Family Integration Reflection - Essay Example

Ministry Integration Project Ministry Integration Project This project is going to focus on the experience of close relatives of clergymen or religious men in the seminary. It is going to cover also major lessons that an individual may learn from interviewing an influential person. Finally, it will cover the strategy that a person in the seminary may put in place to overcome temptations that may come his way as well as the lessons that can be learnt from the life of the clergymen. The major issues are divided as shown below; i) Family integration reflection ii) Family member or friend interview iii) Spiritual Formation reflection Family integration reflection The challenges of being married to a graduate clergy spouse are numerous and quite interesting at the same time. Similarly, the experience of the graduate clergy education presents challenges and benefits for the nonstudent spouse1. They explain that these challenges extend beyond the classroom to also include social and economic issues, as well as academics. According Calian, "Seminary is graduate education that focuses on the theological, pastoral, and practical training of pastors and clergy2. It may take relatively long depending on the program one is undertaking. During this time, many couples find increased stressors and is also a period when non-students spouses feel left behind relationally, socially and vocationally3. Also, being married to a clergy graduate spouse would mean having to go some personal ambitions and desires of life and support ones partner in the ministry. According to the research that was done on the loneliness that most wives to clergy husbands face, seven of them confessed to having at one point felt guarded which in turn leads to loneliness4. These are real challenges that whoever is planning on joining a relationship with such seminary/theological graduates have to brace themselves to deal with. It is also clear that it may be worse, problem being that such people never confess/admit openly to such problems lest they are seen to be weak leaders. For this matter, they keep to themselves most of the time just referring to their spouse for consolation. The question is, what if the spouse is the problem? According to journal on "Care For Pastors, Learning From Clergy And their Spouses, by Alicia M. Root, Nicole Gilbert, and Adeline Yap, 2005, they advise that the seminary should acknowledge that a problem exist and appropriate strategies put in place to take care of the same5. They also encourage that psychologists should put in place measures to make it friendly for pastors to seek their services without having to go through the queuing process other clients go through if at all they are to help sort this problem out. With the arguments, it is abundantly evident that family integration in such situations might not be a very good idea. It is sometimes necessary that it is not the same person who for example, plays the role of a homemaker to be the one to teach the kids issues to do with sexuality or even pretend to be playing the role of a psychology on them. It is necessary that some roles are better left to the professionals and that sometimes, being taught by a different person is better than the same person for everything despite his knowledge. For this reasons, pastors should allow themselves to seek professional help instead of relying on their spouses for everything and also on the other hand, allow in their churches teachings to be tailored according to specific groups. From the listed books, it is evident that one thing that is important as a virtue to be learned by people willing to join such relationship is that, trust is very important for relationships. It is also necessary to believe in prayers as most pastors interviewed in previous researches confessed to praying and seeing results. Perfectionism should also not be the best trait to embrace by pastors. While it is important to be living by the book and being the best one can be, still clergymen and their spouses need to acknowledge that they are still human and at one point in life, they are going to make mistake or require the help of another person. Members of the community need not to judge pastors harshly or to put unrealistic hopes in them. They are still humans, and such happenings only cause stigma to them. Family Member or Friend Interview From the interview I had with my close friend, I realized that I had so much desirable character traits that I didnt even know before. Some of the strengths I possess are the ability to speak and influence people. Im blessed with convincing power something that I know for a fact will help me in my seminary and ministry practice. I also have the ability to endure hard situations that life throws at me. For this reason, I may be able to persevere the tempting situations of different churches. Spiritually, Im also gifted with a clear mastery of the Bible. This I think is a trait that will not only be needed at the seminary but also in the ministry itself. For me, these gifts I believe can be cultivated much better by sharing with other people, discussing with peers or seniors. This helps to build one spiritually. On the other hand, I have numerous weaknesses like; perfectionism, impatience, shyness and many more. Though they can pull someone down, I have learned to always do best I can and leave the rest to God. Prayer is the best tool to fight this. Being crowd shy is quite discouraging especially since one cant minister to people when shy. I also use a Bible as the best consolation and reference book. This is what keeps my relationship with God tight as it is. It has everything I need for spiritual life. If only people could stick to the Bible word by word, there wont be a need for constitutions. This gift has improved my relationship with people in the church as most people find me a reliable source to consult on many issues. Spiritual Formation reflection For one to be experienced all round, its desirable to go out and find out how people think and view some of the facts affecting them so as to know how to handle them in the future. Also, its important to start practicing how to overcome temptations that may compromise faith as this remains my worst fear. A fear that builds up from the bad influence one might have from friends even at the seminary. Before marriage, I plan on listening to people more and dedicating my time to helping them. This is I believe should be done before marriage commitment creeps in. Finally, as has been said above, I plan on practicing public speech with my peers while at the station as a way of overcoming shyness. I also plan on making frequent regular visits to the community and give back to them before getting married as it the only time when I may get the opportunity to learn from them and empathize before marriage obligations set in. Last but not least, all these cannot succeed without prayers and therefore prayers and guidance from seniors are the way I plan to overcome temptations. Bibliography Davis, Jama. Alone in a Crowd: A Phenomenological Inquiry into Loneliness as Experienced by Pastors Wives. Liberty University,, 2007. Forrest, Benjamin K. Exploring the Spiritually Formative Experiences of Seminary Spouses: A Phenomenological Inquiry. Liberty University, 2013. Kendall, J. W., and D. Brady. "Matters of the Heart: A program supporting medical Marriages for residents at an academic medical center." Journal of Workplace Behavioral Health 24 (2009): 320–325. Legako, M. A., and R. L. Sorenson. "Christian psychology graduate schools impact on Marriage: Nonstudent spouses speak." Journal of Psychology & Theology 28, no. 3 (2000): 212–220. McMinn, Mark, R. R., Lish Allen, D. Trice Pamela, M. Root Alicia, Gilbert, Nicole, and Yap. Adelene. "Care for Pastors: Learning from Clergy and Their Spouses." Pastoral Psychology 53, no. 3 (2005): 563-581. Read More