My Attempt to Understand My Mother - Essay Example

A Narrative Based On Your Attempt to Understand a Woman My mother used to say: “All these shall slip away”. I did not understand her cliche when I was a child. She had lost her father and mother before she was eight years old. She did not acquire any property from them, but she was brought up by a kind and loving aunt. She got a decent education through her schooling time, and also got a scholarship to pursue her dream in art in college. Fortunately for her, she could pursue her dreams, unlike many females who characteristically faced more challenges and mistreatment than their male counterparts. It was not a smooth sailing for her all through; the patriarchal practices and attitudes formed since the early periods of man’s development acted as an impediment to her and women in general. During her early days in school, my mother was petrified of mathematics. Like many young female children, she had the belief that only the male could tackle problems in mathematics. She further believed that it was due to a particular genetic material that male students were better than the female in mathematics. Unfortunately, older students and teachers concurred with the myth. One day, her fourth grade teacher, made her solve mathematical puzzles in front of the whole class on the board. She was chosen to solve the problem but did not know how to. It was humiliating and discouraging. In my early academic years, whenever I could go to her and ask for assistance with my mathematics homework, she could say: ‘‘I was not convincing at math; ‘‘it is a man’s subject’’. Another time during her ninth birthday, her uncle bought her a doll and a dress that looked like that of a queen’s. In the American culture, a doll, more so a Barbie doll, is seen as the ideal figure of a female. The dress also signifies the appropriate clothing that should be donned by the females. While we were going through her photo album, we came across the birthday pictures. ‘‘Do I not look like a princess? , was I not the most beautiful girl child ever?” She asked. She gazed at the picture for a while before reminiscing on the events of that day. To her, that was the happiest day of her early childhood. One could see the excitement and delight all over her face. The birthday photos had truly lightened up her day. In one of the school dances, my mother’s school friend called Joy failed to get someone to take her to the dance. Joy was considered by most individuals as well built, self-reliant, and strong. Her personality made both boys and girls to be afraid of her. In contrast to her friend, my mother was considered to be beautiful, sensitive, and affectionate. She, therefore, attracted a larger number of friends, and had more interaction with others than Joy. On the day of the dance, Joy was depressed as there was no one to accompany her to the dance. All the boys were in the company of girls that were considered to be attractive and containing physical features that were feminine. A few like Joy, who was feared by boys due to their physical appearance and the way of relating were isolated. Sometime after completing her college education, reality dawned on my mother that she had to stop drinking alcohol. She was consuming alcohol in order to interact in every social event. She had been involved in several alcohol related brawls and accidents. ‘I was overwhelmed by guilt and tried everything to quit drinking,’ she said. After several months, she convinced herself that the problem was not as a result of drinking. ‘‘I could drink up to three bottles of whisky, become aggressive after drinking and suffer serious hangovers thereafter’’ she revealed. After visiting a friend at her house, she ended up drinking till morning. ‘‘Months of drinking, pain, and suffering made me seek help,’’ she said. My mother sought help from friends, colleagues, counselors, and literature. During her following months, she dedicated herself to being sober and started to feel, encouraged, informed, and empowered. ‘Two months into being sober, I could cry, feel confused, and experienced depression.’ She told me. ‘‘I did not know what was going on,’’ she continued. Her school friend Julie gave her details of a support group in the neighborhood that she had become a member for a year. This was an approachable group that dealt with issues that related to after school problems. She attended several sessions of the group and discovered she needed other people’s help and support of those who experienced similar problems. To her, this was a trying time of her life but sharing her condition with others made her overcome the problem and has been sober since then. Another time after she bought a new car, while on the road, she drove past an old van hurriedly and with a lot of confidence. As her car raced past the old van, she had a glance at the driver of the van- he was prodigious and scary. She felt real happy to overtake the old van with her new car. Then in the next red light, the old van stopped beside her new car. Road rage, she thought to herself. ‘‘The car does not suit you’’ the driver of the old van said. Then he drove away immediately the lights turned to green. She remained unmoved for a while, thinking if the same would have had happened to a fellow man. She thought for a while of how men treat women as inferior to them. ‘‘Was it my fault that my car was new and faster than his?’’ she asked. The hooting behind her brought her back to reality, so she drove off, with thoughts of how a man would have reacted going through her head. During her first job, she was expected to go and work at a fire station as a fire fighter. Her uncle had told her that it was time for her to start her own life and become independent. She was twenty four years old at that moment in time, and her mind spent most hours trying to think of how her momentous day would be like. She had heard stories from people and had witnessed how the fire department had been dominated by the male part of the population. This experience was intimidating but at the same time courageous. My mother was going into a field considered to be predominantly masculine. At first, it was difficult working there as firefighters who were men felt she was not able to cope with the working conditions. Over time, she coped up with the working conditions and countered the stereotype about women not being able to work in areas considered to be of male domain. Several years after her marriage to my father and consequently my birth, my family was ordinary, small- I was the sole child. We lived in the city in a small house where we were surrounded by people, houses, traffic and other elements of the city. Mother would often look at the street from the window; ‘‘It is my home, ’’ she would say when challenged by father and me. She did everything to ensure the family stayed together. There were many families like ours, but mother saw us as the only remaining nucleus family, and needed to protect and attach importance to us. She could remember all my birthdays and take the responsibility of organizing them so as to make me be in high spirits. She did everything to make life in the city as comfortable as it could be. This was in addition to the occupation she had. From the day they are born, society socializes women to be concerned about relationships, to concentrate on subjects that are perceived to be associated with being feminine and beautiful like arts, to be concerned with beauty, and to be caregivers (Barnhouse 150). My mother’s uncle bought her a doll and a dress so as to achieve the idea. In school, people do not want to relate to girls who are seen as masculine, clever, and independent. More attention is given to girls who are attractive and sociable. Additionally, mothers take responsibility of most household chores and ensure the general comfort of the family. Work Cited Barnhouse, R. T. A Woman's Identity. San Francisco: Bonne Chance Press, 1994. Print. Read More