Single Fathers Raising Children: Issues and Concerns - Term Paper Example

Single Fathers Raising Children: Issues and Concerns Introduction In today’s society, the concept and role between fathers and mothers in childrearing remain to be stereotypical in character. To some extent, parental roles are rigid and confined. However, parental roles are changing and shifting. Brought about by the change or alteration of roles, many difficulties and dilemmas are inevitable to be faced at hand by father-custody families. Few of these difficulties are found within the four-wall homes; while the rest lay beyond the periphery of the family’s front yard. Since fathers raise their children alone, matters of household chores are vital for discussion. The problem arises on how to balance housework with, to name one, office or field work. Fathers may opt for child care. However, child care poses a redefinition of the father concept. This paper explores the issues and concerns confronted by single fathers in raising their children. Stereotyping Men Sanders (1998) wondered when women from college accused him and the male sex of having owned all the pleasures of this world. Such finger pointing, however, is in conflict with what he knows about men. Sanders (1998) perceived men either as warriors or toilers. He even contrasted men against women by saying that men “wore out sooner.” On the other hand, Sanders (1998) stated that women lived longer. The reason for this sharp contrast is that the nature of men’s work or profession is stiff and life-threatening. Sanders (1998) described this sex as men who labor “with their bodies.” On the other side of the scale, Brownmiller (1998) said that men are seen, by and large, to have the “tough mental fiber, the intellectual muscle, to stay in control.” Here, Kriegel (1998) was able to quickly see the paradox. He analyzed that if to be a man is to be tough, smart, and “capable,” then men must always strive and struggle to prove their manhood. In his autobiographical essay, Kriegel (1998) showed how hard it is for men to fulfill the pressures of gender expectations. Furthermore, to escape in these social pressures is colossal. Sanders and Kriegel are few of the men (and fathers) who encounter gender stereotyping. Kite (2001) defined stereotype, generally, as an oversimplified opinion, perception, and image, serving as a component of prejudice. Specifically, Kite (2001) classified gender stereotype as a systematic or consensual opinions about the nature of men and women and the supposed qualities of masculinity and femininity. Changing Parental Roles There has been a significant increase, for several decades past, of families headed by single fathers (Yarber & Sharp, 2010). Bronstein (2001) stated that although numerous fathers in the United States have been absent in their children’s lives, there is still a growing number of fathers who are principal caretakers to their children. Casper and Bryson (1998) reported that there are more than two million father-custody families in the U.S. as estimated by the Census Bureau (as cited in Yarber & Sharp, 2010). Since 1990, such growth has reached fifty percent. In fact, these father-custody families represent 18 percent of all single-parent families with children under minor age. Reasons for Paradigm Shift This phenomenon has been enthralling and staggering considering that child rearing has traditionally or biologically been under the domain of females. The underlying biological basis is the fact that only women can lactate, thereby possessing the natural capability or resource to sustain children from infancy to early childhood. However, Bronstein (2001) argued that parent’s involvement and responsibility to their children’s well-being and growth has no direct relationship to the biological makeup of men and women. He rather contended that gender roles are defined strongly within the specific cultural framework where the father and mother are part and parcel of it (Bronstein, 2001). Dramatic changes in the social and economic spheres within the United States have also brought remarkable changes in the conventional parental roles (Bronstein, 2001). For instance, due to the considerable increase of women’s employment, proximity and accessibility of mothers to their children becomes far from workable. Nonetheless, available data shows that mothers who are full-time employed still do sizeable family work (Bronstein, 2001). Bronstein (2001) conveyed that virtually one-third of mothers who are employed did household chores equivalent to an extra full-time job. Women’s pursuance of career then is not a hindrance or constraint in childrearing. According to Bronstein (2001), the impressive shift in conventional gender-oriented parental roles can be observed in certain “family configuration.” Bronstein (2001) argued that societal acceptance and “trend” are the two main reasons why families headed by single fathers are dramatically rising. This acceptance has threefold structure, namely, acceptance by mothers, courts, and society. Here, the notion of biological-based gender difference is critically questioned. It appears that the understanding and definition of gender role distributed or associated to individuals lay bare to the maternal, political, and social realm. As a rule, Worell (2001) declared, gender-role demarcations have tended to back up society’s agendas. Most importantly, the rising trend of father-headed families is mainly the outcome of the father’s determination to seek and be awarded the child’s custody after divorce (Bronstein, 2001). Men’s will or personal choice is a key factor for father-custody families to thrive and persist. Bronstein (2001) remarked that such trend implies, among others, that men can proficiently and effectively take care of their children on their own. Bronstein (2001) said that there is a research study illustrating that children’s psychological and social product in father-headed families is the same to those in mother-headed families. In addition, there are few studies signifying that children in father-custody families are likely to do better than in mother-custody’s (Bronstein, 2001). Bronstein (2001) mentioned three compelling explanations for this: father’s higher income, fewer household children, and greater noncustodial-parent involvement. Providing material or basic needs and greater attention given to children are the aspects of raising them healthy. Based in this analysis, it is noteworthy that mothers (noncustodial parent) still play a substantial role in rearing children. In essence, those men who question or doubt the reality of women’s instincts and biological-based gender differences tend to be highly involved in children’s caregiving (Bronstein, 2001). Bronstein’s thesis is analogous to Annas and Rosen’s. Annas and Rosen (1998) contrasted sex and gender as biological and social, respectively. Redefining Freud’s “anatomy is destiny,” they contended that anatomy will be destiny only if men and women allow it (Annas & Rosen, 1998). Gersick has a tantalizing discovery about why fathers want their children to be in their custody. Gersick (1979) discovered that fathers with children’s custody seemed to be closer with their own mothers compared to those without custody (as cited in Hanson, Heims, Julian, & Sussman, 1995). It is interesting to note that fathers with custody are men who have emotional and/or psychological attachment to their mothers. This clearly demonstrates that the role of mothers to their children could not be dismissed easily. Still, this would not mean that mothers or women, by virtue of instinct and sex orientation, are better against fathers or men in performing the task of child rearing. Single Father’s Dilemmas However, men’s personal choice is not without consequence. In raising their children, single fathers have many difficulties and issues to face ahead. Rosenthal and Keshet (1981) indicated that there is a time – occurs particularly during the initial period of custody – when fathers encounter confusion and mental anguish (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). When the children cry or are unmanageable, for instance, some fathers become frustrated and distressed being unable to grasp the children’s true emotion. According to Rosenthal and Keshet (1976), nearly half of these fathers asked help and assistance concerning their children’s feelings or behavior from their friends, family members, or specialists (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Fathers do not directly inquire their children’s feelings. It is only with time that most fathers asked to, and rely on, their children for affirmation or verification. According to numerous studies conducted within and outside the United States, there is a recurring difference between father’s and mother’s manner of interaction with their children (Worell, 2001). This difference is largely cultural or social in nature. Father and Child Relationship Mendes (1976) designated that the kind and degree of father and child relationship varies greatly on the child’s age and sex (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). For instance, expressing love and tenderness were overtly shared with younger children compared with older kids. On the other hand, single fathers raising their daughters uttered deep apprehension about their daughter’s sexuality. Once in their custody, these fathers are uncertain and worried about the effect to, and the formation of, the gender-orientation of their daughters. Furthermore, Bartz and Witcher (1978) and Orthner et al. (1978) described how fathers felt awkwardness in raising their daughters (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). It is even conjectured that some fathers may have hesitated to earnestly seek and obtain custody of them mainly because of their sex. On the other hand, Greif (1985) stated that although fathers had more issues or concerns about raising daughters, “they were not necessarily having more trouble with them” (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). The fears and discomfort experienced by these fathers are embedded not in the makeup of their daughters but rather in the unfamiliarity and uncertainty of the female sex. In fact, DeMaris and Greif (1992) construed that fathers felt at ease toward their pre-adolescent daughters (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). The complexity is that when their daughters turned adolescent, that’s the inception of the challenging lives of the custodial fathers. The level of comfort is also a concern addressed by many