Reasons For Divorce - Research Paper Example

? Reasons for Divorce Reasons for Divorce Listening to court proceeding would lead to good opportunity of listening to domestic cases. In a packed court hall, a man and a woman would stand in the docket to denounce the marriage that took place between them sometimes back. The two couples would give their opinions about their decisions to the separate way. In many instances, children are left to feel the brunt of the decision made by their parents. Violence in marriages has contributed to divorce cases that a person may come across in the court halls. Sometimes an individual may not wish to walk out of a relationship, but circumstances would force the inevitable movement. Religious people have their view to divorce and reasons that would lead an individual to resort to divorce. Societal norms provide guideline that help people to chat their ways into marriage. Divorce refers to separation of couples who were in marriage. Divorce is a choice that would lead to breaking of marriage. Sociologists argue that factors that lead to divorce are both voluntary and involuntary. Social issues have taken a different trend exposing many marriages to divorce or separations. It is not strange to hear or see couples who sign a marriage contract for a year or two. Freedom to choose what is right and what is wrong has an influence to the marriage life. Couples who feel that marriage is no longer enjoyable would resort to divorce in order to break the chains of marriage that bungled them into the marriage relationship (Dnes & Rowthorn, 2002). Family therapist and psychologist have different arguments regarding reasons that would expose a person to seek divorce. Sociologists argue that life in marriage ceases to be free when the partners fail to understand the needs of each other. Partners have the duty of listening to the feelings of each other and making an informed opinion on the best course to take regarding the feelings. This paper shows that the most common reasons for divorce are lack of sexual intimacy, boredom and changes in couples’ development or environment. Sex is a vital element in marriage. Couples wish consummate their love in marriage. When couples fail to get sexual satisfaction, happiness in marriage ceases. Studies show that couples would go as far as fighting in marriage in order to meet their sexual needs (Waehler, 1996). Some couples have gone a head to file suits in court to deliberate on their sexual life. Some couples have sued their partners due to sexual harassment or assault in marriage. These issues point out how important sex is in marriage. Some couples would prefer divorce when sex life fails in marriage. Some people argue that it is pointless to come into marriage when sex is a question. Family therapists have their reasons why some couples feel afraid of sex or lose their appetite for sex. Marriage would hold when it has a healthy sex life. It is the duty of the couples to share their sex problems in order to avoid divorce. Emotional abuse in marriage is a common problem that couples face in marriage. Human emotions change with environmental changes. Women emotional changes occur with their monthly calendars. Couples who feel that their partners abuse their emotions would be reluctant to live together. Such couples find divorce as an option that would relieve them out of abusive marriage. Many couples who are in abusive marriage have every reason to site against divorce. Abusive marriage would violet the rights of the couples through the unfair treatment, beating and sometimes death. The cost of leading a life in abusive marriage has prompted many couples to sought divorce. Divorce provides freedom of choice and human right. A sample research conducted on divorcees indicated that some people divorce because they have been compelled by the behavior of their partners. Boredom in marriage creates a feeling of misplacement in the society. Many people who suffer boredom indicate that they are obsessed by the nature of events that they witness in their lives. While reacting to the question what lead to boredom, one divorcee indicated that change of expectation in marriage life would lead to boredom. When people get into marriage, no one knows what the future has in store for the marriage. A time comes when the couples cannot sing the same tune in marriage. In such instances, boredom crops and set its foot in marriage. Boredom is a prison of the mind and would lead to stress when not controlled. Couples sight issues such as change of behavior of the couples as factors that contribute to boredom (Karney & Crown, 2007). The feeling towards the marriage partner is very important in holding the marriage life together. When one marriage partner has lost the interest in marriage, then that marriage has to crumple. Divorce would bring to a halt the boring lifestyle in marriage. Marriage conflict often influences the decision that a married couple would take towards sustaining the marriage life. Marriage conflict is one of the reasons why many couples divorce today. Some conflicts begin as simple issues that would be solved if the couples had the interest, while others are intricate. Both complex and simple marriage conflict may lead to divorce. Some couples argue too much in marriage leading to quarrels. Arguments in marriage are a show of misconception between the married partners. Conflict resolution in marriage is very important since it would build the broken bonds in marriage and rejuvenate the marriage life (Paul, 2002). The inability of the marriage to solve its conflict exposes couples to divorce. Family therapist argues that maturity of a person would contribute to the person’s ability in resolving conflict. The use of baby methods in settling problems would worsen a conflict that exists in marriage. An agile mind and a keen ear would give room for dialogue and compromise. To some extent is true to mention that, man and a woman are two different