Important Communication Advices for a Newly Engaged Couple - Personal Statement Example

?Important Communication Advices for a Newly Engaged Couple Introduction: As start, it is important to that communication can be defined as theestablishment of a common understanding, or as a transfer of meaning from one person to another. In other words, the goal of communication is to establish a community of understanding or a sharing of meaning through the most effective communication activities. We can identify many kinds of communication, yet, there are three sets of communication types that are basic to an understanding of communication. These three sets of communication types are: verbal and nonverbal communication; interpersonal and intrapersonal communication; and small-group versus mass communication. Verbal communication is the use of words in speaking or writing. Nonverbal communication is a kind of communication without using words, such as the use of body language. Examples of nonverbal communication are smiling, frowning, and applauding. As for interpersonal communication, it means communication between or among persons. It can take place one-on-one, face-to-face, or it can involve groups, both large and small. Intrapersonal communication, on the other hand, takes place within a single person. In effect, that person is engaged in self-communication, a process we normally call thinking. The Small-Group Interpersonal communication is a relatively uncomplicated form of communication. The simplest type is the one-on-one situation, in which one person attempts to communicate with another. A slightly more complex type is the small group communication, such as a group of three or four persons talking with each other. At an even higher level is a professor lecturing to a classroom of 20 or 30 students. Now the situation is more complex, but it is still relatively simple in that interaction. Barriers to Effective Communication: My first advice for the newly engaged couple is to be fully aware of the barriers to effective communication. Communication, in essence, is a complicated process, involving various basic elements. The first element is the sender, or the encoder; and the second is the receiver, or the decoder. Another necessary element in the communication process is the message itself. Messages may be simple or complex; semantically difficult or easy to understand; informational or analytical. The fourth element is the channel, which is the mechanism that transmits the message. The fifth element is the feedback, which is the return message from the receiver to the sender. Another important element in the communication process is what communication specialists call noises, which tend to disrupt the communication. There are two main noises: mechanical noise and semantic noise. Mechanical noise has to do with such things as static on the radio, lines of type missing from a newspaper, or coughing during a lecture. Semantic noise is the degree of potential misunderstanding between sender and receiver. There are a number of barriers that tend to frustrate, impede, or even halt communication. These barriers may be personal, monological, ideological, or socio-cultural. Personal Barriers can be traced when the sender or receiver or both have negative feelings towards the other. Another example is the physical personal barriers, such as when one of the communicants has a headache or is sleepy. As for the monological barrier, it is when the communicator loses touch with the receivers because he or she is so self-occupied, and is blind to the nature and needs of the audience. On the other hand, many communication problems stem from the fact that communicants have different basic ideologies or political orientations. In addition, communicants will always have trouble communicating if they are not using the same language. Lastly, it is hard to communicate well with someone who has a different culture or belong to a different society. This is due to the differences in values, traditions, background, religion, economic status, etc. Strategies for Managing Interpersonal Conflicts: Dealing with interpersonal relationships is a complex subject that requires thorough analysis and study. One of the features of interpersonal relationships is conflict, which is defined by Joyce Hocker and William Wilmot as "an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce rewards, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals." Hence, conflicts occur in almost every kind of interpersonal relationship. They are part of life. This is due to the fact that not everyone thinks, acts, or responds in the same way and individuals usually come under stress at different times which causes differences in tolerance and patience. In addition, not everyone has the same level of commitment, honesty, or even integrity, and this discrepancy usually leads to interpersonal conflicts. Therefore, conflicts may be the result of two people who have very different behavioral styles trying to communicate with each other. These types of conflicts are more prevalent when individuals do not understand their own style or do not have the knowledge to recognize the differences in their style and others with whom they are trying to communicate. Studies about personal conflict show that there are various conflict styles. The first of these styles is the nonassertive behavior, which is the inability or unwillingness to express thoughts or feelings in a conflict. This style comes from lack of confidence, lack of awareness or skill to use a direct means of expression, and a choice to communicate nonassertiveley. Other conflict styles include direct aggression, passive aggression, indirect communication, and assertion. Another form of interpersonal conflicts is the conflict in relational systems. Relational conflict style occurs when two or more people are in a long-term relationship. In that case, they develop a pattern of managing disagreements that occur frequently over time. In some of such relational conflicts, a conflict ritual is developed. That is, people get into a habit of behaving certain ways.  