Being a Bad Mother - Panicky Realization - Essay Example

Being a Bad Mother: A Panicky Realization Introduction Most mothers know about the qualities of an ideal mother; they know their weaknesses and fear the displeasure of their children. Mothers are as panicked of fulfilling the qualities of a bad mother as of falling short to fulfill the attributes of an ideal mother; in both instances, mothers fear the contempt and criticism of their children and other people. This fact is what Sandra McPherson is trying to illustrate in her poem Bad Mother Blues. A mother is not given a lot of opportunities to perform an abundance of fine accomplishments but be humanly imperfect; she has to be an ideal mother, for many is at risk, namely, her children’s mental and physical wellbeing, for which a mother is expected to be completely in charge. In Bad Mother Blues, as the title obviously suggests, the mother fails to secure her daughter’s mental and wellbeing, building within her insurmountable panic. A Mother’s Fear Every culture has standards. In our culture, the duty for fitting into these standards is mostly assigned to families, which in reality often implies that mothers nurture and train their children into these cultural standards. Daughters are trained to be neat and reserved, but when she fails to develop these expected traits, her mother is criticized for not training her adequately. This reality is shown in the below passage: Each naked man looked at you, said, Baby who do you think you are Each man looked straight down on you, like a waiting astronomer’s star Solely, disgustedly, each waged his luster I’ve decided to throw horror down the well and wish on it This stanza illustrates the failure of the mother to teach her daughter of the importance of chastity, purity, and innocence. And so, fearing the criticism of other people, she decided to hide all the ‘bad’ things about her daughter. This fear of rejection and criticism is scattered all over the poem. In a culture that views women as inferior beings obvious contradictions can survive, so long as they strengthen the mechanism keeping women inferior by controlling or criticizing them. Then, women’s attitude and conduct is controlled by their careful attempts to be neat and reserved, and hence womanly. Basically, Bad Mother Blues argues that every woman is disgraced when anyone thinks that the lewdness or vulgarity of the daughter is the error of her mother. Our culture has put too much weight on our mother’s responsibility, murmuring, “If you want us to believe that you are not a bad mother, you will train your daughter to be timid and reserved.” A lot of young daughters think that the ‘female’ model they are chasing at mother’s path is the core aspect that usually saddens mothers, and they think that she is letting them down by pushing them into the models that are the origin of her own unhappiness. The alarming message of the poem is that if an ideal daughter is a reflection of an ideal mother then a bad daughter is a reflection of bad mother. This stereotype gives mothers and daughters much needless grief. All mothers desire to be seen as an ideal mother. However, not all mothers believe that their daughters have to conform to the long-established ‘female’ pattern, or not all daughters accept such an expected pattern, particularly if their mothers appear miserable in that character. One of the interesting questions that the poem raises is, should a mother perform the expectations of the society to protect her repute as a fine mother, or should she take steps for the sake of her daughter? How can a mother decide between her desire for society’s recognition and her daughter’s interest? In the poem, the mother clearly chooses revealing the truth of her daughter’s character and of her failure as a mother: When the thief’s your daughter you turn your eyes the other way I’m going in the sunflower field where all of them are facing me I’m going into the sunflower field so all of them are facing me Going to go behind the sunflowers, feel all the sun that I can’t see. The sunflower field perhaps symbolizes society and all the people in it, and the mother decided to face these people and tell them what kind of a mother she is, or what kind of person her daughter became. Moreover, the first line “when the thief’s your daughter you turn your eyes the other way” perhaps implies that because the only responsible mother is an ideal mother, no level of compliance appears sufficient, so it seems that the rational thing to do is ignore the rules. Moreover, the belief in mother’s weakness results in females being far more often the victim of their adult children’s or husbands’ aggressive actions than men are of their children’s or wives’ attacks. This violence toward mothers and daughters, or generally women, is indirectly depicted in the below lines: When you were arrested, child, and I had to take your pocketknife When you were booked and I had to confiscate your pocketknife It had blood on it from where you’d tried to take your life In spite of the raised awareness of the public of the commonness of violence against women, when it comes to understanding the purposes of victims of violence, females are still exposed to ‘victim blaming’, while male victims are believed to be pitiful victims who are worthy of understanding. The bad mother/ideal mother stereotypes are based on a strong institution of mother-blame that infiltrates our society. A lot of mothers are anxious of about their motherhood and badly require the recognition of other people, as well as their children. But sadly, as children we are trained to look down on the duty of motherhood and hold our mothers responsible for practically every mistake. We quite simply criticize the failures and weaknesses of our mothers, without knowing how much our pessimistic outlook was influenced and heightened by the stereotypes that result in the blaming of mothers. As mothers and daughters, for centuries we have been caught in a murky maze we did not create. Nonetheless, when we are informed of the stereotype-walls that support the maze, as we narrate our tales and those of our mothers, we can start destroying the maze. One important lesson of Bad Mother Blues is that daughters have to rise above both forms of characters, removing the facades of mothering, as they attempt to truly know their mothers. To a certain extent we are aware how difficult motherhood is, and many of us feel the challenges our mothers faced to make us better individuals, although they are not successful all the time. The tone of the poem reflects panic on the part of the mother due to the societal forces that hinder her to become a good mother. On the part of the daughter the poem reflects acceptance or understanding of the strengths and weaknesses of her mother. The poem only shows that relationships rooted in stereotypes or false beliefs do not have the potential to improve. However, when children view their mother reasonably, they start to destroy the maze’s walls and lessen the effort and time they waste on torment about each other. Conclusions A great deal of Bad Mother Blues touches sinister and frightening fields that may be viewed as a female space. The daughter in the poem obviously thinks that the pressure in her mother’s directives emanates from her personal, serious, authoritarian character; she does not understand that the values originate from a core cultural norm, and mother is merely its bringer, or that several values stem from her mother’s effort to shelter her from the general disapproval of or aggression against females. What the daughter observes is an anxious, panicked, bothered, or cold mother who has created a set of instructions to give her misery. Sandra McPherson examines the contour between motherhood and poetry. She asserts the unusual depiction of many poems about motherhood originate from the knowledge that the child is an unruly individual, occupying and tiring its mother and that their relationship and communications are brawls wherein the madness of the mother is only barely warded off. As McPherson recreates a ‘bad mother’ in the poem, the narrator acts as if the bond between a mother and child can be regained or disunited anytime and that reliance can be limited. Oddly, the strongest defense against the threats of societal stereotypes on motherhood McPherson envisions in the poem seems to be to impersonate male voices. The poem’s voices are enclosed in symbols and images in order for the author’s control to become realistic. In playing with the liberty that male power could add to the duty of motherhood, the poet’s prose between panicky realization and unreal apathy as she acts upon these forbidden alternatives; both outlooks are self-pitying and for differing grounds pleasing to the narrator. Read More