beings, which exhibit different attributes thus compromise in marriage would hold them together. This notion is very important in guiding couples towards making choices in marriage. Differences in personal and career goals contribute to divorce. Some people devout much time in their careers without considering the effect it has on the family life. Career is good since it provides a means of survival, but a married couple must balance between work and family life. Families that divorce due to personal career needs argue that couples spend little or no time with their partners leading to boredom in marriage life (Egan, 2006). Marriage means sharing both good and bad together. Men should learn to understand their wives and women should learn how to submit to the needs of their husbands. This argument does not provide an opportunity for the marriage partners to hang on the fence but calls for a mutual relationship that should exist among the partners. The loneliness that a couple would feel when waiting for his partner who will arrive home at mid night in the name of job would crumple the relationship in marriage. Largely, marriage has nothing to do with career life. Marriage is a social institution where nursing of human feelings occur. It would be very difficult for a couple to remain in marriage where no one is ready to nurse the human feelings. Soothing of the mind and the soul lies on the words that a person utters to the other. Couples who take jobs, which require much of their time often, find it difficult to raise a family. Communication between spouses in marriage is very important. When a spouse feels like expressing an issue in marriage, she or he has to communicate to the partner. In an event where communication between spouses is, not possible divorce would come as a solution to the spouses’ woe. Communication cements the relationship between the couples (Shlain, 2004). Ironing out complex issues in marriage is possible when communication links in marriage are operable. Situations, which lead to communication breakdown in marriage, would pave way for divorce. Couples must identify the best communication channel that would promote their interests. Couples who live in different locations must ensure that their communication links are accessible in order to promote the understanding that exists between them. A partner should portray courtesy and other communication habits that promote good relationship. Partners who use poor language to pass their information would brood quarrel and eventual exit from marriage. Research indicates that communication breakdown in marriage is a source of marriage problems (Matthews, 1989). For instance, a man who returns late in his house may refuse to speak to his wife resulting into a communication breakdown. When such instances continue in marriage without corrections and apology the wife may file a suite, which would lead to divorce. Some sources claim that communication can heal a marriage that is heading towards conflict. Couples should always seek means, which would to comprise in marriage. Some people like walking out of marriage due to number reasons, which include financial constraint, work and use of drugs. When a person abandons his family, the marital ties between the couples cease. For instance, a man who leaves his country to seek asylum in another country has lost control over his family due the prevailing conditions of his life. The wife may resort to divorce as an option, which would relieve her from the chains of the abandoned marriage. Some marriages break without being handled in court. Divorcees who abandon their families argue that it is the best way to walk out of marriage that has failed to meets it aims. It is sickening to note that an individual would resort to abandon his family without considering the lives of the family members. Children face the most difficult time when one of the parents decides to walk out of marriage. People who abuse drugs may face problems in the families that would lead to divorce. Some drug addicts forget the role they have in their families. Sometimes abusing of drugs may result into dysfunction. When a partner fails to raise the sexual appetite, sexual satisfaction of that marriage would be threatened. The role of sex validates the legality of the marriage. Substance abuse also leads to conflict and destruction of property or lose of job in some extreme cases. The effects of drug abuse may hit the family hard when separation and divorce comes as an option that would solve the problem. Different expectation about household tasks is a challenge that some family members must resolve. Agreement about who should perform this chore and should perform the other house chore brings misunderstanding to many couples. During courtship, a partner may not be aware about the task a head. Some partners find it difficult to perform the house chores alone. When a partner has this problem, comprise in handling this issue would help to bring a solution to this problem. When the partners are unable to agree, the bad would grow to the worst and divorce would act as a solution to the problem. Expecting too much from a partner is also an issue in marriage. Some partners put a lot of expectation to the other partner ruling out the fact the other partner is also a human being. Source of finance to the marriage is also a factor that would lead to divorce. What the family eats wears shelter and among others depends on the financial status of the partners. A family that leads a thrifty life may fail to hold when the financial ability of the family drops. Some couples feel that they cannot stand the worst of their times when finance of the family drops. Adapting to the new financial climate is sometimes very hard for many. Genuine relationship should be able to withstand financial inabilities and capabilities of the marriage. According to Patzer (2008), partners who love money are not able to withstand life without money. Some argue that