Violence In Premarital Relationships - Research Paper Example

Violence In Premarital Relationships Abstract The prevalence of violence in premarital relationships has been on the increase in the recent past particularly among adolescents. This paper examines the incidence of conflict and violence in premarital relationships, discussing the causes, responses of different partners towards the violence and the possible interventions. Available literature points to cultural beliefs and personality traits as being among the major causes of violence in premarital relationships. Once it happens, most partners respond to violence in their relationships through denial, self-blame, retaliation and suffering in silence. This in turn leads to detrimental psychological, emotional and physical health effects. Interventions should reduce the burden of violence on victims, encourage perpetrators to adopt non-violent problem-solving skills, and sensitize the community towards embracing diversity. Introduction This paper examines the incidence of conflict and violence in premarital relationships, discussing its possible causes, the responses of each member of the couple, and its therapeutic interventions. The incidence of conflicts in relationships is widely prevalent, due to differences in reasoning and perception between couples. The likelihood of such conflicts turning to actual violence is determined by different factors. Either of the spouses may perpetrate violence in a relationship, and this may be through psychological warfare or actual physical abuse. Violence in relationships may occur in the form of physical, emotional or sexual abuse, or a combination of all. The violence involves any attempts by one partner to control the other partner in the relationship, initially resulting in conflicts and later developing into actual violence. Incidence of conflict and violence in premarital relationships Literature review Herman (2009) defines violence in premarital relationships as “the perpetration or threat of an act of violence by at least one member of an unmarried couple within the context of dating or courtship, either in same sex or opposite sex relationships” (Herman, 2009). Accordingly, violence is the exertion of power and control by one spouse over the other during the course of the relationship, whether openly or disguised as an act of love. However, there exist different definitions of violence between boys and girls, with each group considering different acts to be violent. Noticeably, violence in relationships occurs in form of a cycle. The first phase involves tension including anger, arguing, and blame, followed by the actual violence that may involve slapping, hitting, choking, verbal abuse and use of objects. The last phase is usually calm, characterized by apologies and excuses (Herman, 2009). Ayers and Davies (2011) assert that since sexual and physical violence is easily recognizable, the more prevalent forms of violence in premarital relationships are emotional and psychological abuse. Accordingly, spouses may subject each other to psychological abuse unknowingly, or they may choose to control their partners through psychological abuse rather than actual physical violence. The different forms of psychological violence include verbal abuse, sulking, spreading gossip with the intent of causing harm to the partner, silent treatment, and controlling attempts (Ayers & Davies, 2011). Verbal abuse involves insulting, yelling, swearing, and put-downs, and may lead to actual physical violence depending on the intensity of the conflict. Parrott and Zeichner (2003) observe that nearly two million women experience relationship violence in the United States each year, indicating a serious societal problem. In their study on the effects of negative attitudes towards women in relationship violence, they concluded that stereotyped attitudes held by men towards women are among the major causes of violence and conflicts in relationships (Parrott & Zeichner, 2003). Such attitudes include adversarial sexual beliefs that prompt spouses to believe their partners are exploitative and manipulative. In addition, studies indicate that most male partners tend to be violent towards female partners in a premarital different-sex relationship when faced with the threat of humiliation from them, for instance resulting from personal achievements (Parrott & Zeichner, 2003). Similarly, Ayers and Davies (2011) maintain that nearly 30% of individuals in premarital relationships are victims of violence, 10% of them having suffered physical abuse in the last year (Ayers & Davies, 2011). The prevalence of conflicts and violence in premarital relationships in the United States is reportedly on the increase, and figures indicate that as many as 57% of spouses, particularly the youth, could be victims of violence (Herman, 2009). Statistics indicate that the number of male victims of abuse is lower than that of female victims, with, for instance, 33% boys and 68% girls reporting abuse in 2002 (Herman, 2009). In a study of courtship violence among college students, Shook et al. (2000) associated family violence in the early life of the perpetrator with possible aggression in premarital relationships in future. The types of family violence associated with such behavior included direct subjection of the individual to violent acts, and witnessing conjugal violence on a member of the family (Shook et al., 2000). However, witnessing conjugal violence was not by itself a precursor for partner violence in a relationship, but it played a role in influencing aggression