researchers concerning the father’s feelings. Greif and DeMaris (1990) revealed that some men are uncomfortable or “mixed” in their single-father role (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Comparable to Smith and Smith’s (1981) research, Greif and DeMaris (1990) quantified this “mixed” feelings to approximately 28% from their research sample (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Facchino and Aron arrived to the same findings with other researchers. However, Facchino and Aron noticed that the older and educated fathers are the ones who are able to adapt the father-custody role without difficulty (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Some studies have utilized standard measures to further explore and examine the issues about single father’s comfort and easiness. Nieto’s (1990) survey exposed a fairly high degree of self-worth felt by single fathers (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Akin to other results, only one in every five fathers felt that other people perceived them negatively as custodial parent. Approximately one quarter of them assumed that a father-custody family was a “pathological family structure” (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Stewart et al. (1986) realized that single fathers with custody show a smaller amount of disquiet and desolation compared to noncustodial fathers (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Also, custodial fathers had the same level of adjustment to married fathers. It is inferred that the disparity in terms of happiness or comfort between the custodial and noncustodial single fathers is presence and absence of their children. Housekeeping and Housekeeper Greif (1985) recognized that following the early period of ambiguity or confusion, men adapt to the household work (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Single fathers adjust to household task gradually. As oppose to the popular belief, housekeepers are hardly ever hired. With odd exception, however, single fathers appear to have few dilemmas on managing housekeeping. As a consequence, some custodial fathers share their household chores with their children. Nonetheless, other fathers feel or think it necessary to do the housework on their own as a way of attesting their prowess and competence. It was found out in a study – relating to the division of household chores within father-custody families – that as children aged, they helped out more to the housework. Also, it was revealed that daughters assisted more in the division of chores compared to the sons (Hanson et al., 1995). The desire of these daughters to help in the household work is social in mode. Child Care and Redefinition of Fatherhood Keshet and Rosenthal (1978) stated that if the father provides directly the child care, it often signifies to him a redefinition of the concepts of father and man (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). In their studies, paid day care and babysitter were patronized considerably by many of the fathers working full-time. Child care is the most nerve-racking for single fathers. The reason is that child care generates a temptation to fathers in leaving their children on their own even though the children are not yet ready. Greif (1985) said that younger children evidently need child care while older kids can be left on their own (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). In addition, Bartz and Witcher (1978) stated that looking for a dependable child care was a main concern for fathers (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). According to Chang and Deinard’s (1982) study, finding child care ranked fifth in difficulty out of the 11 criteria set by custodial fathers (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Also, having enough time for the children was a repeatedly mentioned dilemma for the single fathers. Chang and Deinard (1982) affirmed that time management is important to child care (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Worell (2001) revealed that in father-custody families, there is less gender-stereotypical outlook among children. Contrary to children with traditional-oriented parents, children whose single fathers cook, clean, and perform other household chores are likely to have different idea about gender role. This shows that gender definition is based in psychological, cultural, or social arrangement. Balancing Home and Career A single father has to sort out two, or more than two, things at the same time. Hanson et al. (1995) enumerated five things that a custodial father must cope with: balancing child care, career, dating, court-system navigation, and establishing a relationship with his former wife. The most complicated thing to do is to balance work and childrearing (Hanson et al., 1995). Majority of men in the modern world feel and think that they are measured or judged according to their success at work. Because of their household errands, men’s self-worth is reduced if they are unable to pursue their dream career. With career misfortune, financial woes are inevitable. Gasser and Taylor (1976) stated that the pursuance of career was difficult in nearly half of their sample (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Also, managing work-related travel