How to Help Children Cope with Divorce - Term Paper Example

How to help children cope with divorce: Divorce in the simplest form implies the separation of spouses either out of consent or because of compelled reasons. In any case, the aftermath of divorce is not easy and involves a lot of stress to the parties involved (spouses), as well as to third parties, who in most cases are children. Parents may have different feelings altogether for if they were ready for the divorce, then it would not adversely affect them as it would for the children. Children go through quite stressing moments due to the eventual happenings over short duration of time. The anxiety that rock on the children explain the causes of high stress levels after they suffer emotional, mental/psychological and even physical torture. Immediate indicators of effects of a divorce would be high rates of temperament, poor academic performance, higher rates of stress and at the extreme cases, involvement into lewd behaviors such as drugs and substance abuse. However, despite the sufferings that children suffer in the event of a divorce, an obvious thing is that children need to be guided through the situation (Carroll, 1-2). In most instances, children have many questions and in such a position, they require parental guidance in understanding what they are going through. There are therefore basic frameworks that work to help children navigate through the situation. However, the most efficient manner of handling the situation is through addressing the case with distinction in age factor as the children may suffer differently because of age difference (Schwartz, 1-5). Generally, the most efficient basic way to help children sail through the stressful moment of a divorce is by engaging them to talk about the divorce. In talking, one is required to address the many questions that the children may be having concerning the divorce. Children often have many questions as to what the cause of divorce would have been?, what role did they play in the divorce?, how life would be without one parent?, will there be any chance for reunion between the parents?, who would be providing for their basic needs?, among others. Withholding any information may greatly affect the children as they try to seek for the answers to the questions on their own. One is required to confirm to the children that they are in no way to blame for the divorce and that it is the fault of their parents. This eases the tension and anxiety that is developed within the children in figuring out the exact role that they played in causing the divorce. It is also good to prepare them psychologically through telling them that divorce is final and as such avoid the anxiety that may build up in the course of their upbringing expecting the reunion of parents (Joubert and Guy, 10-20). Engaging children in discussions about the divorce are basic immediate responsive reactions that helps ease the pressure that builds up within them in the short run after the divorce. However, the later time effect of the divorce within the children requires that a long run framework be adopted to address the issues liable to cropping up. It is therefore necessary that one adopt some other long-term measures that would be instrumental in addressing the issue to them. Basic among other mechanisms for this long term prompting is by making the children feel very comfortable at home; a caring home makes them never regret any past moment that could have been while the divorce had not taken place. Restoring stability the soonest possible after a divorce is an effective tool too for ascertaining the psychological as well as physical comfort of kids. Psychological effect of a divorce may prompt children to be on the wrong frequently and this requires that the parent or the guardian be patient with them as a sign of love. This is mainly because they may not be expecting such news and the shock associated with it might be hard to eliminate. Finally, it is also necessary that the guardian or parent takes responsibility of the situation and seeks the necessary help from peers or professional in order to successfully address the issue. The events that lead to divorce and the aftermath of a divorce may never be reconstructed. Divorce may have permanent effects to the children despite the many efforts that might be sought to bring the children back to a normal life. The proceedings leading to a divorce would be engaged to seek for other probable mechanisms to address the grievance at the cost of signing into a divorce, which would ultimately have greater repercussions. By treating the divorced partner with respect, children feel a sense of respect and this equally boosts the process of healing. This is mainly because children feel associated to their parents and as such, anything directed to them is indirectly directed to the children. Furthermore, in the event of remarrying and dating new spouse, it is necessary to help the children understand that it is normal and make them, feel part of the affair. In the occurrence of such circumstances, children might hate the entire issue of marriage and as such would try their best not to be victims of the same in the future. In this case, educating them on the issue of remarrying would help them feel the vacuum that existed in the absence of their parent refilled and through this healing would be. It is also necessary that you allow the children appreciate their parent (divorced) in absence through having photos and gift cards. It is also okay to have the children visit their divorced parent at will and never threaten the relationship that would be between the parties, as this would adversely affect the healing process (Velardo 32-35; Cohen 1021-1022). In other instances, co-parenting after divorce may be an option. In the event that divorced parents are in an arrangement to bring up the children together though in divorced state, children may suffer the more emotionally especially in the event they be too young to understand. This therefore calls for both the parents to take up the role and help the children overcome the psychological effects that they may suffer in the process. Best practices would be fully providing the required support for the upkeep of the child, keeping the prior routine as parenting may necessitate, helping the kid appreciate and spend time with the nonresidential parent and collaboratively allowing the separation process be as normal as possible. Proper communication between the parted parents and avoiding putting children in between the conflict would be very instrumental in helping the children overcome the stress resultant from the divorce. In the event of extremities in the issues surrounding the divorce, then seeking legal assistance would be instrumental in assuring the children of their rightful place and security (Bailey, 2-3). Conclusion Divorce has been a common occurrence in the recent past a it not only affects the parties involved (parents), but also the children. Due to their experience and understanding of the situation, parents usually find it easier to cope with the situation in comparison to the children. In assisting, the children cope with the situation, various approaches such as remarrying, co-parenting and engaging them in talks on the divorce would help a great deal. In the occurrence of a divorce, the children usually suffer physically, emotionally and psychologically, which would greatly affect them in their normal life activities such as schooling. As such, implementing the outlined strategies at an early stage ensures that the situation is brought under control before much harm has been realized. Works cited Bailey, Sandra. “Co-parenting After Divorce. Montana Mediation Association.” Web. 14 June 2013 < http://msuextension.org/publications/HomeHealthandFamily/MT200111HR.pdf> Carroll, Joanne Pedro, “How Parents Can Help Children Cope With Separation/Divorce.” Web. 14 June 2013 < http://www.child-encyclopedia.com/documents/Pedro-CarrollANGxp1.pdf> Cohen, Beorge. Helping Children and Families Deal With Divorce and Separation. Pediatrics 110(6) p.1021-1022 Nov, 2002 Web. Web. 14 June 2013 Joubert, Natacha, and Guy Kathleen, “Helping Children and Youth Live with Separation and Divorce. Because Life Goes On… A Guide for Parents” Web. 14 June 2013 Schwartz, Carry “Helping Children Cope with Divorce” Adapted from "Divorce Book For Parents" Web. 14 June 2013 Velardo, Almand, How to Help Your Children During and After a Divorce. Michigan Bar Journal. Web. 14 June 2013 Read More