Intercultural Communication - Essay Example

?Journal entry Sara and I have been friends for over eight years now, although this wasn’t always the case. I remember back in school how I never liked her. I was new and she seemed loud, egoistic and arrogant. The cheerleading captain, she was very popular. It was because of these reasons that she was pompous and somewhat of a showoff. She would make it a point to make fun of students who focused more on academics. I particularly remember how she would give the smartest students in class the hardest time. Sara was constantly surrounded by an entourage, girls who wanted to be her and boys who always made efforts to gain her attention. I spent very little time with Sara during our school days. She was the kind of person I would never be friends with. Not only was she selfish buts he also had little respect for other students and teachers. It was as if her popularity was a license for her to automatically assume she was superior. We had the same classes but our interaction was mostly to a minimum. I had always been a studious and focused student. I worked hard on my grades and prioritized studies over most things. The first time I realized my impression of Sara was vastly inaccurate was when my math professor requested that I tutor her. Swallowing my initial dislike for the girl I started from the basics. Initially it was hard but I was surprised to see that she was actually quiet smart. She was polite and actually made the effort to always be on time so that I didn’t have to wait. True that we were two very different people but I realized that I had judged her too harshly. I met her parents a few times and realized how hard she worked to please them and how they were always busy working. This was when I silently acknowledged the mistake I had made by judging her on first impression. I had been placing too much importance on her negative aspects and refusing to look at Sara’s redeeming qualities. I realized the fact that we had different personalities which led to our perception of how we relate to other people, whether it’s in a social setting or a personal one (Cheryl, 2009). It is an overlap of the two which helps us gain a clearer understanding of what a person is like. Journal Entry 2 Introduction When Sara and I initially became friends it was great. We shared our troubles and helped each other out. She was a good listener and were we becoming fast friends. However what I found unfair was the fact that even though during our tutoring sessions she would give me her complete attention but back in school she would treat me differently. Sara would ignore me in front of her friends and pretend we didn’t know each other. I was hurt and pretty surprised because I knew she was not that kind of person. I wanted her to openly acknowledge that we were friends however Sara wanted to keep it a secret because she did not want his friends to know. Position 1: I am right and Sara is wrong I believe that Sara should not place so much importance in what other people think. The truth of the matter is she needs to not be so influenced by peer pressure and feel free to make her own choices. Despite our differences we are friends and that’s the truth so hiding it is unfair. It makes me feel like she is ashamed of being friends with me and that is not fair to me. This turns into a source of conflict and confusion for the both of us. Position 2: Sara is right and I am wrong There is a certain reputation that Sara has developed over the years. She is popular and has friends who have similar interests and activities so openly admitting that we are friends would make her a source of ridicule as she has spent many years making fun of students who are a lot like me. Sara says she needs more time and being a good friend I should be more understanding. Position 3: Both of us are right and both of us are wrong I am right to want to be treated the same whether it is during our study sessions or when we are back in school, however I am wrong to push her to make a decision by openly acknowledging our friendship before she is ready and comfortable to do so. Sara is right to feel ashamed because of the certain reputation she has developed of ridiculing students who are studious and not popular. Being friends with me is a contradiction of her preference of usual friends which causes her to be ashamed of her past behavior and being judged by her friends. However she is wrong to treat me like I am someone she is ashamed of being friends with. Position 4: It doesn’t matter During our study sessions we are open with each other, we share problems and talk about our day and help each other study. What other people think does not matter and we both learn a lot from each other. Conclusion There came a point that Sara and I managed to move beyond step 1 and 2 and see each other’s perspectives. It was difficult at first but this was the beginning of a long friendship. Journal entry 3 Step 1: Woman’s right to get an abortion Step 2: My perspective As far as the topic of a woman’s right to get an abortion is concerned I believe that the choice depends largely on the woman as it is her right to subject control over her own body. I am of the opinion that abortion should be legal mostly because the decision to terminate a pregnancy belongs to each woman. My certain line of thought on the subject coincides