Rituals can cause problems when they become the only way relational partners handle their conflicts. Accordingly, another important advice for the newly engaged couple is to be aware of the strategies that can be used to solve interpersonal conflicts in communication. One of the best strategies to be used is to reevaluate one’s relationship with the other. That is, both of them should be involved in direct communication process, in which they both express their real aims and concerns of the relationship (Hocker and Wilmot). So, openness and frankness with one another are so important for both the sender and receiver to correct the emerging problem. Consequently, conflict usually results due to lack of competent communication. This is primarily due to the fact that not everyone thinks, acts, or responds in the same manner and individuals usually experience stress at different times which causes differences in tolerance and patience (Turner). Furthermore, not everyone has the same level of honesty, commitment, and integrity, and these personal differences usually leads to interpersonal conflicts. Therefore, conflicts may be the result of different behavioral styles of two people who are trying to communicate with each other. These types of conflicts are more prevalent when individuals do not develop full understanding of their own style or do not have the knowledge to identify the differences in their style and the others with whom they want to communicate (Hocker and Wilmot). To solve this personal conflict in communication, there are various strategies to be followed. The first of these strategies is the nonassertive behavior. It is actually the inability or unwillingness to express one’s thoughts or feelings in a conflict. This strategy emerges due to lack of confidence, awareness, or skill to use a direct and clear means of expression, and a choice to communicate non-assertively. Other strategies of conflict resolution include direct aggression, passive aggression, indirect communication, and assertion (Hocker and Wilmot). One of the other common forms of interpersonal conflicts is the conflict in relational mechanisms. Relational conflict strategy usually occurs when two people are in a long-term relationship, developing a pattern of disagreement management. In some of these relational conflicts, a conflict ritual is developed. This is especially when people get into a habit of behaving in certain ways.  In that sense, rituals can cause many problems when they become the only way through which relational partners deal with their conflicts (Hocker and Wilmot). This is evident in many couple relationships, which witness destructively symmetrical communication among the spouses. The impact of Gender and Culture on Interpersonal Communications: It is important to refer to the fact that there are some variables that impact interpersonal communication styles. Gender differences in interpersonal communication greatly affect the process of relationship building among men and women. Women, generally, are known for their indirectness and implicitness; while men are known for their straightforwardness and explicitness. Women never reveal what they want directly; rather, they usually rely on men to get what is meant between lines (Gardner). In addition, women usually give far-fetched meaning to what is said by men, as declared by Fitzgerald. This leads many sociologists to conclude that women are not good decision makers because they are unable to be decisive, explicit, and clear. Thus, it can be safely said that gender makes a difference in conflict styles. Research has demonstrated that there are some small measurable differences.  Although men and women have noticeably different conflict styles, the individual style or the communicator and the nature of the relationship are more important than gender in shaping the way he or she handles conflict. On the other hand, culture is another important variable in conflict styles. That is, cultural traits, values, and beliefs affect the way in which people manage conflict. For example, conflict varies whether a group is individualistic valuing goals, rights, and needs of each person or collectivists where the concerns of the group are more important than the individual. Also, high and low context styles affect how individuals approach conflict. While low context cultures emphasis is literal, high context cultures value self restraint and avoid confrontation. Therefore, it is obvious now that conflict in interpersonal relationships is a natural phenomenon and that there are various styles of conflict resolution. Generally, if personal conflicts occur, it is a very good idea to have a mediator helps the communicators. In most cases, communicators adopt different styles in solving the conflict that emerges with others. The difference in style stems ether from personal differences, such as assertiveness or aggressiveness, or from cultural and gender differences. Finally, it is important to stress the fact that an individual has to be fully aware of his or her beliefs, principles, and cultural background in order to succeed in solving conflicts in interpersonal relationships with other people. Verbal and Non-Verbal Communication: Researchers agree that there are two main categories of communication: verbal and non-verbal. Verbal communication depends on the actual words we are using in talking or writing. Nonverbal communication, on the other hand, is something people take for granted. Nonverbal communication is the sending of messages through physical behavior, vocal cues, and spatial relationships. Although verbal communication is enormously important in our everyday lives, nonverbal communication plays very important roles in conveying, clarifying, and stressing the messages we want to convey. Actually, some researchers believe that more communication occurs from body language and the tone of a person's voice than from what is said. In other words, how people say things is often more important than what they say. Actually, many people believe that nonverbal behavior represents more accurate characteristics, attitudes, and feelings about people than does verbal behavior. Also, one can determine secret feelings about others from their actions and the body and non-spoken language they use. For example, it is widely accepted that facial expressions and postures, such as tightness of face, general frowns or smiles, are more likely to communicate emotional attitudes than spoken words. Therefore, there is no doubt that nonverbal expressions provide much of the information which we process and utilize in our interactions. Much of this processing seems unconscious during interpersonal communication; however, awareness