The lack of self-esteem and poor physical self-image - Essay Example

The Search for a Romantic Partner: The Effects of Self Esteem and Physical Attractiveness on Romantic Behavior The lack of self-esteem and poor physical self-image are the main reasons why many romantic relationships go sour. According to the 2002 Marriage Project at Rutgers University, 40-50% of today’s marriages (contracted romantic relationships) are projected to end in divorce.  This statistic has improved since the 1980’s when the divorce rate was around 60% (qtd from Blanchard 2004). “Irreconcilable differences,” seems to be top reason for most divorce which has been interpreted in a number of ways. The Family Law Manual defines irreconcilable differences as “...serious, permanent differences between the spouses that have led to a breakdown in the marriage.” It implies a lack of cooperation and commitment in the partnership, as well as unwillingness to resolve the problem.  In other words, many married couples are not getting along. Happy partners who are satisfied in their relationships are much less likely to divorce (qtd. Blanchard 2004). However, the underlying cause of Irreconcilable differences is actually the lack of self-esteem on either one of married couple. In psychology, self-esteem or self-worth refers to a person's subjective appraisal of himself or herself as intrinsically positive or negative to some degree (Sedikides & Gregg, 2003). Self-esteem involves both self-relevant beliefs (e.g., "I am competent/incompetent", "I am liked/disliked") and associated self-relevant emotions (e.g., triumph/despair, pride/shame). It also finds expression in behavior (e.g., assertiveness/timorousness, confidence/caution). In addition, self-esteem can be construed as an enduring personality characteristic (trait self-esteem) or as a temporary psychological condition (state self-esteem). Finally, self-esteem can be specific to a particular dimension (e.g., "I believe I am a good writer, and feel proud of that in particular") or global in extent (e.g., "I believe I am a good person, and feel proud of myself in general") (Self-Esteem 2005). The development of self comes about in early life from environment cues, personal perceptions and experiences (Phares & Trull, 1997). Once internalized, the self projects rational or irrational beliefs that are expressed as one's personality, influencing every day functioning (Halonen & Santrock, 1997). This internalization becomes the conscience, or controlling factor in the way that people perceive their performance, relationships, and world in general (Raskin & Rogers, 1995). A person with low self-esteem will have difficulty sustaining a healthy romantic relationship because such relationship is based on interdependence and trust. Individual with low self-esteem, sad to say, are not dependable partners and cannot trust easily. Codependence and interdependence are two very different dynamics. Codependence is about giving away power over a person’s self-esteem.  Taking a person’s self-definition and self-worth from outside or external sources is dysfunctional because it causes one to give power over how one feel about himself to people and forces which he cannot control (Burney 1997). Trust is another important quality of a satisfactory relationship.  Presumably, without trust in a close romantic relationship, there can be no security (Blanchard 2004). Some studies showed the three main stages of trust: dependability, predictability, and faith. To have dependability in a partner is to be able to rely on and count on the partner in good times and in bad times.  The predictability of a partner is based on experiences and knowledge of one's partner and how he or she will act in different situations.  Finally, faith is most important because it assumes a level of risk; relying more on personal feelings about a partner helps the person move further into the relationship. It is believed that once a strong sense of trust is developed between partners in a relationship it enables a person to view their partner's motivations, in addition to their own (Blanchard 2004). People do not simply think favorable or unfavorable self-relevant thoughts; they feel good or bad about themselves. Self-concept has been confused with self-esteem, although their relationship is overlapping.  Self-concept is the belief about the self and self-esteem is evaluation of oneself in light of those beliefs (Blanchard 2004).  Therefore, self-esteem is a small component of self-concept.  