An examination of the three styles of parenting as proposed by Diana Baumrind - Essay Example

?Running Head: PARENTING STYLES Parenting styles: An examination of the three styles of parenting as proposed by Diana Baumrind Parenting styles: An examination of the three styles of parenting as proposed by Diana Baumrind Becoming a parent is one of the most common experiences in human existence, and yet it parenting is one of the most difficult skills to learn, and even more difficult to master. Just when a parent believes they have mastered the skill of parenting, their children become teenagers and they are flummoxed by the many ways in which they can be challenged. That sweet little girl who used to wear black patent shoes is suddenly trying to walk out the door wearing black lipstick and eyeliner. In looking at the way in which parents respond to their responsibility as a parent, developmental psychologist, Diana Baumrind defined three different parenting styles from which the relationship between the parent and child is developed. These three different styles are then affected by a myriad of cultural influences that support the methods from which the parent adapts the developing relationship. In the search for effective parenting, there are three basic styles that will then be adapted to the relationship between the parent and the child. The first type of parent defined by Baumrind is the authoritarian parent. The authoritative parent is characterized by “plenty of rules, but (they) rank low on child centeredness, stressing unquestioning obedience” (Rossman, 2007, p. 105). In this style of parenting, the concept of obedience comes above all other values, the nature of the relationship between the parent and the child strictly enforced as the child is submissive to the dominance of the parent. This means that discipline in the form of strict rules and rigidity in adhering to those rules is the primary focus of the nature of the relationship. Authoritarian parents do love their children, but often this style of parenting will seem detached and cold, the rules being more important than any other aspect of the relationship (Belsky, 2007). The second type of parenting are permissive parents. In this parenting style, little discipline is provided by the parent, although there is a high rank on child permissiveness (Rossman, 2007). Parents who are permissive are usually very loving, but they center their world on their children in such a way as to respond to all of the child’s demands and expectations without setting limits and defining boundaries. This type of parent is very conscious of every need and want a child will express without balancing out that set of desires with rules to frame their disciplinary tactics. In this type of home, the most consistent aspect of the relationship between the child and parent is the inconsistency with which life is managed. The third form of relationship between a parent and child is the more ideal version of how parenting should be accomplished. This form of parenting is “the best possible child-rearing style in which parents rank high on both nurturance and discipline, providing both love and clear family rules” (Rossman, 2007, p. 105). Authoritative parents know how to set limits and to structure the life of the child through appropriate discipline, however, they also have flexibility that allows for communication between the child and the parent to have a responsive quality. Children have a modicum of input on how the rules are defined, but the parent remains in control of the limits and the answer ‘no’ is balanced with a healthy number of ‘yes’ responses when that response will have little harm on the nature of the disciplinary education of the child. An example can be used when a bedtime is set for 9pm, but once a week a program that the parents deems appropriate or at least, not harmful, begins at 9pm, thus permission is given for that one night to stay up until 10pm. In this example, the parent is giving the child the ability to make a choice that proves that an exception can be made. Researchers have found that “using Baumrind’s framework, they found that authoritative parenting was correlated with a host of measures of childhood success, predicting everything from academic achievement in adolescence to superior pre-school social skills” (Belsky, 2007, p. 207). There is a fourth type of parenting style, but this style means that an individual has not accepted their role as a parent. This style, termed the rejecting-neglecting style, is defined by a parent who neither provides discipline nor love for their child. As this type of parent is not attempting to be a parent, it is not really a style of parenting, but a consequence of rejecting the role. In this type of engagement between the parent and child, the child is left to raise themselves, provided with no frameworks from which to learn how to structure their lives and no real resources with which to find resolutions for their needs. Having a child provides an opportunity for an individual to make a decision to become a parent. That decision is defined by the choice to engage in the development of a child. Love provides the framework of the three styles of parenting, while a lack of love is part of the nature of the rejecting-neglecting parent, although there are some instances where this is not the case. In the decision to