in spouses (Shook et al., 2000). Herman (2009) notes that violent behavior of friends among adolescents greatly influences violence in premarital relationships, as does the violent behavior of parents and other members of the community in which either spouse lives. Sexual betrayal and exposure of confidential information regarding the other spouse are among the leading causes of violence in relationships, as well as emulation of violence showcased through the media (Herman, 2009). Other factors include the place of residence of the couple, with studies noting that some regions have higher violence rates than others. Although most studies have examined the factors attributed to conflicts and violence in premarital relationships, these factors had similar influences in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships, with gay couples reporting high levels of interpersonal conflicts (Herman, 2009). Protivnak and McRoberts (2011) discuss the use of Conflict Tactics Scales to identify violent behavior in a relationship, and provide possible interventions to reduce the risks of such behavior becoming extreme. Following their study of abusive partner relationships among high school couples, they ascertained that different behaviors indicate the presence of violence in a premarital relationship, or the potential development of such behavior. The Conflict Tactics Scales use rubrics to monitor the frequency of various indicators of violence, including actual physical abuse through slapping, hitting, shoving, and kicking, and the behavior of the victim before such attacks (Protivnak & McRoberts, 2011). The effects of conflicts and violence in premarital relationships to the victims include increased likelihood of developing post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression, dissociation, low self-esteem, substance abuse and self-injury (Protivnak & McRoberts, 2011). Violence in relationships also increases the potential for death, either through injuries sustained because of the violence or due to victim suicides (Herman, 2009). In addition, violence may expose the victims to risks of sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies, especially in cases of sexual abuse. Causes of conflicts and violence in premarital relationships Family backgrounds The family background of a victim or perpetrator of violence plays a role in influencing such violence in the life of the individual (Herman, 2009). In families that use violence as a form of punishment or solution to issues, members are likely to adopt violence in their future lives. An individual from such a background could resort to violence while solving issues in a romantic relationship. Exposure to violence from the family could increase the likelihood of a spouse engaging in violence in a premarital relationship. Similarly, such exposure to violence from the family could increase the likelihood of a partner putting up with violent behavior in a relationship, thus promoting its escalation. Growing up in families with a low level of supervision or parental control could increase the likelihood of a partner being controlling and abusive (Herman, 2009). Considering the individual is used to doing things with minimal regulations, the likelihood of conflicts arising in a relationship is high given the need for compromise and differences in personal interests. In addition, the partner may tend to control the actions of the spouse, leading to conflicts and possible violence (Herman, 2009). Similarly, conflicts could arise if the relationship requires one partner to be submissive to the other, while the partner is not used to being controlled due to lack of parental supervision in the family. Poor relationships between parents and their children in the family may increase the likelihood of the children being violent in future relationships (Herman, 2009). A child deprived of love and affection by the parents may fail to offer such affection to a partner in romantic relationships, promoting the growth of conflicts. The lack of parental affection may also promote development of poor interpersonal skills and lead to poor emotional attachments in romantic relationships, and this could result in conflicts. Poor parent-child relationships could also lead to negative personality traits in a person, including aggression and rebellion, thus increasing the likelihood of violence in premarital relationships (Parrott & Zeichner, 2003). Individual personality The occurrence and frequency of violence in premarital relationships is influenced by the personality traits of the partners in such relationships (Herman, 2009). Most perpetrators of the violence have high response to social pressure, and as such, the actions of their peers influence their behavior in a relationship. In violent societies, a partner’s high response to social pressure increases the likelihood of violence in a relationship. Since adolescents are more prone to engage in premarital relationships, their natural aggression and rebellion could increase violence in relationships for partners with a high response to pressure from peers. Poor interpersonal skills in either of the partners increase the likelihood of conflicts and violence in a relationship (Herman, 2009). The partner could be unable to compromise personal interests for the sake of the relationship, and the regular conflict of interests could erupt into actual violence. Poor interpersonal skills affect the interaction of the partners in the relationship due to emotional detachment and lack of proper communication, and trivial issues could lead to