with a pro-choice view of the matter. I firmly believe in legalizing abortion as it is the personal choice of an individual to see whether or not they can Step 3: Opposing first-person singular perspective The topic of abortion is one that is highly controversial in today’s society. I have been raised with values which negate the concept of allowing abortion as an individual choice. I am a firm advocate of the pro-life perspective which firmly goes against women having the right which lets them abort an unborn child. When you think about it how can a decision which results in ending the life of an unborn child be an ethically correct one. I have been raised with strong morals and principles and a high sense of responsibility and accountability. How this has an impact on my anti-abortion views is based on the fact that if the mother of the unborn child is old enough to know the consequences of her actions and gets pregnant anyway then she should have to bear the responsibility of her actions. So if the mother is old enough that she can get pregnant than it is only appropriate that she have the child. True, there are extreme circumstances in which the mother is unwilling to keep the child or cannot raise a child on her own. That choice being what it is does not give her the right to end a life. Being a stringent pro-life activist I believe that even if the woman wants to give up the child for adoption later it is only pertinent that she goes ahead and has it. The unborn child becomes a fully pledged human life the moment the egg is fertilized and should therefore get the chance to live and undergo numerous experiences of life that take place outside the womb. Step 4 There were a few corrections that Sara made as far as pointing out the flaws in her perceived point of view about abortion. This had to do with my assumption that she had to be raised with a certain values which had shaped her anti-abortion views. She pointed out how inaccurate that was as her formulation of an anti-abortion perspective had nothing to do with any parental influences in her life. Her opinions were formulated on her own personal beliefs and strong respect for any kind of life form. She highlighted how she would rescue stray cats and dogs and find homes for them and how it breaks her heart when people are so cruel as to end a human life simply because it was inconvenient or unwanted. It had to do more with your perspective on life and experiences which lead to the formulation of an opinion on the topic – be it for or against abortion. Step 6 This exercise had a great impact on my point of view. It made me realize that there is no absolute right or wrong. It reminds me of that certain phrase ‘beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder’, I think for the most part so do opinions and perspectives on a certain topic. What might seem right and justifiable to one individual might outrage and shock another. Journal 4 and 5 I recently got very upset at Sara. She had crossed a certain line and betrayed my trust. I went over to her house a while back and was talking to her mother when she jokingly brought up something that I had told Sara in confidence. I trusted her as one of my dearest friends and I did not understand why she would do such a thing. I thought of all the possible reasons which would have led to her telling my secrets to her mother, but I could not think of any reason that would justify her actions. I was hurt deeply, and so in order to control the situation I ignored her calls and texts deciding I would hold on to my secrets in the future. After a few days of not returning her calls and letters I ran into common friends me and Sara had and they mentioned how upset and confused she was by my refusal to talk to her.. However every time I recalled what she had done I realized how I was the victim here; I who had been such a good friend and whose secrets she gave such little importance to. Then I learnt that Sara was going through a bad breakup and my decision to talk to her could not have taken form in a more inopportune time. I was angry and hurt but I realized that I was so consumed with her betrayal that I had automatically assumed she would know why I was so upset. She had carelessly shared my secrets with another person and so I was the injured party and deserved an explanation. Despite this being true it did not change the fact that I had expected her to know something she was clearly unaware of and so I was unconsciously hurting her back. So I decided not to overthink this and confront Sara asking for an explanation for her action. I went to her house and without wasting any time go straight to the point and told her about the conversation I had with her mother during which I learnt she had shared my secrets with her. Even though I tried to be as polite as possible but I was hurt and my voice got louder as I accused her of being a bad friend. It was then the shock, humiliation and pain that were on Sara’s face registered to me. She swore she had done no such thing. Upon talking to her mother and asking her how she knew we found out that she had accidently overheard our telephone conversation and that is how she learnt my secret. I was ashamed for all the days I had ignored her and how I had assumed the worse about her. I apologized for the confusion and for the hurtful things I had said to Sara whom anyone