of the other person’s non-verbal communication, as well as the application and management of one's own, is extremely important. Having stressed the importance and significance of non-verbal language in interpersonal communication, it is important now to investigate the different forms of nonverbal communication as well as the factors that impact our understanding of this form of communication. At the beginning, it should be realized that cultural differences constitute the main factor that affect our apprehension of the non-verbal message, which is conveyed. That is, communicators should be aware of cultural differences that exist between the sender and receiver of the message. To illustrate, body postures, eye contact, distance between people, may all mean different things to people from different cultures. As such, the cultural factor leads to other factors that affect non-verbal communication. For example, because cultural differences do matter, non-verbal communication tends to be primarily relational and ambiguous. That is, sometimes it becomes hard for someone to get what another one means by performing a certain body language or any other form of verbal communication. This often happens due to the cultural differences between the sender and receiver. As for the forms of non-verbal communication, it contains a huge list of body language, which means a variety of things. So, body Language is something one can do to communicate without talking or making any sound. That is, we usually use body language to help make our communication clear. Examples of body language include: waving our friend over, showing we are angry by pounding our fist on the table, showing we are sad by frowning, showing we agree by nodding our heads up and down, telling someone to stop by holding our hand up, showing we are happy by smiling, telling someone to be quiet by putting our finger over our mouth, showing we do not agree by shaking our head right to left, and asking to speak by raising our hand. Therefore, it becomes obvious that non-verbal communication plays as important roles as spoken words. However, due to the factors discussed above, non-verbal communication can cause some confusion and misinterpretation. Though words alone may carry an effective message, there is still an opportunity for misinterpretation of nonverbal aspects of the communication. As a result, non-verbal communication sometimes requires feedback, questions and clarification from the receiver to remove any confusion. In addition, the management of our own non-verbal communication is also extremely important. As nonverbal communication is capable of changing the spoken words in many ways, it is important to realize that we can safeguard our own communication against misinterpretation, if our nonverbal supports our verbal message. In other words, unless we manage the nonverbal attributes of our message so that they are compatible with our words, our total message is open to misinterpretation and may be screwed up. To put it clearly, if the receiver lacks awareness of the significance of the factors influencing the nonverbal communication, then he is likely to remain confused. Consequently, it can be said that a large portion of a message comes not from the words spoken, but from nonverbal attributes that can be transmitted and received consciously or unconsciously. Such nonverbal communication usually serves a variety of functions in relation to verbal communication. Examples of these functions include repeating, complementing, contradicting, substituting, and regulating. Thus, the person who is not only aware of the nonverbal message and the factors influencing it, but also who manages his own nonverbal communication, is less likely to be confused or confusing. Finally, it can be concluded that most researchers agree on the importance and significance of nonverbal attributes in interpersonal communication. This belief is the motive behind the quotation: "What are words when the body can bend, cry, shout, and jump! There's language in one's eyes' and cheeks, lips and hips." Self-Concept and Negative Communication Climates: Self-concept is an important factor in personal communication. Self-concept is generally a set of perceptions individuals hold about themselves.  Those perceptions are not only about our physical features but also other aspects of ourselves, such as emotional states, talents, likes, dislikes, values, role, etc. There are some characteristics of self-concept, such as subjectivity and resistance to change. In other words, our self-concept is a multi-dimensional, complex system of many beliefs and attitudes that we hold about ourselves.  It is everything we think and feel about ourselves including our, likes, dislikes, values, roles, emotional states, talents or skills and even our physical appearance.  In a word, the way we feel about ourselves shapes our interpersonal communication. Self-esteem, on the other hand is the part of the self-concept that involves evaluations of self worth. There are generally two kinds of people, regarding self-esteem: people with high self-esteem and people with low self-esteem. People with high self-esteem are usually more willing to communicate than those with low self esteem. They are also more likely to think highly of others and be more accepted by others. In addition, people with high self-esteem evaluate their behaviors more highly than are people who are less secure, and consequently they are not afraid of others reactions and perform well when watched. On the contrary, people with low self-esteem are likely to disapprove of others and expect rejection; critical of their own performance; sensitive to possible disapproval of others; perform poorly when being watched. Besides, people with low self-esteem usually have difficulty defending themselves against others negative comments and fell threatened by people they view superior in some way. Therefore, it can be said that how we perceive ourselves plays a central role in interpersonal communication. References Fitzgerald, M. (2007). Why Women Can't Communicate Clearly. 10 Dec. 2011. Gardner, D. (2010). Self-Esteem and Self-Efficacy within the Organizational Context. 11 Dec. 2011. Hocker, J. & William W. (2000). Interpersonal Conflict. Conflict Research Consortium. University of Colorado, USA. 2000. 11 Dec. 2011. Turner, R. (1997). Male Logic and "Women's Intuition. 10 Dec. 2011. Read More