1) The memo is difficult to read for several reasons. First, there are numerous misspelled words scattered throughout. Also, the sentences are not concise. At least one sentence is "run-on." Finally, there are a couple of punctuation problems.
2) Paragraphs should be restructured in the memo to better reflect transition between different ideas. The paragraphs in the memo are not effective because they incorporate too many divergent ideas within the same paragraphs.
Many employees in the Southwest Division have been using personal computers and supporting software. The Systems Development Department (SDD) has therefore decided to coordinate the purchase of hardware and software. Benefits of this decision will be improved compatibility division-wide, and the development of a resource catalogue.
Please contact SDD when you begin shopping for computer equipment. Our knowledgeable staff is equipped to answer questions regarding hardware and software purchases. They will help you make the best choice for your needs at the lowest possible cost. Ongoing purchase decisions following you initial purchase should continue to be funneled through SDD.
A new procedure has been implemented to facilitate your initial purchase and to coordinate purchasing benefits for all employees. After consulting with SDD about your needs, please submit a written proposal and purchase request form to the department for approval. Your proposal should include the following elements: 1) explanation of the need for