Effects of Divorce on Children - Essay Example

Running Head: Effects of Divorce Effects of Divorce on Children [Institute's It may be helpful to understand a little about divorce and the typical effects it has on men, women and children. The divorce rate in the United States is the highest in the world. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce Many families all over the world go through divorce, the rate for divorce is about 40%-60% for newly married and 50%-70% for those who remarry. Divorce causes several adjustments to be made, not just for children, but adults too, but mostly the child is the one who is forced to make the adjustment, the parents, in a way, chose it. Married people divorce each other, not their children, although many are able to keep parenting relationship, there is a minority that do not have that advantage. How Children Are Affected It is obvious that no parent likes to experience the divorce, so why would they want their child do experience it Regretfully, divorce is quite common in present-day society, but researchers have proved that there is a negative impact on the children and their future. A lot of children do not recover from a divorce and their inability to cope with it affects their relationships later on. When parents decide that they will have a divorce, it is not in happiness as most children seem to feel. A recently divorce man/woman will feel a loss concerning their spouse and their marriage. There is also a sense of relief that the faade is over and they can start healing themselves against the pain and suffering they were going through. For those people that do not have children is easier to avoid each other as they will have no strings attached and are in a sense 'free', but those with children need to adjust to their setting quickly and then help their children with the process and help them understand the reason so there are not negative effects of feelings. With or without the divorce, almost all parents want their child to do well but research again shows that children from divorced family do worse, some of them repeat a grade and have a 5% more chance of being expelled. Younger children become more dependent, demanding, unaffectionate and disobedient than children from patched families. They are terrified of being left alone or being unloved, therefore carrying these problems with them to school as well as start using drugs, get into violence, try to commit suicide and have children out of wedlock. Some children believe that they are the source of the divorce because of their misbehavior, due to which children just shut down and keep their feelings to themselves, losing the friends they have and creating a shell around them that doesn't let anyone in. Some effects of children in divorced families are: Being poor Problems in school - lower grades, being held back, dropping out Poor health Higher probability of abuse, mental illness, criminal behavior and early sexual activity Feeling of loss over one parent's absence due to divorce Risk of being abused Impulsive and impatient behavior Anger at others Oppositional, rebellious, defiant, or conduct problems Breaking rules and testing limits Destructive behavior Anger at self Self-blame or guilt Self-destructive or self-harming behavior Apathy or failure to accept responsibility Isolation and Withdrawal Becoming divorced themselves someday Yearly, over 1 million American children experience the tragedy of divorce, and half the children that are born within the year will have parents who will divorce before they turn 18. American society has to teach it citizens that marriage is the best surroundings in which to raise healthy, happy children who reach their potential and family is the essential item for a social well-being. The best thing that parents can do for their child while the divorce is to assure them that the divorce is not the child's fault and to tell them constantly assure them that they are loved by both parents and the relationship with either parent will not be changed because of the divorce, because the divorce is with the spouse not the children. The child should be able to ask about the divorce freely; he should be about to discuss his problems with either parent. The affect will seem lees threatening if both the mother and the father can put aside their differences and each others faults so provide a safe and loving environment for their children no matter where he/she is (at the mother or father's house) The decision of a divorce is taken when smaller steps led to greater differences between the parents. IF the children are not initially aware of the parents differences they will be soon enough as the most parents, unaware, tend to fight in front of the children. But in some families parents quietly handle the matter. It doesn't matter what type of argument goes on at home, the heart of the matter is to let the children know from the beginning so they can feel a sense of importance. "The impact of separation or divorce varies, and can be tempered to some degree by the support of other adults who can provide stability in the child's life. When a marriage has been full of verbal or even physical battles, a child's response to separation may initially be a sense of relief. Even then, there are many other complex reactions. Children often feel responsible for parental problems - and may, at times, have actually been a source of parental disagreement. And when a child sees that parents can stop loving each other, it is not hard for them to imagine that parents will stop loving them, as well". (Separation / Divorce) "Children may be on their best (or worst) behavior if they feel that they are responsible for the divorce, if they are seeking attention, or