The Love Tab - Essay Example

? The Love Tab Introduction Family Research Lab or ‘The Love Lab’ is a video made at the lab of Dr. Gottmanat Seattle, University of Washington. This video demonstrates an analytical process and identifies the behaviors or differences which drive two people apart in a marriage. Dr. Gottman is at the centre of everything with his solution to couples and reality-based advice. However the story of the video starts with one and progresses with another couple, insisting that problematic married life and broken marriages are constantly on a rise in modern societies (Wilson). What it takes to sustain a relationship: Gottman Dr. Gottman has suggested several things in the video. First of all, he has advised to get rid of ‘The Four Horsemen of Apocalypse’, insisting that couples tend to create misunderstanding as well as bitterness among themselves by criticizing each other’s actions or thought. Also, sarcasm, cynicism, offending gestures, mockery, indirect insult and other negative behaviors tear two people apart. Stonewalling and defensiveness also prevents spouses from discussing problems with each other. Therefore, according to Dr. Gottman, it is absolutely essential that whenever any occasion of dispute takes place, at least one partner must try to ‘settle’ down or ‘divert’ the topic (Gehart 337). To settle disputes in marriages, Dr. Gottman advised the couples for ‘couple therapy’ and weekend workshops. He also held the view that to sustain a marriage a couple must take certain initiatives like building ‘love- maps’ and must share fondness and good memories. Some admiration needs to be present among partners. Above all, they must concentrate on their marriage and hold a positive attitude. This would help in creation of a shared meaning and help the partners to achieve their ambitions and aspirations. Views about the video ‘The Love Lab’ The viewers could understand every details of therapy, or love- procedure of Dr. Gottman. With no extra efforts put on special effects, the video seems to capture a single day of ‘The Love Lab’, more precisely the couple of hours required for diagnosing a couple. At the beginning of the video which is less than five minutes in length, one finds an apparently- happy couple entering the love lab. All the characters who appear in the video look very convincing and rea - including Dr, Gottman himself, his assistants, and ‘happy and not-so- happy’ couples who walk to the ‘The Love Lab’ (The Love Lab). Though the video lacks fineness of quality and precision, but nowhere does it fails achieve its objective. One could not trace any sign of extravagance or grandeur on the backgrounds. Rather sometimes it gives the impression of a well-lit moderate apartment. The female- voice protagonist never comes in the front, but provides description and analysis of single action and shift of focus in the video- staring from the type and subject matter of questions that are asked, oral history interview, symptoms of a strongly- connected couple, etc. Soon after this, the video monitors the backstage of the research lab, where highly- trained observers analyze reactions of couple using a special type of coding system. The video shows the whole procedure step by step. Later on the video captures the activities of the couples and research technicians during ‘conflict discussion’. A glance of computers with special type of coding system and other the equipments implies that Dr. Gottman’s ideologies are based on scientific grounds. The female- voice protagonist simultaneously describes the aspects or parameters of analysis- blood velocity, flooding, fidgeting, sweating palms, heat beats, facial expressions, body movements, and topics of disagreement like disagreement about finances, or maintenance of kids, how they met, warm affectionate memories, etc. Video tapes are used to record minute facial expressions which are later on analyzed using specific codes. At the end of therapy, these tapes are preserved for future use. Apart from motion pictures, the video also offers written formats of ‘The Four Horsemen of Apocalypse’- criticism, defensiveness, contempt, stonewalling- for better understanding of the viewers. Thus, the video provides an insight into techniques of Dr. Gottman to work out relationship stability through expression, emotion and validation, his findings and optimism, and the way he challenges contemporary techniques of marriage counseling. Towards the end, a male-voice takes over, insisting on the benefits of the Love Lab and achievements of Dr. Gottman in his twenty years career like publication of 120 articles, 37 books, and winning the National institute of health research scientist award (The Love Lab). ‘Formula’ to successful relationships There is no other ‘formula’ to a successful relationship other than mutual trust and respect, and most importantly love. Most significant of them is display of ‘positive behavior’ among couples. This saves a marriage from getting sour even after a dispute. Though the spouses often argue, the positive attitude prevents growth of any pessimistic attitude towards each other. The key is to stay happy, at any cost. Today, everybody leads a hectic lifestyle. Spouses must always stay connected, as often their responsibilities and obligations tend to create a distance between them. Thus, it becomes equal responsibility of a man and his wife that they find out some quality time for each other. This not only keeps couples healthy and happy, but at the same time they could also avoid a lot of misunderstandings. Concentration or focusing into marriage is more fruitful than complaining about a bed marriage. Ideas of ‘The Love Lab’ and Pillow Talk ‘Pillow Talk’ article of Utne echoes the same fundamental principles of marriage. Compared to ‘The Love Lab’, the Pillow Talk produces a variety of solutions to sustain a marriage. It is advised that spiritual practice, social services, responsibility of kids, household chores, etc are some of the common aspects that couples fight about. The detailed discussion of the article helps the readers to form an idea about which behavior could upset his or her spouse. The article also deals with controversial topics like open marriages, level of intimacy in marriages- which are so important in a marriage but gets little attention (Utne 1-6). Conclusion In present times, more and more couples are having problems in their married life. Often the dispute is becoming so great that couples are heading for divorce. ‘The Love Lab’ and Dr. Gottman’s therapy provides a solution to this. The video shows solutions to such disputes and ways to make a marriage successful. Sustainability and stability of a marriage could only be achieved if both the partners work on their marriage continuously and maintain a healthy and reciprocal interaction. It is hoped that more people would take professional help, like the one offered by ‘The Love Lab’ to increase strengths and depth of their relationship. The ‘Pillow Talk’ also reflects similar views. Works Cited Gehart, Daine. Mastering Competencies in Family Therapy: A Practical Approach to Theories and Clinical Case Documentation, US: Cengage Learning, 2009, Print. The Love Lab. Belinda TGI, 2006. USA. 2008. Video. Utne, Nina. “Pillow Talk”, UTNE Reader: Cure Ignorance Mar/Apr. 2006: 1-6. Web. 20 May. 2013. Wilson, Sarah. “Welcome to the 'love lab'”, The Guardian 8 Mar. 2009. Print. Read More