it would be better to walk out marriage when finance that supported the relationship fails. Infidelity is a serious reason that promotes divorce. The nature of human being promotes egocentrism. It is normal for a person to think about herself or himself. In marriage relationship partners feel that sexual intimacy should be sacred and a reserve for the couples alone. According to Hendrickx & Shore (2008), any instance that exposes the matrimonial rights to other people would brood conflicts in marriage. A woman does not feel happy when his man goes out of the marriage bed to look for another woman. The men on the other hand, feel that their wives should preserve their bodies for their husband. Couples who walk out of these simple rules break the marriage covenant. Sometimes divorce is the only solution that could solve infidelity in marriage. The legal system provides a room for divorce on the account of infidelity in marriage. Many cases of infidelity in the society have contributed to divorce in many marriages. Research indicates that couples use modern technology in tracking the movements of their partners. The use of modern technology in communication is a threat to many relationships, which fear accountability and transparency. When a partner loses his trust in a relationship, divorce or separation would be the next option. Some people fear to be in a relationship where infidelity forms the ingredients. Infidelity is like backbiting of the partner in relationship. Cases of infidelity in relationships have often led to worst reactions by partners who cannot watch matters go out of control (Cassell, 2007). Research indicates that some partners have gone as far as burning victims of infidelity in relationship as a show of their distrust to the relationship. Family therapist indicates that 50 percent of issues they handle about marriage result from infidelity. Another research also indicates that 90 percent of couples who divorce for the first time have involved in infidelity. These figures are stunning since infidelity would crumple a happy relationship. Emotional intimacy has a little contribution to divorce. Studies conducted in 1970s indicated that 70 percent of men and 40 percent of women had affairs outside their marriages. The manner in which men treat information about intimacy in marriage is quite different from women. Family therapists agree that both reactions would eventually lead to divorce. Marriage that takes place between teenage partners is likely to end up in divorce. Research indicates that teenage life is full of exploration and adventures. Couples who discover themselves after settling would feel obsessed by the nature of life that they lead in marriage. Sometimes they argue that it is contrary to the expectation they had. Observation done on marriages that end up in divorce indicates that people who cohabit may end up divorcing. Family therapist indicates that the reason behind this action is due change of feeling and boredom. Marriage life would affected by the criminal activities of an individual. When couples discover that their partners have engaged in criminal acts, the love that exists between them is affected. Some couples feel that their partners have betrayed them, and would not live up with the new changes. It is quite hard to lead a life with a criminal. The evaluation of the risk involve when leading a life with a criminal would necessitate separation or divorce. Some cultural demands may lead to divorce. When a partner evaluates cultural demands, marriage life would cease to be free. Some cultures demand a lot from a woman or a man. Practicing of these cultures would create conflict in the marriage leading to divorce. A couple who come from one tradition may not be willing to compromise the new traditional believes that he meets when he joins the next culture. Such misunderstanding would be an impediment to a healthy marriage. Culture and tradition should have a limit beyond which it should not pass. Each individual has a reach culture, but marriage would last when cultural differences are set aside. In conclusion, divorce refers to the separation that occurs when married couples decide to stop their relationship. Many couples site boredom in marriage life as a factor that contributes to divorce. Failing to meet the expectation in marriage would contribute to boredom and eventual divorce. Sexual intimacy plays a key role in holding a marriage together. The research indicates that many marriage partners would seek divorce when their sexual needs are not met. Work environment and other related factors contribute to divorce. References Dnes, A. & Rowthorn, R. (2002). The law and economics of marriage and divorce. Port Chester, NY: Cambridge University Press. Karney, B. R. & Crown, J. S. (2007). Families under stress: AN assessment of data, theory, and research on marriage and divorce in the military. Santa Monica, CA: Rand Corporation. Patzer, G. (2008). Looks: Why They Matter More Than You Ever Imagined. Saranac Lake, NY. Amacom Book. Shlain, L. (2004). Sex, Time and Power: How Women’s Sexuality Shaped human Evolution. East Ruthorford, NJ: Penguin Putnam. Cassell, C. (2007). Put Passion First: Why Sexual Chemistry is the Key to Finding and Keeping Lasting love. Blacklick, OH: McGraw-Hill Professional Publishing. Hendrickx, S. & Shore, S. (2008). Love, Sex and Long-Term Relationships: What people with Asperger Sydrome Really Really Want. London,GBR: Jessica Kingsley Publishers Egan, D. (2006). Dancing for Dollars and Paying for Love: The Relationship between exotic dancers and their regulars. Gordansville, VA. Palgrave: Macmillian. Paul, P. (2002). Starter marriage and the Future of Matrimony. Westminister, MD: Random House Adult Trade Group. Waehler, C. A. (1996). Bachelors: The Psychology of Men Who Haven’t Married. Westport: Greenwood Press Matthews, G. (1989). Just a Housewife: The rise and fall of domesticity in America, Cary, NC: Oxford University Press Read More