confrontations or actual violence. Poor interpersonal skills also lead to poor decision-making guided by greed and selfish interests. A partner with poor interpersonal skills does not understand the needs and interests of the other spouse, and conflicts may result from decisions made to control the actions of the other. Poor anger management by either partner in a premarital relationship may increase the likelihood of conflicts and violence in the relationship (Herman, 2009). The likelihood of such violence increases with substance use and abuse, for instance, alcohol. A partner with poor anger management skills is likely to be aggressive and irrational and to make decisions without logical reasoning. Poor anger management leads to more physical abuse in relationships characterized by slapping, hitting, kicking and choking. Similarly, yelling, name-calling, cursing, and swearing results from difficulties with anger management. Societal perceptions in region of residence Violence in premarital relationships is influenced by the beliefs and perceptions of the society regarding different gender roles (Herman, 2009). Consequently, such beliefs determine how the partners relate with each other in the relationship and dictate corrective actions for solving interpersonal problems. Different beliefs regarding gender roles lead to conflicts in relationships especially if one partner shares differing opinions. Such cultural and societal perceptions regarding the role of partners in a relationship may increase the likelihood of conflicts and violence in premarital relationships (Chutter, 2009). The region of residence for either partner in the relationship influences the interaction of the partners in a premarital relationship. For instance, studies noted that states in southern U.S had high rates of violence in relationships than states in other regions of the U.S (Herman, 2009). The prevalence of violence in particular regions results from prevailing beliefs and perceptions in the regions. Apart from encouraging partners from such regions to engage in violence in their relationships, the beliefs may encourage the victims from such regions to condone the practice, leading to continued abuse. In the community, prevention of violence in premarital relationships depends on the degree of community support developed for victims of the violence, and the kind of interventions implemented to reduce such occurrences. History of violence and abuse Victims of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse are more likely to engage in violence during their lifetime than those without a history of abuse (Herman, 2009). In premarital relationships, the likelihood of conflicts and violence increases if one of the partners has a history of abuse. Additionally, the likelihood is more if the abuse was sexual or physical. A history of violence affects interpersonal interactions in premarital relationships, especially since a partner may adopt strategies aimed at preventing their recurrence (Herman, 2009). Such strategies could be controlling to the other partner in the relationship leading to conflicts. Alternatively, the partner with a history of violence may resort to violent means of resolving interpersonal conflicts. Pregnancy, betrayal and the media Most pregnancies in premarital relationships are unplanned for and unintentional (Herman, 2009). Consequently, such pregnancies are stressful, and they increase the likelihood of irrational reasoning between the partners. Coupled with the challenges of adolescence, pregnancies increase the probability of conflicts in premarital relationships and may lead to perpetration of actual violence. Girls who get pregnant in premarital relationships are more likely to be mistreated, abused and victimized. In addition, girls with a history of pregnancy have an increased likelihood of being subjected to violence in premarital relationships (Herman, 2009). Betrayal in relationships increases the likelihood of conflicts and violence between partners in a premarital relationship. Sexual betrayal and the betrayal of confidential information about a partner to the public are the most common forms of betrayal, and they promote the development of conflicts in relationships, most of which turn into physical or psychological abuse (Herman, 2009). In some cases, aggression and violence depicted through the media may influence the development of such behavior in individuals, especially those with high response to social pressure. However, the influence of the media in promoting conflicts and violence in premarital relationships largely depends on individual personality traits. Responses of each member of the couple to violence in the relationship Girls involved in violent conflicts in premarital relationships have different responses towards the violence, including denial, self-blame, and hope that the situation may change (Herman, 2009). Few of them report the violence to the authorities for fear of retaliation or escalation of the situation. Through denial, partners involved in intimate-relationship violence and conflicts in premarital relationships fail to take any corrective actions, preferring instead to act as if nothing happened. They deny the occurrence of such conflicts and violence to save themselves from heartaches and disappointments caused by the behavior of the violent partner, especially since such behavior may be unexpected. Some girls blame themselves for their partner’s radical and violent behavior. They look for errors on their part, blaming themselves for provoking the violence displayed by the