Communication Between Married Couples and Divorce - Research Paper Example

?Divorce Communication between married couples assists them in discovering solutions to the various problems they encounter in their relationship. Communication also enables them to understand the patterns in marriage and avoid divorce when it is most likely to occur (Amos 32). Communication enables couples to confirm whether the assumption that longer life spans lead to longer marriages is true. This is because they live together for a long period of time and get to experiment on the issue. Communication in marriages helps to reduce the high rates of conflict between couples that eventually lead to divorce. Communication also helps to fosters love among couples and reduces the chances of divorce occurring. The problems that most couples have are usually ignored and rarely discussed in the relationship. Communication enables the parties to overcome similar problems in the future and helps in improving a relationship. The lack of adequate communication results in men ending the relationships with their spouses. Communication results in fights aiming to keep a marriage or the departure of a partner. This paper tries to answer the question; does the issue of maturity among the partners play a role in initiating a divorce? The candidates interviewed are a male and a female who have experience on the issue. Communication enables couples to prevent any of the partner’s self esteem from getting hurt in a relationship. It helps in eliminating the effects of fighting, quarrelling and belittling of one’s spouse in a marriage (Amos 43). Women are usually very verbal and can sometimes use words to hurt their spouses. This type of abuse can have lasting effects on a marriage and can be a major cause for divorce (Stewart and Brentano 89). Proper communication methods should be adopted to counter such habits in the relationship. Men are adversely affected by the criticisms from their spouses. This leads to their eventual withdrawal from the relationship due to poor communication between the couples (Amos 63). This withdrawal from the relationship will most likely make the woman more critical of her man due to inappropriate communication. This results from the inability of the man to express himself eloquently, which signifies the start of most problems. Communication among couples plays a vital role in resolving the problems that bring marital conflicts (Stewart and Brentano 164). Economic strain leads to the collapse of many families as both parties have to deal with money (Amos 42). Where there is an insufficient amount of cash to meet their collective needs a divorce is likely to occur. Thus communication becomes very important in resolving these issues in a relationship or in a marriage (Amos 75). Communication enables a couple to ascertain the arguments behind the ending of a relationship. According to the interview, the major reason for the occurrence of a divorce in marriage is the lack of proper communication skills. After getting married for several years many couples are eventually unable to communicate or stop communicating altogether. This leads to a divorce in most cases since the issues affecting them are not brought to light (Amos 95). Communication among partners that results in bad interactions ends up bringing arguments and men greatly avoid this situation. These arguments eventually result in communication breakdowns in marriages and relationships. The couple should learn and adopt the use of efficient communication methods to counter their problems. Communicating with both parties during the interview enabled the realization that the highest rates of divorce happen after a period of four to seven years into marriage. These rates then drop drastically after the expiry of the period. Divorce rates remain fairly low until after about seventeen years of marriage. This occurs as a result of increased communication between the partners (Stewart and Brentano 165). It happens since the couples stay together until their children are able to leave the household. During this period they do not have anyone else to talk to and communications begin soon. Communication carried out during the interview enabled me to establish that women are more likely to institute divorce proceedings. They usually opt to take their men to marriage counseling therapies though their men are very reluctant to get appropriate assistance through communication (Amos 78). The interview helped reveal the fact that many marriages are normally beyond repair by the time the partners seek professional advice. During the interview, I made the discovery that communicating with experts on the problems a couple experiences results in longer and more stable relationships. The interview was important in helping me to ascertain whether maturity of the partners is a factor influencing divorce among married couples. After conducting the interview the establishment of whether inadequate communication ends a relationship became clearer. Communication with both parties enabled the establishment of the divorce rates among married couples. It also enabled the discovery that those who get married at 19 years and below have very high rates of divorce and account for 90-95% of the cases. The discovery that the youngest age for divorce among men is usually 27 years and 24 years for women occurred as a result of this communication (Gola 68). Communication during the interview also provided the vital information concerning those who get married past this age. The interview suggests that these couples have higher chances of divorce occurring among them. Communication with the couple enabled the discovery that a man is more likely to divorce a woman who is having an affair than a woman is likely to instigate one. Women are more easily threatened by emotional affairs than sexual ones (Gola 78). Men