Jane Austens Lessons on Dating and Marriage in Pride and Prejudice - Book Report/Review Example

Dear Jane: Are Jane Austen’s Lessons on Dating and Marriage in Pride and Prejudice Good Advice or Bad Advice for People in Contemporary Society? Many of Jane Austen’s book focus on love, dating and marriage, and the central relationship in Pride & Prejudice has often been portrayed as a perfect one, with many modern-day examples of people following Jane Austen’s guidelines as set out in this book (Suffredini, 279). Bearing this in mind, it can be useful to explore the ‘rules’ that Austen sets out within Pride & Prejudice for dating and marriage. These should be carefully considered as applying to either males or females, who both hold different positions in relationships during Austen’s prose. There are a whole host of different aspects that need to be considered in dating and marriage, which will be covered in the paper below; wealth, personality, sexual behaviour and family wishes. This advice from Austen has been carried on through into contemporary society and therefore this essay will also contemplate whether these rules are good advice or bad advice, or even relevant at all to those living in modern-day America. Affection or Wealth? One of the most well-known quotes from all of Austen’s work is “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife” (Austen 1). This sets the scene for the attitudes and storylines of Pride and Prejudice. It is fairly easily argued that this quote still stands as true today, as a man’s bachelor status and his fortune are still considered to be important in dating and matrimony, although perhaps there is less emphasis on fortune than when Austen was writing. This quote also emphasizes the very nature of matrimony in Pride & Prejudice; that it is something that a man needs to complete his collection of good luck. Marriage is a noble goal in Austen’s work (Suffredini, 279). Additionally, scholars have argued that this quote does not reflect the nature of marriage and love as we see it in the 21st century, as it implies that relationships must be heterosexual and that there is no place for homosexuals in true love (Suffredini, 279). This famous quote also sets the tone for the money-centric way that Austen refers to marriage throughout Pride & Prejudice. The character of Charlotte takes this to another level, by putting a comfortable home before even love and respect in a marriage; “I ask only a comfortable home; and considering Mr. Collins's character, connection, and situation in life, I am convinced that my chance of happiness with him is as fair as most people can boast on entering the marriage state” (Austen, 189). Although this does not emphasize extreme levels of wealth as being necessary, it does suggest that love does not play the central role in marriage for some characters. In today’s society, this would be seen as very bad advice. This could be for several reasons. Firstly, women in today’s society are encouraged (in general) to seek their own fortune and therefore the wealth of a potential suitor would not be seen as central and women are now allowed to focus more on other areas of relationships (Copeland & McMaster, 11). Secondly, today’s society has a higher number of women living on their own (Clarke & Wilson, 306), and therefore there would be less shame and a woman could move away from the parental home without marriage, again suggesting this money-grabbing attitude would be bad advice. There is a contrast to this position, which seems to be the main viewpoint of Austen. “Oh, Lizzy! do anything rather than marry without affection” (Austen, 304), Jane tells Elizabeth when hearing of her engagement to Mr Darcy. This seems to contradict the view of Charlotte outlined above, but it seems to be because Elizabeth and Charlotte are in two different positions in life; Charlotte is older than Elizabeth and portrayed as being less charming (Copeland & McMaster, 117). This suggests that perhaps it does best for some women to be pickier about whom they marry, and that these women should focus solely on love. This advice is perhaps good in itself for women of the modern day, as the huge number of romance novels and movies suggests that love and affection is the primary motivation for marriage (Jackson, 201). However, it seems rather ridiculous from a modern day mindset to suggest that a women of 27 who is not necessarily very pretty should be condemned to a life of spinsterhood, or that this is one of the worst fates a woman can endure. This should be taken into account when considering Austen’s advice on love and marriage. Friend and Family Opinions To move on from the previous discussion, it is interesting to note that a lot of the characters in Pride & Prejudice get involved in each other’s love stories and there is a certain element of advice. Additionally, a man would usually have to ask the father of a potential bride for her hand, giving the family of the lovers more prominence in Austen’s world than they have today. However, it is still considered important to impress the family of your significant other (Jackson, 208), so this element of the story could still hold some good advice for modern-day couples. Elizabeth’s father, Mr Bennett, says of Mr Darcy “We all know him to be a proud, unpleasant sort of man; but this would be nothing if you