This is because men and women do not interpret things the same way. They react differently during conversations. This in turn creates a lot of conflicts and misunderstandings. The question that arises is as to whether men do not listen to women as they claim or is it that women do not understand men and how they participate during conversations. It is as to whether people can understand and appreciate each other despite of their gender differences and hence walk out of conversations feeling listened to and well understood.
In this essay, my main focus will be on the reasons why men and women communicate the way they do and what can be done so that there may be effective communication across the gender divide. It will be argued out that the way we talk is largely influenced by the kind of values that are instilled in us especially o by our parents and the society we live in and not necessarily the way we choose or want to.
We need to understand each other when we are communicating in order to avoid instances where conflicts arise due to miscommunications. We needlessly blame "others or ourselves------ or the relationship" (Tannen pg. 17) instead of identifying the gender differences that we have among us and try to understand and accommodate them.
Boys and girls essentially are instilled with different sets of cultural values hence it seems that when men and women converse it is like people from two different cultures conversing. Obviously, there will be conflicts due to cultural differences. (Tannen pg. 18) shows that "because boys and girls grow up in what are essentially different cultures...talk between women and men is that of cross-cultural communication" .The fact that the society teaches males and females differently makes them relate differently to one another hence the need to understand each other.
Men naturally strive to seek for competition in their conversation so that they are not seen to be losers. They need to show that they are competent and therefore the best in every issue that arises in a conversation. That is why they always give details even on what they have not been asked. The society has taught them to strive to be always dominating and never to appear like they are being controlled. She calls this kind of conversation from men as "report talk". Women on the other hand tend to communicate with the intention of obtaining acceptance in a relationship so that they get the feeling that they belong. According to women, "talk is the glue that binds or holds relationships together" (Tannen pg.85), thus women try to confirm that they are supportive to men by listening keenly so as to establish a good relationship with the men. According to Tannen, women see the world as a network of connections that need to be supported and accepted. They struggle to maintain closeness and hence enhance relationships. She calls this "rapport talk".
Another problem that occurs on conversations between men and women is consultation. Most women will complain that men do not try to ask about something before they endeavor to undertake it even when they do not have knowledge about it. Tannen gives an example of how women try to consult the husband before inviting someone to their home. This is to ensure that her relationship with the husband remains good. On the contrary, men choose to bring a visitor home without consulting the wife if they sense the visitor will
The way people are nurtured is quite different depending on whether one is male or female. Being a male or female is determined by nature and hence has nothing to do with the way in which we behave. However, the roles that the society assigns us and the values that they attach to us make us different…
The explanation for the purpose of gender in these two essays is completely different
betwixt the two—and the opposite sex (men) is mentioned in Cisneros’s piece but not nearly as much as in Tannen’s. The structure of the essays were different in that Cisneros’s piece was short and Tannen’s long.
Finally, I will present a personal perspective on Deborah Tannen’s theory and attempt to determine whether it is true or untrue. Firstly, Tannen speaks about differences in the mechanics of leading a conversation between men and women. The physical positions taken by males and females misalign, Tannen observes.
The society has put a lot of pressure on women, providing unattainable expectations of how women should look and behave just by virtue of being women. This gender oppression has taken a huge toll on women whom struggle to achieve this ‘ideal beauty’ that the society imposes on them.
The question whether there is any difference between men and women when they function as leaders have been the most commonly asked one in years. In the past few years, it has been seen that the number of women in an organization is increasing and they form a large proportion in the work force.
The author tries to answer the question how do the differences between men and women actually shape the personal or individual perception of each person within the society? How do these differences actually affect the ways by which people tend to think of themselves in connection with the other’s perceptions of who they are?
Communication differences come about because language and communication are learned behavior that develops by means of a blend of nurture and nature, environmental stimulation and genetic predisposition.
According to her, women consider conversation as “the cornerstone of friendship”. It is more of the intimacy developed during conversations that is important but for men their bond is based on less talking and more on doing things together.
In our day to day life, the word “language” is used in various ways. However, it is not clearly defined to most of the people that how language should be used. We adore that how a child is developing its language ignoring the grammatical
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