In other words, self-esteem is a fluctuating feeling or attitude while self-concept is more of a broad evaluation of different concepts including worth, success, motivation, achievement, and attractiveness. In much of the research done on relationships and self-concept, this is the most popular construct (qtd. from Blanchard 2004). Adolescent romantic relationships are affected by self-concept, just as in adult romantic relationships. The relationships found between emotional stability and relationship satisfaction may be due to negative attribution styles, self-criticism, and low levels of self-worth (Blanchard 2004) Humans are known to have a tendency to appreciate aesthetic beauty and drawn to individuals that are close them in looks. There are two classes of attractiveness: physically attractive or the individual’s personality. When one person is physically attracted to another, then there is an increase desire to have interactions. People who are physically attractive are known to have a higher confidence level due to the fact people tend to treat them better. People with higher confidence levels increase their attraction helping to draw other individual’s attention. Many studies have stated that men are more overwhelmed by the physical attractiveness of women, while women are known to comment more on the male personality (Johnson 2000). However, this difference causes men and women to view themselves differently. Women focus on their physical appearance to draw men, while men try to boost their egos about their importance. Not stating that the physical appearance of men is not important, but women usual are drawn to the man’s personal qualities. People start out friendships due to a strong attraction to the person at some point in time. It is human nature to argue the issue that one can have a friend that is just a friend and not a potential lover. However, studies have proven that the reason somebody is drawn to his friends is a physical attraction originally (qtd. from Johnson 2000). Physical attractiveness is the perception of the physical traits of an individual human person or a group, race, or type of people, as attractive or beautiful. Such beauty or attractiveness can include many various implications, including but not limited to sexual attractiveness, "cuteness", and strength. Some aspects of how physical traits are judged attractive are universal to all human cultures, while others are restricted to particular cultures/societies or time periods. Physical attractiveness can have a significant effect on how people are judged, in terms of employment or social opportunities, friendship, sexual behavior, and marriage (Physical Attractiveness 2005). In many cases, humans attribute positive characteristics, such as intelligence and honesty, to attractive people without consciously realizing it. Certain aspects of such attribution behavior have achieved scientific documentation. Physical attractiveness is distinct from, but can include, sexual attractiveness. For example, humans often regard children and young individuals — both human and animal — as being highly attractive or "cute" for various reasons, including their relatively large eyes, but without sexual attraction (Physical Attractiveness 2005). When a person is seen as attractive or unattractive, a whole set of assumptions are brought into play. Across cultures, what is beautiful is assumed good. Attractive people are assumed more extroverted, popular, and happy. There is truth in this — attractive people do tend to have these characteristics. However, this is probably due to self-fulfilling prophecy; from a young age, attractive people receive more attention that helps them develop positive characteristics. Physical attractiveness can have very real effects (Physical Attractiveness 2005). A survey conducted by London Guildhall University of 11,000 people showed that those that subjectively describe themselves as physically attractive earn more than others that describe themselves as less attractive. Less attractive people earned, on average, 13% less than more attractive people, while the penalty for being overweight was around 5%. This can be viewed, however, as result of the increased self-confidence likely to be enjoyed by people who earn more than average. Many have asserted that certain advantages tend to come to those that are perceived as being more attractive, including the ability to get better jobs and promotions, receiving better treatment from authorities and the legal system, having more choices in romantic partners and therefore more power in relationships, and marrying into families with more money. Some even argue that the possession of a certain level of attractiveness (generally recognized as such) should be considered a form of privilege, akin to that of social class or race (Physical Attractiveness 2005). Sexual attraction is surely as ancient as Adam and Eve, but in these past few decades, the pervasiveness of mass media has changed the ancient rules of the game (and not probably for the better). Visual images have become so cheap and widely distributed that we are saturated with them. Visual and purely physical aspects of sexual attractiveness have become over-emphasized and heavily stereotyped. "Ideal" images of sexual attractiveness is bombarding the society every side. From that comes a tendency to compare oneself, and to compare others, to the stereotypes. Society is grading people according to what they lack in comparison to the stereotypical "ideal." Somewhere out there, man is told, there must be a "10" in sexual attractiveness, and the rest all score lower down on the scale (Title 1997). Some studies provide further information regarding the previously