if they think acting like the "perfect" child will get parents back together. If a parent gets involved with another partner soon after the separation (or if that was a factor in the break-up), children usually have difficulty getting along with that parent, and give the new partner a very hard time. They may also be unfriendly to anyone dating either parent." (Separation / Divorce) Why Divorce Effects Children Some parents think of divorce as their problem, something that doesn't concern their child. To the children they say, "We just can't get along anymore" or "She has been unfaithful." In reality the breakdown of the marriage affects the children, extended families, friends and others. The following are some of the things that children go through in a divorcing family. Fear of Change: The children know that nothing will remain the same; therefore their safe world is shattered. They know that one of their parents will not be around and the family of their parent will not be in contact anymore. They might have to change schools and houses. Fear of Being Abandoned: When the parents are considering a divorce, then the children realize that they will lose a parent. The thought of losing a parent makes them more vulnerable and afraid of losing the other as well. Losing Attachment. Children who have a natural attachment to their parents or are very close to them fear that they might lose that security. As well as their relationships with friends, pets, siblings, and neighbors might be affected. Some children don't adjust well to new surroundings. What Can Parents Do to Help their Children During and Following Divorce Most parents, in whilst going through their divorce, want the best for their children, they don't want their child to suffer, but some parents the experience sudden anger at their spouse or feel a emotional need put their needs ahead of their child's. This leads to more stress and emotional damage to the child. While the divorce, the children might start acting indifferent to their siblings that they were close to before the divorce. Fights and emotional distance might occur, and the stress of the parents among themselves may decrease the amount of attention they give their kids and that will cause the children to share their experience with a distance towards each other. Other children might get closer and more emotionally involved with each other and will confer about how they feel angry and confused about the divorce and the changed that it is bringing in their family. This will cause them to become hostile with each other because they will take their anger out on the other sibling. Parents can decrease their disagreements between the children by taking time out to talk and listen to them and spending some time along with each child. In doing this, parents will see that the younger children are more open about their problem and confusion over the divorce than the elder ones. The elder ones, in their anger, will keep their confusion to themselves so the parents should still take the time to talk to them rather then letting them work it out themselves. It is always a good idea to continue formal procedures that the family used to do before the divorce, such as family picnics or dinners, so that some of the stability is maintained. Conclusion There are many options for parent and children to take so that divorce may not be the messy thing that they see. Some options are: Court-connected divorce education programs These are both for parents and children. School programs for children. Some schools offer a program for the younger children that help them cope with the fact that they are no alone in the matter of a family breakup. They also learn how to handle what they are going through and how to cope with any problem that occurs. Family therapy Going through the divorce, the family experiences uncertainty, emotional upheaval, and changes in their routinely life and with each other. Therapists, for the family or for divorce, can help redefine the relationship and the responsibilities of each person. This kind of therapy is available through public and private mental health centers, university family therapy centers. Resources Parents and children as well as other adults have many resources that they can turn to in their time of divorce. There are many books and even websites that address this problem Overall divorce, although a lengthy and messy process, doesn't necessarily have to be unpleasant; it can be quite calm if both parties are willing to handle it maturely. Some steps can be taken to help both the parents and the child get through this hard time. References The Effects of Divorce on Children and How to Cope http://fatherhood.about.com/cs/divorceddads/a/divorcekids.htm Accessed: July 7, 2006 The Effects of Divorce on America http://www.heritage.org/research/family/bg1373.cfm Accessed: July 7, 2006 The Effects of Divorce on Children http://www.okmarriage.org/services/effectsofdivorce.asp Accessed: July 7, 2006 Effects of Divorce on Children http://www.lisadunningmft.com/effects_divorce_children.htm Accessed: July 7, 2006 Children and Divorce http://www.aamft.org/families/Consumer_Updates/ChildrenandDivorce.asp Accessed: July 7, 2006 Helping Children Understand Divorce http://muextension.missouri.edu/xplor/hesguide/humanrel/gh6600.htm Accessed: July 7, 2006 Divorce in the Classroom: When Does My Child Need Special Education http://www.divorcewizards.com/divorceclass.html Accessed: July 7, 2006 Understanding and Dealing with Children during Divorce http://www.oregoncounseling.org/handouts/divorcechildren.htm Accessed: July 7, 2006 Children and Separation / Divorce http://www.helpguide.org/mental/children_divorce.htm Accessed: July 7, 2006 Read More