partner. In a way, they like to believe that they caused the confrontations or the fights due to their actions, and they blame their deeds for leading to the violent outbursts portrayed by the partner (Herman, 2009). As such, they consider the violence justifiable, and they believe they deserved the treatment they received. Self-blaming girls do not see anything wrong with their partners. They do not consider the violent behavior to be a cause for alarm, consoling themselves that had it not been for their own errors and provocations, the partner would not have reacted violently. Some girls realize the seriousness of the situation, but they fail to take corrective action hoping the situation would change. They do not deny the gravity of violence in the relationship; neither do they blame themselves for such conflicts. However, they fail to take action in the hope that the partner would change, and that such violence would not occur again. In most cases, such girls do not report the violence to the authorities nor tell their friends about it, and a recurrence of the situation could lead to disassociation or development of psychological disorders (Ayers & Davies, 2011). Cultural and societal perceptions or beliefs may force a girl to feel that the violence in the relationship is normal and acceptable (Herman, 2009). Some cultural beliefs allow men to beat their wives, thus a girl subjected to such beliefs would find the violence in her premarital relationship culturally acceptable. As such, she would neither report the violence to the authorities nor challenge her partner against the practice. Since such cultural beliefs consider women inferior, they condone violence in relationships as a form of correcting wrongs. A girl in such a relationship feels abused and violated, yet the community cannot help her since their traditions condone the practice (Parrott & Zeichner, 2003). She thus feels helpless, and recurrence of the violence could be detrimental to her psychological, physical, and emotional health. The fear of escalation of the violence, or retaliation in case anyone outside the relationship knew about it discourages some girls from reporting it, and thus they suffer in silence. They respond to the violence by persevering. In some cases, such girls turn to substance use in a bid to calm their nerves and get used to the abuse (Ayers & Davies, 2011). Recurrence of violence in the relationships leads to increased use of the adaptive strategies adopted by the girl, causing more psychological and physical harm to her health. Suffering in silence also forces such girls to dissociate from their families and friends for fear of the partner suspecting them of reporting the abuse, thus reducing their likelihood of getting help. In some cases, such girls die from suicide, extreme violence or substance overuse. On the other hand, boys subjected to violence in premarital relationships may retaliate by getting equally violent, or suffer in silence due to embarrassment (Herman, 2009). In most societies, men are considered superior and violence against them from women would be embarrassing. Consequently, most of them suffer in silence to retain their ego in the society (Parrott & Zeichner, 2003). In addition, most boys subjected to violence in premarital relationships deny the occurrence of the violence, hope for a change in the situation, or ignore such behavior by their partners as random and unintentional. Some boys respond to violence from their partners in premarital relationships by retaliating through more violence. In many cultures, men are the superior beings, and submitting to women is unacceptable (Parrott & Zeichner, 2003). A boy subjected to such beliefs would react to violence from his partner by being equally or more violent in an attempt to regain his manly status. In some cases, the retaliation would be a punishment to the girl for playing the role of the man in the relationship, while in others; the retaliation would be an attempt by the man to prove his manhood and save his ego (Protivnak & McRoberts, 2011). Responding to violence through retaliations could increase the severity of the situation and lead to more damage on the physical, psychological, and emotional health of the partners. Boys may also respond to violence by denying its occurrence and failing to pursue the matter. This may result from the fear of being mocked by their peers, or for fear of the situation escalating. By denying the presence of violence in a relationship, the boy prevents people from helping him, leading to recurrence of the violence (Shook et al., 2000). Moreover, beliefs in many communities perceive the man as the superior being, and a boy denies the violence to save his face in the society (Herman, 2009). Alternatively, some boys ignore the violent outbursts of their partners to avoid further confrontations. They may also ignore the violence since girls are not perceived as being strong enough to fight men, thus challenging them to a fight would be unreasonable. Some boys respond to violence in their relationships by accepting it, feeling that they deserved how they were treated for being on the wrong (Herman, 2009). Although accepting violence through self-blame prevents escalation of the situation as witnessed through retaliation, continued violence leads to psychological and physical ill health. Given the shame associated with violence from a girl, recurrence of the violence may promote the development of undesirable traits, including disassociation, poor interpersonal relations, and substance use (Chutter, 2009). A boy subjected to violence