The Urban Outcry - Essay Example

The lady of the house heartily denied that she had anything to do with the camera being lost, claiming her husband slipped and tossed the camera into the Loch of his own accord. The issue was still unresolved at press time.

COMMUNITY ALERT – Sewer Alligator Infestation!

The local sheriff’s office along with the fire department has issued an advisory - be extremely careful of what has put down drains and garbage disposals, as increasing reports are coming in of alligators coming out of the sewers.
“I was just walking along Main Street, and there…he…she…it…was”, gasped 89-year-old lifelong resident Gladys Pichers. Ms. Pichers, a longtime member of the local community, claims that she saw a six-foot alligator crawl out of the sewers.
The sheriff’s department, though they were reluctant at first, soon received three more telephone calls about the problem of the reptilian sewer infestation. One woman, who spoke on condition of anonymity, has told the Outcry that she was accosted by an 8-foot alligator across town.
Whether both women saw the same alligator or not was unclear as of press time. It is also unclear as to whether or not the alligators were residents, to begin with, or have traveled many miles to join us in our local community.
We urge all residents to stay tuned to their local paper and television news for further updates.

Bigfoot is Alive and Well!!

While camping in the forests surrounding Mt. Ranier in Washington State, a local high school student has sworn in a signed affidavit to have seen Bigfoot roaming around in the woods as well. “He was, um…tall,” the student recalled when pressed for details on the subject. “And kinda hairy…”
The teen was enjoying a ‘vacation from his vacation’ when his grandparents, with whom he was staying in North Portland, allowed the teen to go backpacking in the forest for the weekend.
Further details will appear tonight on the six o’clock news, when the teen, along with his parents and his lawyer, as well as members of the sheriff’s department, will make a statement and reveal pictures that the teen took while on his expedition. No further searches are expected to take place from law enforcement for the ‘tall, kinda hairy’ Bigfoot. Phone calls left at the residence of the teen were unreturned by press time.

Escaped Mental Patient Safely in Custody Once More

An escaped convict/ mental patient has been returned to the State Hospital tonight after escaping three days ago.
The sheriff’s department was first alerted to the escape by local couple Melvina and Ward Buttons, who were driving through the area of the hospital on the way back from their daughter’s college graduation.
“I stopped the car in the woods because I had to, uh, you know…relieve myself,” Ward Buttons told us embarrassingly. “While I was…uh…
outside, Mel heard the news on the radio and called me to get back into the car.”
Mrs. Buttons added, “It was so strange…it sounded like there were scraping sounds, sounds you don’t hear in the woods. It almost sounded like metal scraping the back of the car. I thought it was nothing, but…”
At this point, Mrs. Buttons broke down in tears and it was left to Mr. Buttons to explain that when they arrived home, they found a hook embedded in the handle of the trunk of their car.
The patient, who suffered the loss of his left hand in a tractor accident, wears a hook in place of the missing hand. Mr. and Mrs. Buttons, along with the entire community, extend their thanks to the sheriff’s department for catching the patient promptly. Read More