being subjected to would react with anger and rudeness. I was relieved when she accepted my apology and promised never to make such a mistake again. Journal entry 6 Sara and I have this tradition. Every once in a while we have a sleepover in which we spent a lot of time talking about our lives in general, the problems we face, a newly acquired animal she had saved, our peers at work etc. The true blessing of having such a close friend is that you can talk about all kinds of things in detail without any hesitation. We talk in length about all kinds of things ranging from our new activities to our troubles and even the latest movies we had seen which we had enjoyed. The amazing thing about Sara is that she is very perceptive and can pick up things when I am upset even if I don’t tell her. I have a tendency to disclose things about myself by being very expressive and emotional. So if I have a fight with my parents I would always get emotional if Sara would inquire about them which would make the fact that we aren’t doing so well very clear. I limit the use of facts as a means for showing how I truly feel about Sara’s pets. She is very fond of the many strays she has rescued and they roam freely in her house. I however am not fond of her pets. I avoid disclosing how I really feel about them stating the fact that letting them sleep on her bed or eating out of her plate can be highly unhygienic. So knowing that if I give her my honest opinion it would hurt her feelings and her feelings are of a lot more value than my dislike for her pets in general. Journal entry 7 Sara had recently broken up with her boyfriend. It had been a difficult time for her. Our boyfriends were also best friends and when she and Adam broke up she had been very upset. We had started dating around the same time and while she had recently broken up I was still in a long term happy relationship. So I made efforts to keep the aspects of my steady relationship hidden from Sara by not discussing them with her anymore. This was because even though she pretended she wasn’t it would hurt her as she had worked hard to get rid of every reminder of Adam. I have Sara to often thank for introducing me to Jake. I had always been shy and despite having a crush on Jake I would never have talked to him due to my introverted nature. Jake had a very different personality he was outgoing and confident and adventurous. I always came to the conclusion that it would never work and that it was a bad idea. However Sara disagreed. Where I thought I was shy and dull she found me insightful, smart and easy to talk to. I also gave little thought about my appearance however Sara frequently complimented me. She knew me for long enough and well enough to know things about me which even I for the most part unaware of. Introducing Jake and I was one of the many things I have her to be grateful for. Journal entry 8 My sister recently got married. It was a very special day for all of us. Sarah and I were a key part of the ceremony and we were in charge for handling most of the things. The event was a great success. We spent hours and hours sitting together and pooling in ideas and listening to each other’s perspective on how things should be handled. Being a patient person I make sure that listening to another person’s point of view and giving it equal importance to that of your own is very important. Sara had a tendency to get carried away with ideas and out of excitement she would act on them very rapidly if approved. Her ideas aren’t always practical, she proposed we have an ice sculpture in this weather, however she means well and since I make it a strong habit not to interrupt her while she is speaking and keep an open mind it encourages her to think out of the box. When she suggested we release doves as part of the ceremony, the absurdity of the idea was visible by my facial expressions despite the fact that I tried to keep a poker face so as not to dampen her excitement. This is my weak point and something I need to work on to become a better listener however it is Sara’s key strength. If someone was to suggest something absurd she would always be encouraging and respond kindly without betraying any surprise or aversion to the suggestion. This I noticed during the ceremony as emotions were flying high and the groom being late was attributed to him not showing up for the ceremony. Sara listened to the bride’s concerns without betray any kind of humor regarding the situation. Summary Sara and I have been friends for over eight years. I had just moved to San Jose and started the high school there when I met Sara. She had lived there in San Jose her whole life. She was the popular girl in the school. She was head cheerleader, good looking and popular. My first impression of her was that of an individual who was arrogant, egotistic and too self-absorbed. Her air of superiority because of the fact that she was popular seemed to repel a person like me from even making the effort to get to know her. We were complete opposites however after being requested to help her improve her grades I came to realize how there was more to her then what met the eye. She was actually pretty self-conscious, smart and a nice person. During our regular study sessions we became fast friends and have been ever since then for over eight years. We grew up together and she is as close to me