parent a child, the individual takes on the responsibility of choosing methods to establish socialization and life skills so that the child can grow to be a well balanced and productive member of society. Although not all methods are successful, the intention of the parent is to accomplish these goals. There are a series of influential factors that will shift the nature of the parenting style that is used in rearing a child. Factors of gender, ethnicity, culture, exceptionalities, and family type will modify the use of the differing parenting styles. Cultural differences play a large part in the nature of how children are raised. A culture develops a unified focus for how generally to approach child-rearing. As an example, Nevid (2011) states that “Asian cultures tend to emphasize respect for parental authority, especially the father’s and warm maternal relationships” (p. 316). Nevid (2011) also suggests that in African American families, kinship is an important factor in raising a child which means that often extended family, in particular grandparents, are involved in raising a child. In this model, children are raised by more than just the nuclear family relationships, thus they have the benefit of the views of a group of adults. An example that can be used on both parenting and on how society affects the nature of parenting can be seen through the European ‘Travelers’ or ‘Gypsies’. In Britain, ‘Travelers’ are classed as a racial group and there are specific laws against discrimination against them. However, cultural predispositions towards discrimination makes their life difficult where public services, such as education, are concerned. Therefore, traveler children are told to hide their identities as ‘travelers’ in order to decrease the amount of rejection that they suffer in public. This is done as a method of protecting them from the pain of discrimination (Millam, 2011). However, this creates a culture that is insular, the parenting methods based upon tow different worlds in which one is exclusionary where the other is inclusive. This creates tight bonds within families which have strict rules by which they raise their children. However, the ‘Travelers’ provide a strong example of how males and females are often parented differently. While all gender orientation creates differing responses from parents, males treated different than females where discipline and responsiveness are concerned, the ‘Traveler’ traditions reveal a strong example of the effects of this type of different treatment. Female travelers are given strict structures of discipline, the culture placing the responsibility of home and family on the shoulders of the women. Gypsy girls typically leave school when they begin to menstruate as they are expected to marry shortly after that time period. Marriage automatically ends school if it has not ended before this time, their lives dependent upon their ability to keep a good home and to bear and raise children. Males, on the other hand, are indoctrinated into the public life of the ‘Traveler’, as based upon their ability to generate income. They are given far less structure and are encouraged towards independent thought (Emigh & Szelenyi, 2001, p. 54). While this strict division of gender roles is exaggerated in comparison to most other modern cultures, the background of this kind of division exists across cultures, thus provides subtle versions of the same kind of partiality where structure and discipline is concerned. While in ‘Traveler’ families education is not typically valued (Emigh & Szelenyi, 2001), in families where education is valued there can still be the existence of differences in the way in which girls are structured and encouraged than boys towards education. Sex-role specialization creates an environment where the roles of gender are divided by the implications of the domestic sphere in comparison to the public sphere. In families where the domestic sphere is considered the realm of the female, one of two structures of discipline might be observed. A female may experience more structure as she is expected to learn how to care for the home in an authoritarian or authoritative parenting relationship, where a male may experience less structure as the mother then waits on him within the home in a permissive atmosphere. The reverse may also apply where a female is treated like a princess, her life defined by whim through permissive parenting, where a male is expected to learn how to work outside the home and is therefore given more structure so that he can one day take care of the financial needs of a woman through authoritative or authoritarian, depending on the circumstances, parenting types. Three types of family settings can determine aspects of how the genders are raised through differences of expectations: available family members who take responsibility for child rearing, cultural and parental goals concerning the outcome of gender differences, and the continuity of those expectations across family group members throughout a life span (Lancaster, 2011, p. 244). As an example, “gender by child age interactions for the theme of individual and other-orientation revealed that a parent was more likely to mention individualistic skills and less likely to mention concern for others to a daughter as she grew older” (Zimmerman, 2003, p. 29). The reverse was observed for males as parents