My original story was about an innocent, successful mother named Jasmine. She had an only child that was conceived through a rigorous process of fertility treatment. Consequently, she conceived her first child at 40 years old. She then lost her husband; her son was the only thing she had as a remembrance of her husbands image. Unfortunately, her son was fatally shot and killed by a thug named Mark, who is uneducated and lives a frivolous lifestyle as a thug.
After several revisions and comments from you and my classmates, my story is now about Mark, who lives his life frivolously by committing crimes to sustain his sick grandmother. He ended up shooting a student, who happened to be a city mayors son on school ground and subsequently jail for his action. The mayor is now seeking revenge for her sons unjustifiable death. She released Mark, the culprit out of Jail using deceptions to have access to him and his future kids. Her plan is to make him feel the same pain that she felt when she lost her son. However, Mark repented for his actions, and he is now a new person who wants to do what is right for the society. Also, he would like to show his appreciations to Jasmine for taking him out of jail and providing for him. Unfortunately and unbeknownst to him, he his is living with his worst nightmare.
The little cartoon video you provided from Michael, the screenwriter of Pixar, who wrote Toy Story 3 helped me in reconstructing my story. He said to have my character doing the thing they love most and the world they live. For my story, the thing that Mark loves to do most is robbery. That is the life he knows without any conscience; he lives in a world of perpetrators. However, his mother is currently jailed for drugs, and his father passed away in the life of crimes. Then, the characters flaw. In Marks case, he is heavily influenced by his environments and friends that are also thugs. Then,