in a premarital relationship may also develop psychological disorders due to helplessness and desperation. Therapeutic interventions Guidance and counseling Psychologists and relationship counselors should establish counseling programs to offer guidance to victims of violence in premarital relationships. Since violence may lead to the development of psychological disorders and compulsive behavior as an adaptive strategy, counselors should offer solace to violence victims to reduce the effects of such violence on their psychological health (Chutter, 2009). Such counseling would lessen the burden of suffering silently, thus the partners subjected to violence in their relationships will be able to heal and lead happier lives. Moreover, therapeutic interventions should provide the victims with better adaptive strategies to avoid instances of substance use and abuse. Guidance and counseling should also be focused on the perpetrators of violence in premarital relationships aimed at encouraging the use of non-violent problem-solving strategies (Chutter, 2009). Through counseling sessions, the therapist should establish the cause of violence in the perpetrator’s relationship and provide strategies for avoiding such causes to reduce the prevalence of violence. Additionally, the counselor should provide non-violent strategies for solving conflicts in relationships, encouraging the perpetrator to resort to more peaceful problem-solving mechanisms rather than the use of violence. Education sessions should be initiated in the community to offer guidance and counseling lessons to the society as a whole. The lessons should be aimed at educating the public on the need to adopt non-violent problem-solving strategies by informing them of the dangers of violence (Chutter, 2009). Specifically, education sessions should create awareness in the community regarding the negative psychological, physical, emotional health risks of subjecting a partner to violence in a premarital relationship. Through such awareness, abusive partners would make informed choices while resolving conflicts in relationships and would avoid violent confrontations during such resolutions. Management of substance use Studies have shown that the use of substances like alcohol and drugs in relationships is one of the causes of conflicts and violence (Herman, 2009). Therapeutic interventions should assist the party using such substances in relationships to either quit or control their usage. Since drugs and alcohol use affects the psychological functioning of the user, such use hinders the making of rational decisions, promoting conflicts which may escalate to violence. Encouraging adolescents to manage their intake of substances would reduce cases of violence in relationships caused by their use (Chutter, 2009). Interventions aimed at managing substance use and abuse should provide safe strategies for avoidance of use, or effective mechanisms for victims of substance-use-related abuse to avoid violent situations with a substance-using partner. Personality management Difficulties in anger management, poor interpersonal skills, and high response to social pressure are among the major causes of conflicts and violence in premarital relationships (Herman, 2009). As such, personality management interventions focused on reducing such traits would be effective in curbing the prevalence of violence in premarital relationships. Personality management interventions include group forums, anger management exercises, decision-making skills, and personality identity exercises. Individuals with difficulties in anger management should undertake exercises aimed at enhancing their ability to control their temper. Given that anger leads to irrational decisions and unreasonable actions, the anger management exercises would aim to enable such individuals to control their reactions to annoying situations (Chutter, 2009). Avoidance of anger-inducing situations, for instance leaving the room to avoid a direct confrontation, is essential in preventing angry outbursts that could result to violence. In addition, self-regulation through conscious efforts prevents the devastating effects of anger, and abusive partners should be encouraged to practice such control. Group forums involve group-based discussions aimed at generating the views of different people on common issues, thus serving to demystify erroneous beliefs. Through group discussions and forums, solutions to common issues affecting relationships would be reached through debates, and the different views pertaining to such views identified and analyzed. Group forums are effective in correcting general ideas based on erroneous reasoning and mythical ideologies. In this case, group forums should dissuade the use of violence in relationships to solve conflicts, and should encourage the application of non-violent and mutually beneficial problem-solving strategies in resolving differences. Enhancement of communication Non-violent conflict resolution skills, communication skills, and problem-solving strategies should be taught to partners in premarital relationships to reduce their possibility of turning to violence to resolve conflicts (Chutter, 2009). Communication should be enhanced in premarital relationships to encourage partners to learn, understand, and appreciate the diversity of their interests and needs. Through effective communication, partners in a premarital relationship would avoid development of conflicts, resolving any conflicts reasonably without engaging in violence. Problem-solving and non-violent conflict resolution skills would also