How To Help A Friend By Selwyn Hughes - Essay Example

Academic Review of How To Help A Friend By Selwyn Hughes In this book, Selwyn focuses on how to go about the counseling ministry. Whereas the author also adopts the psychological principles in counseling, it is important to note that the foundation of counseling in “How To Help A Friend,” is purely a Christian approach. The model that Hughes proposes is anchored on the teachings of the Bible on values and how to live a righteous life before the Lord God. It is a firm foundation of Christian living and Christian view of the contemporary world. Hughes offers a rich and varies way of helping friends, family and the church through a difficult situation through Christian approach to counseling (Hughes, 2000, p. 11). One may observe that by basing his model on Biblical principled and insights, Hughes simplifies the process of counseling. He focuses on importance of communication during the counseling process as a vital technique. Hughes also offers guidance particularly for young people in the church who face identity crisis such as the question of “who am I?” For Hughes, human behavior may be seen as a result of chance. On the effectiveness of the suggested counseling techniques in the context of a local church, and the suggested skills application in the Christian counseling process, Hughes model would apply as follows. In consideration of the uniqueness of Christian counseling, the context of a local church is better approached from the segment. There is the youth ministry, the church as a whole and the church leadership (Collins, 2007, p. 47). Hughes model would apply in totality for all the segments. The only difference would be the kind of approach and the issues at hand. The common ground in the technique is that the approach is rooted in the man’s relationship with God. In the context of a local church, the effectiveness of Hughes suggested techniques could best be applied in the context of socialization of the young, regulation of sexual behavior, economic responsibility and developing spiritual potential amongst others. The target is not only problem solving, but also counseling the soul with guidance of the spirit of the Lord. In specific context, using Hughes perspectives, a Christian counselor should facilitate an effective counseling through attending, loving, listening, polite digging for information, responding and terminating the sessions. To begin with, once Christian counselor has identified a situation and intervened, the counselor is advised to give the counselee an undivided attention. This is achieved in the form of giving the counselee a good eye contact. Their posture and body language should communicate that the counselor is at ease with the counselee. This is the foundation of the counseling and it sets grounds for the rest of the sessions (Collins, 2007, p. 89). A Christian counselor must also approach the counseling with unconditional love irrespective of the situation. Hughes approach to counseling with love is based on Jesus teaching on the need not to judge others (John 8:1-11) and expression of genuine love for others (as demonstrated in Luke 7: 36-50). This way, a Christian counselor should approach all the counselees with the love of God that Jesus emphasized in his teachings. Hughes technique of approaching counseling with love may also be seen to be drawn to be anchored on Jesus teaching that we love one another just as he has loved us. He said, “This is my commandment that you love one another (John 15:12-17).” The effectiveness of this approach is that it allows a Christian counselor to identify the feelings that a member of the local church may be experiencing. The subject could be experiencing anger, setbacks or frustrations. When the counselor reflects back such feelings to the subject, this is likely to create a feeling of being understood and cared for within their unique situations with love. It helps one to open up. When dealing for instance with a problem affecting a young person in the church, it is crucial to demonstrate such concern, care and love so that they individual will open up, understanding that the counselor understands him/her as an individual. Besides, effective Christian counseling is not all about the counselor carrying out the session all the time. It is vital that individual being counseled is made part of the process. This is best achieved by allowing oneself to listen to the counselee, usually without interrupting. One can note down issues in a summary form for later follow up once the counselee has been given a chance to speak out freely. It is important to note that listening is an encouragement for one to continue expressing themselves out. It is also important to note that Christian counseling presupposes that counselors have an understanding, knowledge as well as experience of Christianity. Owing to this, a counselor at a local church should strive to reinforce and encourage the individual with motivational scripts from the Bible to weight down the highly emotional parts of the confession or revelations. One should also note that sometimes they might not agree with all or some of the revelations that they hear from the counselee. Even so, it is important to exercise the virtues of love as demonstrated by Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Therefore, counseling a local church would require one to set aside his/her personal biases and conflicts. The most important way, however, is not to judge and approach the situation with compassion. The advantage is that counseling at a local church is made one level easy by the fact that the counselor and the counselee tend not to be strangers. Even so, counseling an acquaintance may be tricky in the sense that the friendliness may overshadow the seriousness of the process. The technique, therefore, is to learn to treat the two as completely different entities yet appreciate their connectedness, which helps with ice breaking (Collins, 2007, p. 59). As Hughes observes in his model, counseling in the context of a local church would also require the counselor to avoid expressions of disapproval or judgment. The counselor should be keen to aspects of communication such as tone, facial expression, and other non-verbal cues. It is crucial for Christian counselors to keep in mind that even when they may be counseling fellow Christians at a local church, it is not always a guarantee that everyone would be ready to practice Christianity values. Each situation in a local church may come with different challenges, but the basis of the counseling should be that there is a divine solution. Such is the role of feelings in the process of counseling. There should be flexibility to put oneself in the situation of the counselee and preempt what they could be going through. While digging for more information, the process should be guided by the understanding that some additional information that will be critical to solving the problem have been left out. It could also be used to verify consistency. This approach would require caution and the use of right language to seek out more information. This is particularly so, as the individual may avoid information he/she regards as shameful, secret or sensitive. This is where trust has to be developed. The counselor would achieve this by leading the individual through prompts like “what happened after that?”, “please tell me what you mean by this” and other techniques. When questioning for clarifications, Hughes encourages a style that would result in open-ended answers as they make the counselee free to express the situation. It is the duty of the Christian counselor to filter the information gathered and identify the pertinent issues. After that, the Christian counselor should strike a balance between spiritual and psychological aspects. It is important to respond from the perspective of Bible teaching about Christian living (1 Thessalonians 5:14). The effectiveness of the approach would best be seen through supporting and confronting the deviations at the same time. They counselor should also inform the counselee based on Bible teachings. The emphasis, as Hughes demonstrates, would be on behavior change and invoking God into all situations. Even so, there may be practical cases of counselees who have tried some of the methods like prayers and may be on the defensive when a counselor proposes prayers as part of the solution. While it is true that prayers work miracles, it is also important to realize that God works in his unique ways. God’s appointed time may not coincide with human desires for an answer. Such are critical issues that may be difficult to tackle. Consequently, a counselor should just motivate the individual that God is faithful if we believe in Him, and for them that believe in Him, He gives them the power to become the children of God. In conclusion, one may observe that whereas Hughes techniques may target Christian and the church, the same techniques may also apply beyond the realm of Christianity. Some values are universally shared such as love, understanding and patience. While these will come in handy to address various situations in a local church, they are also powerful enough to salvage other cases. Christian counseling, as Hughes puts it, is concerned about both psychological and spiritual well-being of an individual. The goal of Christian counseling is to remove individuals from self-centeredness to divine solutions (Adams, 1986, p. 115). Most importantly, local churches should be careful to use counselors who have a spiritual direction. One should also note that in the aftermath of Hughes Christian counseling, there has been professionalization of the practice so that there are institutions offering training on Christian counseling. Hughes work in Christian counseling pioneered a now vibrant approach to counseling from a Christian worldview. Bibliography Adams. J.E., 1986. Christian Counselor's Manual. Zondervan: Grand Rapids, MI. Collins, G.R., 2007. Christian Counseling. 3rd Edition. Nashville: Thomas Nelson. Hughes, S., 2000. How to Help a Friend. Eastbourne: Kingsway Publications. Read More