was problematic in over half of them. In Chang and Deinard’s (1982) study, one of the main concerns of custodial fathers was the “lack of employment flexibility” (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Greif (1985) listed four frequently work-related changes: late arrival, leave prematurely, miss work, and cut business trip (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Seldom, custodial fathers were either fired or had to quit. Between Child Caring and Dating Even though single fathers have active social lives, dating also creates problems to them. According to DeFrain and Eirick (1982), 80% of the single fathers bring their dates home to meet their children (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Orthner et al. (1976) noted that 95% of the fathers merely date for “playing the field” rather than seeing one woman (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Feeling vulnerable, some single fathers find it hard to date following the breakup marriage. Other custodial fathers feel restricted by the demands of child care. Others feel constrained by their children’s overt objections who are hoping for their parents to be reunited. Greif (1985) showed that in many instances, socializing or dating only begins a few months after the marriage breakup (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Also, it only becomes serious after three years of separation. According to Greif (1990), social satisfaction is more likely to be attained if the single father is having sexual relations (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Co-parental Relationship The co-parental relationship with the former wife is the third area that the custodial father must cope with. When establishing their co-parental relationship is smooth, this can be the “cornerstone of the family’s adaption” (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). However, Greif (1985) stated that distrust between father and the former wife is quite high (as cited in Hanson et al., 1995). Some custodial fathers wish their former wives were more involved with child care. Meanwhile, others feel that their ex-wives are too much involved in childrearing. Most of the time, the custodial fathers took bold steps to trim down her involvement. Conclusion It is difficult to be a single father. For one, fathers as men encounter gender stereotypes in a role-defining world. The old perception of fathers had created a solid barrier of rules and roles to be followed. However, the perceived roles and responsibilities given to fathers are now changing and shifting. This role shifting is stirred by the changing tides of time: cultural and social changes. Parental role based on biological makeup is a myth. Nowadays, single fathers are willing and enthusiastic to raise their children. More than anything else, this willingness is the key factor why father-custody families are booming in our time. Naturally, problems within a father-custody family are unavoidable. Few of these dilemmas centered on child care, housekeeping, balancing home and career or dating, and co-parental relationship. As time progresses, though, experienced and smart fathers are able to handle these problems quite easily. The concepts of father and man are redefined as a consequence. Parental roles are critically reexamined then in redefining fatherhood, which inevitably leads to shifting roles. Amidst the problems brought about by father-custody family, fathers endure and strive to raise their children with the help of other people and institution. Most importantly – aside from maternal, political, and social acceptance – single fathers who break away from the traditional father and mother roles are the men who thrive to raise their children. References Annas, P., & Rosen, R. (Eds.). (1998). Against the current: Readings for writers. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall. Bronstein, P. (2001). Parenting. In J. Worell (Ed.), Encyclopedia of women and gender: Similarities and differences and the impact of society on gender (Vol. 2, pp. 795-808). San Diego, CA: Academic Press. Brownmiller, S. (1998). Emotion. In P. Annas & R. Rosen (Eds.), Against the current: Readings for writers (ch. 6). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall. Hanson, S., Heims, M., Julian D., Sussman, M. (1995). Single parent families: Diversity, myths and realities. Binghamton, NY: Haworth Press. Kite, M. (2001). Gender stereotype. In J. Worell (Ed.), Encyclopedia of women and gender: Similarities and differences and the impact of society on gender (Vol. 1, pp. 561-570). San Diego, CA: Academic Press. Kriegel, L. (1998). On the beach at Noordwijk. In P. Annas & R. Rosen (Eds.), Against the current: Readings for writers (ch. 6). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall. Sanders, R. (1998). The men we carry in our minds. In P. Annas & R. Rosen (Eds.), Against the current: Readings for writers (ch. 6). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall. Worell, J. (Ed.). (2001). Encyclopedia of women and gender: Similarities and differences and the impact of society on gender (Vol. 2). San Diego, CA: Academic Press. Yarber, A., & Sharp, P. (2010). Focus on single-parent families: Past, present, and future. Santa Barbara, CA: Greenwood Publishing. Read More