When I go home after a hard day, I have to pick up unending coffee cups, ash trays, cushions, close open windows, secure locks and switch off lights, before washing the used dishes, as I need them for cooking and eating. Actually they are my own and he does not have many earthy possessions. He would rather spend money on male perfume, pointed shoes and manicure.
Our conflict cannot come under philosophical, demonic, classical theories. It is definitely not ecological. It comes under the Functional theory and perhaps this kind of conflict is needed for the social functioning. Also it comes under Anomie theory, because both of us are confused about how to treat the other. "This meant that rules on how people ought to behave with each other were breaking down and thus people did not know what to expect from one another. Anomie, simply defined, is a state where norms (expectations on behaviors) are confused, unclear or not present. It is normlessness, Durkheim felt, that led to deviant behaviour" http://www.criminology.fsu.edu/crimtheory/week8.htm
Triggering events that brought conflict into mutual awareness were his smoking inside flat, not cleaning, leaving used dishes all over, being unreasonable about buying things for flat, and arguing on every possible matter. According to him, they are my obsession with cleaning, tidiness, my overbearing desire to have my own way, shrill reaction to smoking and dominating behavior. Historical context on this ongoing relationship, could be from my point of view Communism produces only selfishness and cunning behavior. According to him, Asian people are overbearing, fastidious, without any scope for easy, laid back relationship. External events could be his late hours of work, his unhappiness over not getting a musician's job paying $300 per day, his failure in finding permanent, caring (read money spending) provider in the form of a girl friend and external environment that makes him hesitate to mingle, and thus, more aggressive. He believes that my external events are study pressures, my inability of generating a steady income, my being short of money perennially, and nervousness in completing my degree.
I am sure I do not have any prior assumption about conflict, though, could have been a bit biased about erstwhile communism, and the way of expressing the particular bias, whereas Olek definitely has an annoying way of putting things across about colonialism, middle European male supremacy, and Eastern ignorance and poverty. I express the struggle by being grumpy, silent, unresponsive, cleaning the place with obvious unhappiness and by being unfriendly. Olek shows it with supreme indifference while continuing same attitude that is bound to raise my hackles.
Perceived incompatible goals mainly are smoking, uncleanliness, loud music, unending heating of the flat, disturbance, using things without asking, and leaving them to clean themselves and find their own way to their proper places etc. Perceived scarce resources are gallantry, carelessness, sensitivity, co-operation, fellow-feeling and genuine friendship.
We, being flat mates, are interdependent on mutual harmony and peace in the flat, paying of bills, maintaining a level of mutual respect and concern for one another.