enhance the ability of adolescents to approach situations from different perspectives and to apply different measures in tackling interpersonal issues without the need for confrontations. Communication management through role-playing would ensure that each partner in a premarital relationship understands the perspective of the other partner, thus reducing selfishness and stereotypical judgments (Chutter, 2009). Through role-playing, the partners would enhance their communication skills and interpersonal relations and would be able to accommodate ideas based on different perspectives. In addition, adolescents engaging in premarital relationships should learn to listen attentively and empathically as a form of communicating, since this would reduce conflicts resulting from avoidable misunderstandings. Gender deconstruction Relationship experts and counselors should focus more of their programs on the male population due to the high number of men engaging in relationship violence (Chutter, 2009). More prevention and intervention measures developed to reduce incidences of violence should target men since studies have shown that they are more prone to using violence in relationships than women. Gender deconstruction aims to change peer norms that provide belittling ideas in relation to one’s gender (Chutter, 2009). In reducing conflicts and violence in premarital relationships, gender deconstruction exercises will aim to change the beliefs that women are inferior, and that violence should be condoned in relationships as a means of punishing wrongful acts. Deconstruction exercises should focus on exploring different ideologies held by each gender in relation to itself, and to the opposite gender. Groups should challenge demeaning and belittling beliefs that may encourage violence in relationships, and should seek to encourage embracement of diversity among the peers. In most societies, boys are considered superior by traditional beliefs and social constructs. Such thinking demeans the worth of girls and may promote violence in premarital relationships (Parrott & Zeichner, 2003). As such, through gender deconstruction exercises, the thinking that boys are superior will be challenged, and the idea of equality and diversity introduced for discussion. Community mobilization The community should participate in creating changes in popular beliefs regarding violence in relationships, and embrace positive relations that discourage the use of violence as a form of conflict resolution (Lee et al., 2007). Legislators should adopt social frameworks encouraging victims to report cases of violence to the authorities without fear of reprisal or revenge from the perpetrators. Similarly, individuals in the society should adopt ideologies that discourage the use of violence against their partners in premarital relationships, thus reducing such occurrences in the community. Community interventions should also seek to change social norms whose ideologies impede the avoidance of violence in premarital relationships. Beliefs in the society that encourage partners to use violence, or discourage victims from reporting violence to the authorities or the community should be challenged since such would hamper the efforts of the community to reduce violence (Chutter, 2009). Moreover, leaders in the community should encourage the formulation of policies that encourage violence prevention. To show commitment to the eradication of violence in relationships, decision-makers in the community should be role models. This, in turn, would encourage other members of the society to emulate them in supporting such policies. Conclusion Conflicts in relationships are differences in interests that result to verbal or physical confrontations. Violence is the intentional use of physical, emotional or psychological strategies to control the actions of the other partner in a relationship. In premarital relationships, violence is influenced by various factors such as cultural and societal beliefs, substance use and abuse and personality traits among others. Therapeutic interventions should aim to reduce the influence of such factors and to sensitize the community on the need for using non-violent strategies to resolve relationship conflicts. Violence in premarital relationships should be accorded the attention it deserves, given its negative impact on the physical, mental and emotional well-being of the victims. References Ayers, J., & Davies, S. (2011). Adolescent Dating and Intimate Relationship Violence: Issues and Implications for School Psychologists. School Psychology Forum, 5 (1), 1-12. Chutter, K. (2009). Healthy Relationships for Youth: A Youth Dating Violence Intervention. Relational Child & Youth Care Practice , 22 (4), 39-46. Herman, J. (2009). There's a Fine Line...Adolescent Dating Violence and Prevention. Pediatric Nursing , 35 (3), 164-170. Lee, D., Guy, L., Perry, B., & Mixson, S. (2007). Sexual Violence Prevention. Prevention Researcher , 14 (2), 14-20. Parrott, D., & Zeichner, A. (2003). Effects of Trait Anger and Negative Attitudes Towards Women on Physical Assault in Dating Relationships. Journal of Family Violence , 18 (5), 301-307. Protivnak, J., & McRoberts, J. (2011). Abusive Partner Relationships in Secondary Schools: Identification and Intervention Strategies for School Counsellors. Australian Journal of Guidance & Counselling , 21 (1), 49-59. Shook, N., Gerrity, D., Jurich, J., & Segrist, A. (2000). Courtship Violence Among College Students: A Comparison of Verbally and Physically Abusive Couples. Journal of Family Violence , 15 (1), 1-22. Read More