Building Successful Relationships - Essay Example

?Full Building Successful Relationships Relationships are essential in human life because we were made as social beings. The old adage that says “No man is an island”; could have probably been based from the fact that every individual needs others not only to communicate and do business with but to build relationships that will help each other grow socially, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. There are many kinds of relationships. There are relationships between nations wherein support is given to ensure safety and economic success. There are also relationships between organizations, companies, employees and employers, families and among family members. What could probably be one of the most important relationships in a person’s life would be with a loved one who will reciprocate the love given. However, it should be noted that relationships do not just grow like weeds in the garden but are like flowers that have to be intentionally grown, needing love and care. Personally, I have learned important matters that need to be considered in having a relationship to make it beneficial to the parties involved. I once had a relationship in my earlier years that helped me realize my mistakes and that is helping and guiding me in the relationship that I currently have. Just a few years ago, I struggled in a relationship that I had with a girl that I met in school. She is pretty, cheerful and fun to be with and I liked her for being so loving and caring. She always wanted us to be together, spending time with each other and talking about anything only to pass the time together. However, being the outgoing person that I am, I always found it difficult to find time for her and this made her complain about my attitude. She said that I was to being inconsiderate of her need to be with me and our relationship to be nurtured. She doubted my feelings toward her because I seemed to be more indulged with my friends than with her. Although I tried to explain that my shortcomings are not the measure of my love for her, I somehow failed to make it appear so to her and, we ended breaking up. The break up was difficult for me. I guess I really loved her so much that I was greatly affected when we had to part ways. I struggled emotionally and psychologically. There were times that I could not sleep well thinking of her. I tried to make things straight with my former girlfriend, asking for another chance for me to become a better partner to her, telling her that I have already learned my lessons. Nevertheless, that is perhaps the extent of understanding that she could give me. She asked me to stop wasting my time going after her. It took me time to finally overcome the grief I felt before I finally bounced back to normalizing my activities and making new friends. I could say that my current relationship is going smoothly because I have learned a lot from my mistakes from my past relationship. It is not that my relationship with my present girlfriend is perfect but at least, we are able to work out our differences and make our relationship work. I found out that truly, a relationship should be nurtured to make it grow. When I first had a relationship, communication was open and regular during the first few months but then, I stopped getting in touch with my former girlfriend on a regular basis because I thought I was already familiar with her and was very sure I knew her very well then. Now, I maintain communicating with my friend to avoid similar problems I had in the past. Whenever we are not able to see each other during the day, I always make it a point to call my girlfriend and ask how she is and how she spent her time. I think this makes our bond stronger because she sees that I am making efforts to show how concerned I am about her. Moreover, whenever I tell her how I spent my day, she stops worrying about me and understands how I spend my time so that whenever I am not able to make it for our dates or other planned activities together, she tries to be considerate and understands me. Communication is not the only matter that I found to greatly influence relationships. I think time spent with loved ones is also important because just being there could mean a lot to a person. As the person who is expected to do greater tasks in the relationship, I sought to spend more time with my girlfriend in a meaningful way. When I had my first affair, dates were limited to just the two of us dining, watching movies and walking at the park. However, I found this to be difficult because I also needed to go out with my friends and family. Therefore, I found it necessary to find out about the interests of my current girlfriend and include her with outings with family and friends. Luckily, we share some interests and I think this is one of the things that is really helping us keep our relationship intact. She is also an outgoing person and seems to be indefatigable that she is able to cope with the challenges of the activities I have with y friends. She joins us when we go surfing, camping or mountain climbing. She is very active and sportive that she has no difficulty adjusting to my lifestyle. Sometimes, I invite her to our house for dinner and she appreciates this act because she feels secure with me, making her meet my family. Of course I still value the time we spend together alone so that I often invite her for romantic dinners at fancy restaurants or simply walk with her at parks, watch movies or go shopping together. In my former relationship, I had so many expectations from my girlfriend and I think that was the same case with her that is why we often fought over trivial matters such as being late for a date and not remembering to do a request. Sometimes, my expectations were unrealistic I made things difficult for her. For instance, I always expected her to understand me and wait for me whenever I forget or get late for an appointment, that she should be patient because she is the girl who should always show understanding love and care. I expected her to always express her love to me even in small ways like saying “I love you”. I think she also expected me to always be there for her whenever she needed me and perhaps there have been more expectations she had from me. I see now how inconsiderate I have been with my expectations. Perhaps one of the factors that made me commit those mistakes was my immaturity, being too young to be in a relationship. Having grown, I now understand that I should have realistic expectations. I now consider that my partner has her own agenda and need to meet and therefore needs time to perform her responsibilities. I know that she also has her needs for affection that I should be able to meet as her boyfriend. I recognize that whatever were my expectations from my former girlfriend were probably also were her expectations from me. The same might be true with my current partner so that I try to keep in mind to consider these things to make our relationship work. Before, I found it difficult to apologize for the mistakes I committed especially when I knew that I would be blamed for everything and that my past mistakes would be brought back. I know that I have wronged my former girlfriend and I was also hurt during the process when she tried to take revenge or demand for my understanding and considerations. Looking back, I think I was unforgiving then. Although I have not verbally expressed it, my actions were somehow affected by it. Now, whenever I commit a mistake, I practice asking for forgiveness immediately and try my best not to repeat the offense. I make some efforts to make up for the wrong that I committed. For example, whenever I forget a promise that I made, I do not just say “I am sorry” but I also think of creative ways to pacify my partner like surprising her at her door with an unplanned visit. I know that I am not perfect so I do not expect my partner to be perfect. In relation to this, I learned to practice forgiveness. If my former relationship was filled with finger-pointing and garbage dumping, my relationship now is more matured and civil wherein my partner and I both learn to forgive and forget past mistakes. I think every relationship has all sorts of trials that should make people learn and improve rather than become selfish and destructive. Unsuccessful relationships abound because it is very easy to have one. However, to have a successful relationship means to work hard on it. People choose their relationships and they also choose how to handle them. When things go well, one must give himself/herself a pat on the back but when things go wild, it should mean that there should be a lot of think an individual should do. Relationships are important so they should be given much caring and nurturing and time just as people care, nurture and spend time for their dreams, jobs, or self. Read More