as one of my sisters. The reason why Sara and I have been able to maintain our friendship over various situations that we have been through is mainly because of the balance we have been able to maintain in our communication. The fact that we have different personalities, mine being introverted, focused and ambitious and her being adventurous, out spoken and confident, could have been a recipe for disaster. However from the very beginning we were able to find a balance which inculcated the sharing of ideas and communication based on the mutuality. So we might have divergent opinions about the same subject but through giving respect to each other’s point of view, open discussions, not judging and leaving room for compromise when we disagree on something injects the aspect of assertion in our communication. So we might have different opinions as far as the legalization of abortion is concerned but we manage to accept the pro’s and con’s which would lead one to arrive to their individual perspective. Active listening is also a key part of our communication relationship as it is core to enabling two individuals who disagree so often to formulate a lasting relationship. For us it comes naturally as Sara’s very unique take on the situation always seems to interest me as it is so different from the way I think. We intently listen to each other’s perspectives and frequently give each other advice and feedback. Verbal communication is a corner stone of any relationship. Despite residing in different areas and having a lot of other friends Sara and I have managed to stay close by communicating frequently. We call each other at least twice a day and text constantly. We meet up frequently and have sleepovers once in a while to catch up and talk about things in general. Non-verbal communication is another critical part of what makes our communication with each other such a success. I can often tell whether Sara is depressed, low or nervous from her facial expressions without her having to say anything. She has a habit of chewing her nails when she is nervous and being impatient and tapping her foot when she is worried. I also have several tells which she often points out as indicative of my current mood or thoughts. Often when I drive Sara points out how the activity makes me nervous as I twist around strands of my hair on my finger. Lastly, social roles greatly dictate the relationship two individuals have. Initially Sara struggled with the notion of letting her other friends know that we were friends. The peer pressure was too intense and in high school the definition of social roles is quiet dominating. It is a clear social understanding that the popular cheerleaders are friends with each other whereas the studious individuals hang out in groups of their own. By breaking away from these highly intense social roles which dictate the relationship that individuals have with each other was the beginning was something that helped us grow up together and stand up for the choices we wanted to make rather than the ones that were socially dictated to us. This was a problematic part of our relationship and a key barrier when it came to us being friends. The fact that we were so very different made it easy to assume that we could never be friends however it has been these differences that have brought us closer and made our relationship so successful (Samovar, Porter and McDaniel, 2006). Despite being best friends for eight years there are always problems and dumps in the road that every relationship faces. One such episode was when I assumed that Sara’s mothers reference to one of my secrets had been a result of Sara confiding in her mother something I had distinctively asked her not to. It was a betrayal and despite thinking of all logical reasons for Sara making this decision to share my secrets with her mother I failed to understand any justifiable cause for her action. I was betrayed and hurt and decided to ignore Sara. In return my unprovoked silence hurt Sara’s feelings. She was going through a difficult time and needed her friend. After a delayed confrontation and a lot of hurt between us it was found that Sara’s mother had overhead one of our conversations by accident and it had been a misunderstanding. This brings me to the aspects of our communication which we can improve. Although we have a strong relationship based on effective communication however we need to learn to understand that there are weaknesses pertaining to the communication even between best friends. We need to be more open about our feelings regarding various issues and instead of jumping to conclusions give each other the benefit of the doubt when it comes to situations that are confusing or difficult. Furthermore it is imperative that we converse and talk over problems without getting overly emotional and being practical and level headed even in an intense predicament. If problems arise running away and locking yourself and ignoring all means of communication is not an option instead problems should be looked at as a judge of the strength of a relationship one that can withstand any kind of hurdle. References Cheryl, J. (2009). Dealing with difficult people: It's a zoo out there. New York, NY: Worthy Shorts Inc. Samovar, L. A., Porter, R. E., & McDaniel, E. R. (2006). Intercultural communication. Boston, MA: Wordsworth, Cengage Learning. Read More