underemphasized relationship between body image and relationship and sexual satisfaction. Previous research has shown conflicting results regarding the relationship between an individual's self-perception of attractiveness and interpersonal relationships. The results of recent studies support those indicating a relationship between physical attractiveness and sexual experience. Women who perceive themselves as attractive and appear attractive to others are more likely to be involved in and enjoy romantic relationships. Overall, the results of this study indicate that normal weight individuals are most satisfied with their overall appearance, weight, and physical attractiveness, indicating that being either over- or underweight has a negative impact on self-image and satisfaction with interpersonal relationships (Hoyt 2001). Moreover, the partner who has poor physical self-image will tend to be more insecure when his/her partner is having a conversation with a more attractive opposite sex. Thus friction arises which could lead to further deterioration of the romantic relationship. When I started on this project, I was hoping to know the truth whether self-esteem and physical attractiveness really have a great influence on a person’s romantic behavior and subsequently to maintaining a healthy romantic relationship. My previous assumptions were confirmed after gathering the necessary information regarding the effects of self-esteem and physical attraction on human romantic behavior. I always believe that no one is ready for a romantic relationship until one is able to accept and love himself. Nobody can give what he does not have. The same is true with love, how could someone be able to give love if he does not have or has not received a bit of it. Therefore, one should have to learn to love and accept himself before trying on a romantic relationship. One of the greatest myth on American society regarding love is “There is someone for every one.” This myth seems to imply that no matter how unattractive a person is, there is still somebody out there specially made for him. This myth might be true in a sense that if a person walks in accordance with God’s plan, God may have somebody prepared for him. Nevertheless, one should not neglect the importance of healthy self-esteem and physical attractiveness in any romantic relationship. Several studies had proved that healthy self worth and physical attractiveness are important in determining one success at business, friendship, love—indeed, at nearly every enterprise one would attempt—is largely determined by one’s self image and attractiveness (Mcginnis 1991). People who have a confidence in their personal worth seem to be magnet for success and happiness. Good things drop into their lap regularly, their relationships are long lasting, their projects are usually carried into completion, and they have a way of enjoying the pleasures that the day brings. On the other hand, some people seem to be magnets for failure. Their plans go awry, they have a way of torpedoing their own success, and nothing seems to work out for them (Mcqinnis 1991). References Blanchard, Brianna J. (2004). Investigating the Relationship between Adolescent Self-Concept and Romantic Relationship Satisfaction. Department of Psychology, Saint Anselm College. Burney,  Robert. (1997). Healthy Romantic Relationships - Interdependent, not codependent.California: Information Press of San Luis Obispo. Halonen, J. S., & Santrock, J. W. (1997). Human adjustment. Chicago: Brown and Benchmark. Hoyt, Wendy D. and  Lori R. Kogan. (2001). Satisfaction with body image and peer relationships for males and females in a college environment – 1. Sex Roles: A Journal of Research. Johnson, Mendy. (2000). The Theory of Attraction. Retrieved Nov. 1, 2005, from Colostate.edu.Website:http://www.colostate.edu/Depts/Speech/rccs/theory08.htm. Longmore, Monica A., Wendy D. Manning, and Peggy C. Giordano. (2005). Adolescent Sexual Debut and the Effects of Self-Esteem and Depression. Retrieved from Bowling Green State University. Website: http://www.bgsu.edu/ organizations/cfdr/main.html. Mcginnis, Alan Loy. (1991). Confidence (pp. 13-14). Minneapolis: Augsburg Publishing House. Phares, E. J., & Trull, T. J. (1997). Clinical psychology (5th ed.). New York: Brooks/Cole Publishing Company. “ Physical Attractiveness.” (2005). Retrieved Nov. 1, 2005, from wikimedia. Website: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_attractiveness. Raskin, N. J. & Rogers, C. R. (1995). Person centered therapy. In R. J. Corsini & D. Wedding (Eds.), Current Psychotherapies (pp. 128-161). Itasca: F.E. Peacock Publishers, Inc.. Sedikides, C., & Gregg. A. P. (2003). Portraits of the self. In M. A. Hogg & J. Cooper (Eds.), Sage handbook of social psychology (pp.110-138). London: Sage Publications “Self-Esteem.” (2005). Retrieved Nov. 1, 2005, from wikimedia. Website: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-esteem. Tittle, Dr. Ken. (1997). Speech at Mariposa Ministry Conference on Sexual Attractiveness and Physical Disabilities in Calexico, California, in October 1997. Read More