tend to engage a male in conversations about concern for other rather than focus on individual skills for personal survival. In this case, it was observed that females more often automatically nurtured others, but tended to ignore their own needs, while males were more than willing to learn to fend for themselves, while females would ignore survival skill adaptations. Another aspect of parenting is dealing with exceptionalism where an inflated sense of importance is placed upon the identity of an individual. American exceptionalism can be define as “Americans habitually imagining of themselves as a morally elevated people set apart from the rest of the world and living in a land of opportunity that is the envy and aspiration of humankind” (Edwards & Weiss, 2011, p. 32). From a cultural point of view, this trickles down into the belief that children are better than others, their self esteem inflated to a point of feeling entitlement. An example of this, although ironically positioned within a British story, can be found in the character of Dudley in the Harry Potter stories. His permissive parents inflated his self-esteem to the point where he believed that he was genuinely better than Harry, his belief in himself not based on achievement but on entitlement (Stearns, 2006, p. 10). In trying to raise children, a parent will have only their own acculturation from which to define that experience. Baumrind developed two criteria sets in which to define parenting. These are based upon “how demanding the parent is of the child and how warmly the parent relates to the child” (Rosen, 2007, p. 73). Demanding is based upon how the parent sets rules and how they are expected to be followed. Warmth is defined by the way in which a parent responds to emotional and physical needs (Rosen, 2007). The way in which parenting develops and is administrated may also evolve or change as a child becomes older. Where a parent may start out with a solid authoritative methodology, belligerence and defiance as a child grows older may lead to a more permissive parent who does not know how to appropriately handle the reactions of a child when they begin to assert independence. As well, if a child exhibits different behaviors that defy the will of a authoritative parent, they may become more authoritarian, withdrawing as they are confused by the actions of the child, possibly taking it personally and becoming offended, and then placing strict rules and expectations of absolute obedience to contradict the defiant behavior (Ball and Cowen, 2010). The secret to developing an authoritative methodology of parenting is in finding balance and consistency, allowing for the biological changes that effect behavior as a child grows older and realizing that most of what occurs that seems to be in defiance of the adult, is not personal. Compartmentalizing emotions, creating a safe place in which the actions of the child are not seen as a personal assault will allow the parent to more efficiently remain consistent, to find forgiveness for transgressions that a child experiences, and to help move past any defiance towards finding a position in life where healthy, adult decision making is the outcome of parenting along the life span. The three main forms of parenting as defined by Baumrind allow for an understanding of the importance of balance as one is too permissive, the other too strict, with the middle ground being the most effective. Of course, a parent who does not act like a parent and rejects and neglects their child has made no choice towards being a parent. Influences of gender, culture, and family can have a great impact on how a parent chooses to raise a child. In addition, developing a sense of exceptionalism will over inflate self-esteem that needs to be nurtured through healthy discipline and a sense of how community equalizes and is essential in life. Parenting is a difficult task, but if one makes clear choices on how to raise a child in a balanced environment, they will be successful in creating a well rounded adult. After all, the goal of parenting is to continue the species in order to create contributing members of society. References Ball, J., Bindler, R. M. G., & Cowen, K. J. (2010). Child health nursing: Partnering with children & families. New York: Pearson. Belsky, J. (2007). Experiencing the lifespan. New York: Worth. Edwards, J. A., & Weiss, D. (2011). The rhetoric of American exceptionalism: Critical essays. Jefferson, N.C: McFarland & Company. Emigh, R. J., & Szelenyi I. (2001). Poverty, ethnicity, and gender in Eastern Europe during the market transition. Westport, Conn: Praeger. Lancaster, J. B. (2011). Parenting across the life span: Biosocial dimensions. New Brunswick, NJ: Transaction Publishers. Millam, R. (2011). Anti-discriminatory practice: A guide for those working with children and young people. London: Continuum. Nevid, Jeffrey S. (2011). Essentials of Psychology: Concepts and Applications. Wadsworth Pub Co. Rosen, L. D. (2007). Me, MySpace, and I: Parenting the net generation. New York: Palgrave Macmillan. Rossman, R. (2007). Study guide to accompany experiencing the lifespan Janet Belsky. New York: Worth Publishers. Stearns, P. (2006). American fear: The causes and consequences of high anxiety. New York: Routledge. Zimmerman, T. S. (2003). Integrating gender and culture in parenting. New York: The Haworth Press. Read More