who feel they are overly being criticized by their mates are more likely to initiate divorces. This results from their inability to express themselves efficiently. According to the interview there is a communication difficulty among couples mostly because there is nothing to talk about (Stewart and Brentano 137). The use of improper communication skills leads to the use of abusive language in marriages and relationships. The inability of some men to express themselves leads to their use of violence and intimidation as opposed to verbal communication. Physical abuses for example fighting, bullying and verbal insults can have a long lasting negative effect on a marriage and should be resolved through communication. Marriages cannot sometimes be repaired despite the partners improving on their communication skills. According to the interview, males are more likely to use physical force when in a dating relationship. An imbalance of power and control occurs in abusive relationships where there is no effective communication (Stewart and Brentano 221). The interview suggests that males want to have the overt power to control things within the relationship. It also suggests that a woman cannot satisfy a man’s urge to gain more control in the relationship. According to the interview, man has a very narcissistic orientation towards power though has a breakdown in communication. Communication enables a couple to ascertain the effects of sexual withdrawal for the man or a woman in a relationship (Stewart and Brentano 252). The interview also suggests that the withdrawal of a woman from the bedroom will result in infidelity on the man’s part in the marriage. The interview also enabled the determination of the conditions that are appropriate for a relationship to succeed. It suggested that the withdrawal of woman from a relationship results from her dissatisfaction (Amos 63). Communication during the interview helped me to determine whether the different ways men and women want to raise their children results in conflicts causing divorce. According to the interview, conflicts could result from one of the partners playing a passive role or a judicious one as concerns the rearing of the child. Both parties should communicate effectively to reach a common ground. The bearing of children in a family strains every aspect of a relationship within the family. Once these patterns are not resolved through appropriate communication then major conflicts could arise in a relationship (Amos 163). The interview suggests that communication problems cause a lot of roots that are bitter within the marriage. It also helps to ascertain the various professional ways in which the couple can get help before a divorce occurs. When there are high chances of conflicts occurring in a relationship, the couples should avoid criticizing one another and defending themselves. According to the interview they should also try and eliminate any acts of contempt or stonewalling through efficient communication methods (Gola 197). In conclusion, marriage partners should seek professional counseling before marriage. The preparation and enrichment inventory method is an appropriate method that can be used and is completed online (Amos 233). This method assesses the efficiency of communication among other issues in a relationship. The ordering of the questions in this fashion enabled the obtaining of information through communicating. The man disclosed why they chose to divorce their spouses along with their reasons. The lack of communication makes many men opt for a divorce according to the interview. Finally, the interview enabled the discovery that frustrations and resentments affect the men greatly before they wind up a relationship. References Amos, J. (2008). Divorce. London: Cherry Tree Books. Clarke-Stewart, A., and Brentano, C. (2007), Divorce, Causes and Consequences. Yale: Yale University Press. Gola, S. (2003). Divorce, God’s will. New York: Trafford Publishing. Annotated Bibliographies Amos, J. (2008). Divorce. London: Cherry Tree Books. This book contains a collection of imaginary letters and many stories that contain information which will be useful for children who are affected by separation. The author tries to comfort children and also incorporates some advice from the older members of the society. He discusses the concerns, responses and suggestions of the children on the issue of divorce. He also considers the effects of step families on these children along with the problems of hospitalization. The author additionally offers advice that is practicable to victims of divorce. Clarke-Stewart, A and Brentano, C. (2007). Divorce, Causes and Consequences. Yale: Yale University Press. The authors have done a comprehensive research on divorce, it causes and consequences. They also explain to the reader about the available evidence that can support what is already known of the act. They examine the impacts of divorce on the community, the children along with adults. They integrate the most current information concerning the issue of divorce from different disciplinary views. They also analyze thoughtfully the issues of psychology that are involved. They give real life examples from the young generations along with guidelines that assist in reducing the effects of the act. Gola, S. (2003). Divorce, God’s will. New York: Trafford Publishing. The author suggests that God wants to teach him on the issue of divorce. He describes the religious feelings people who have experienced divorce have. He gives spiritual guidance and teachings concerning the occurrence of divorce in society along with its effects on society and the concerned individuals. The author describes the causes of divorce and describes how it can be avoided if people follow the scriptures. He explains that divorce is not God’s will since man was created to live in love with the world. Read More