really liked him” (Austen, 298), suggesting that love should come above all else and that Mr Bennett is aware and happy to deal with his daughter’s needs and wishes with regards to marriage. This is perhaps one of the best lines from Pride & Prejudice that should be taken as advice for the modern day couples; it should not matter what other people think of your relationship as long as you like the person you are with. Women in Love Another interesting element of Austen’s work is that men and women are expected to behave in different ways with respect to courtship and dating. Women who are in love are, in general, supposed to remain fairly passive. In general, Austen also supports making the ‘correct’ decisions when it comes to being a woman. Elizabeth, for example, rejects Mr Collins because she does not love him, which is portrayed as an admirable act by Austen (Copeland & McMaster, 206). This is still relevant advice today; do not accept a marriage proposal unless you feel comfortable with it. Additionally, Elizabeth rejects the first proposal from Mr Darcy because it is not to her standard; it feels parsimonious and ungracious (Copeland & McMaster, 207). This again is excellent advice for women of Austen’s era and those of today; do not get into any situation you are not completely comfortable with. Men in Love Men in Pride & Prejudice are the ones that propose marriage, and generally make all the first actions when it comes to courtship. This is perhaps the major area in which Austen’s work falls flat when giving dating advice for the modern couple, as women are now perfectly capable of asking a man to marry her, and can make the first move in a relationship without contempt or judgement from surrounding parties (Immorlica & Mahdian, 55). Additionally, it is suggested that men be careful of the emotions and expectations of women; Austen seems critical with the quote “It is very often nothing but our own vanity that deceives us. Women fancy admiration means more than it does.//And men take care that they should” (Austen, 109). Overall, the relationships between men and women can best be summed up by “We are all fools in love” (Austen, 276), suggesting that men and women both boil down to the same raw emotions. Sexual Intentions in Pride & Prejudice Firstly, it should be noted that Jane Austen, like many writers of her time, does not make any direct reference towards sex in Pride & Prejudice, although there are references that can be read to be referring to sex and the lives of married couples. Whilst there is an obvious sexual double standard present, whereby a man who has pre-marital sex can go on to marry whilst a woman is not afforded the same pleasure, there are some interesting points that are made in Pride & Prejudice. "Mr Bennett was not of a disposition to seek comfort, for the disappointment which his own imprudence had brought on, in any of those pleasures which too often console the unfortunate for their folly or their vice" (Austen, 36), for example, suggests that Austen places the faithfulness of her characters (and thus married couples in general) in high regard. This is still good advice to couples of today, as faithfulness in marriage is still generally regarded as being one of the most important elements of a happy marriage (Immorlica & Mahdian, 60). Conclusion In conclusion, there are several elements of Austen’s work, Pride and Prejudice, which can be seen through a modern-day scope, and some of the advice is good and still relevant, whilst much of it should stay centred in the time at which it was written. For example, money is given quite a lot of consideration in marriage, although Austen does write critically of this type of position. Falling into a marriage to be comfortable is not good advice, or necessary, for modern men and women. Friends and family are given consideration in dating and marriage throughout the book, although Mr Bennett emphasizes the importance of personal opinion, which is valid advice today. However, the gender roles of men and women in courtship and marriage are very much a product of their time, despite the intelligence and independence of Elizabeth Bennett. A woman should not take cues from Austen when it comes to leaving dating and proposals all to men, as this is out-dated. Sexual interaction is also much more of a priority in today’s world, whereas Austen provides scant reference to it, and thus cannot be used for guidance for modern couples in this way. Overall, the advice garnered from Pride & Prejudice should be taken with a pinch of salt for modern couples. Works Cited Austen, Jane. Pride and Prejudice. Charles Scribner, 1918. Print. Clarke, S. C., and B. F. Wilson. “The Relative Stability of Remarriages: A Cohort Approach Using Vital Statistics.” Family Relations (1994): 305–310. Print. Copeland, E., and J. McMaster. The Cambridge Companion to Jane Austen. Cambridge University Press, 2010. Web. 27 Nov. 2012. Immorlica, N., and M. Mahdian. “Marriage, Honesty, and Stability.” Proceedings of the Sixteenth Annual ACM-SIAM Symposium on Discrete Algorithms. 2005. 53–62. Web. 27 Nov. 2012. Jackson, S. “Even Sociologists Fall in Love: An Exploration in the Sociology of Emotions.” Sociology 27.2 (1993): 201–220. Print. Suffredini, K. S. “Pride and Prejudice: The Homosexual Panic Defense.” BC Third World LJ 21 (2001): 279. Print. Read More