips, creases my thighs with firm strokes, licks my outer lips and just when I wait in anticipation that he is about to kiss and lick my clitoris, he moves away that teases me more. It’s a pure torture but I enjoy it because the results are always remarkable. The surprise element always blows my mind may be because of sudden transition from one mood to entirely another mood in a matter of seconds. Being pampered and worshiped like a goddess is another favorite fantasy. Though this is a fantasy which came to life a few times, I keep fantasizing it while adding more details to it. I fantasize a hot guy at my service when I return from work. The hunk’s body language communicates his total submission to me, the goddess. He prepares an amazing bath tub with hot water, rose petals, some lavender, and bubbles. Meanwhile I relax at bed and see him doing it for me with half opened eyes. He comes to me for approval to undress me, I nod yes. He then undresses me fixing his eyes on my legs and breasts and I pretend to ignore him. He picks me in his strong arms and takes me to the tub and releases me gently. While I rest there with half closed eyes, he gives me a good massage on feet and forwards his strokes to my thighs and I stop him with an angry voice and he seems dejected. I complete my bath on my own while he stands on side with lower gaze on my moving body. I can feel him turning on and feeling for me but I ignore again. After bath, he holds me in his arms again to take me to the bed. There I see a towel and lotion already placed, I felt good about it. As I rest on bed, he cleans my body leaving it a little moist. He asks for my approval for applying lotion and I say yes with a brief nod. He smiles and starts spreading lotion on my arms, shoulders, feet, and hands. He keeps his eyes fixed between my legs while doing it and I enjoy his stare. Then he extends his strokes to my things with a certain speed, it relaxes me and I rest with my closed eyes. I give him smile and thank him for this amazing massage. He feels relaxed and happy to satisfy his goddess. Pampering which gradually develops into little teasing, caressing, and a little struggle of the guy turns out to be fantastic. Feeling that a man understands everything and keeps doing it the way I want without telling is amazing. It let me feel empowered and capable to control. Sex after such pampering is something I enjoy but I don’t want my guy to come out of the character, I want to see him as submissive, gentle, and feared of my anger during the intercourse. Another fantasy is stripping for a roomful of unknown and clothed men yelling, starring, and applauding me with my every move. However, this is something I fantasize in a rare mood. I fantasize about seducing a stranger or someone I met for a casual sex. Being a dominatrix leading a man back to a hideout and planning to make him my sex slave is another fantasy that I have experienced but want more of it. I’ll tie him up, tease and pinch him until he begs for me and promises to be submissive, and then I’ll release only his physical restraints by untying him. I’ll keep him emotionally and mentally restraint by commanding him for when, where, and how to touch me. I won’t let him orgasm and keep arousing him more and more. After hours of foreplay and his begging, I’ll reward him with what he wants and make him grateful for this. I often fantasize about having sex with my ex.  I had an ex who rocked my world sexually; we broke up after some disagreement I can’t recall while I fantasize about him. I imagine running into him unexpectedly and beginning a passionate affair, I am sure the sex would be still fantastic. We communicate sometimes on face book and SMS. It feels like there is a strong attraction between us and we won’t be able to control ourselves if we come across accidentally. The thought of that spark is titillating and excites me immediately.  I am a straight woman and never had sex with other females. But after reading that Angelina Jolie finds female body to be the most attractive in the world while attributing man’s body as secondhand some friends' experience, I have started fantasizing about lesbian sex. I am not into it but it appeals me because I’ve never actually experienced it in any form, it can turn out to be a great adventure. I try to imagine how other female body will feel like and how we will stimulate each other by kissing, caressing, and touching. Feeling of fear and buttery bliss runs down my mind that makes the whole fantasizing experience interesting. Sometimes I fantasize about having sex in a public place or where we have the fear of being caught. The combination of fear and anticipation takes me to an all time high. I fantasize myself coming home with my boyfriend late at night, may be from some party. He stops the car near a beautiful garden and asks me to have a long walk. Pleasantly surprised, I say yes. We start walking with arms wrapped around each others’ waist. After talking for sometime he gives me a passionate kiss on lips. The feeling and garden’s ambiance turns us on immediately. We reach a nearby bench where we start kissing and fondling each other in no time. Feared by some one's arrival, we put most of our clothes on and start having sex on garden bench. The feeling of fear and passion combine to give us a great time. Suddenly, we hear some guys coming towards us laughing and talking. We immediately stop and pick our clothes and run back to our car giggling at our incomplete but exciting adventure. I fantasize about having sex on beach while no one is watching but there are some distant voices that can come closer at any time. Feeling the hot sand under our bodies and idea that water can crush onto us at any moment in time is amazing. This is an ultimate fantasy may be because of Hollywood’s romantic fascination. The idea came from an old movie From Here to Eternity, in which girl and guy on beach are shown kissing each other with passion when wild waves swallow them. My fantasizing experience feels to be more intense when it is a complete stranger with whom I have sex on beach. I feel blessed by having such a wonderful sex life and most often amazing partners. It's an experience I never want to end. As I am growing up, I feel it is becoming better and better, thanks to my sexual skills and luck with amazing partners, I expect great time ahead. I am planning to actualize most of my fantasies and I am sure I can. Sex has never been so good! I'm in paradise, but you know it has to end but the memories remain. Read More