Practicum Counseling Experience - Case Study Example

Practicum Counseling Report Session session: September 29, 2008 Time of Session: 7PM Location of session: A space was created where the atmosphere would be warm, comfortable and quiet. I asked the couple to meet me at a friend's counseling office after hours. The two chairs the couple would sit in were placed facing each other, knees positioned close together. It was important to have the couple be able to make eye contact. My chair was to the side. When we all entered the room we sat for a few minutes as confidentiality and the seating chart was explained. The first few minutes of the session was used to calm the couple down through breathing exercises. I explained at no time during the session would there be shaming, blaming, criticism or judgment. The goal of the session was to test listening and dialogue skills (Hendrix, 2008). Background information: Hope and Jermaine Bailey wanted to discuss their increasing feelings of isolation in their marriage. There children were grown and had left their house. The quiet of their home had become deafening for both of them and Jermaine was spending less and less time at home with Hope. The tradition of family dinners ended when the children left. Both Hope and Jermaine find themselves freer than ever before. They feel like they have let their relationship grow stale. Narrative summary of the session: Hope tells me that she feels like they don't have quality time together. She feels like Jermaine is uninterested in her - he works all day and is busy in the evening-Hope works during the day and is home in the evening. Hope explains that she feels like Jermaine's life is more exciting than hers. She is feeling frustrated because he doesn't seem to listen to her when he is home-he always seems preoccupied according to Hope. Hope doesn't feel like she is a part of Jermaine's life or the people he surrounds himself with. Jermaine explains that when he comes home he is always tired. I don't think she understands what I'm going through at work. I have a pretty stressful job. Jermaine says he is annoyed that Hope doesn't understand that he is tired and that he doesn't listen to her because she is a complainer. She talks at him instead of to him. Jermaine and Hope didn't have these insights when we first started the session. The couple first started talking about what they argue about-the dirty dishes and not being home at mealtime. By the end of the session, the real problems were divulged and it had nothing to do with mealtimes and dirty dishes. I explained that they were cut up in a trap and that they could get out of it. I gave an example of the trap they were in-he complains that she is irritable and argumentative and negative so he tunes her out, doesn't share his thoughts or feelings with her and becomes isolated. He shuts himself off from the relationship and she is pushing him a way from her while becoming clingy and needy because he is physically and emotionally removed from the relationship. Hopes clinginess and neediness is pushing Jermaine farther away instead of bringing him closer like she desires. By the end of the session Hope explained to Jermaine that she feels if she gives him more space they won't have a relationship. Jermaine explains to Hope that he worries that she loves him, but isn't in love with him any more. Both explain that they are feeling pressured in the marriage. Neither really feels that home is a safe haven anymore. Session #2: Date of session: October 6, 2008 Time of Session: 7PM Location of session: We returned to the same space used for the first session. The room was set up in the same way. The first few minutes of the session was used to calm the couple down through breathing exercises. I explained at no time during the session would there be shaming, blaming, criticism or judgment. The goal of the session was to recapture their feelings of isolation and to find ways to use dialogue more effectively (Hendrix, 2008). Background information: Hope and Jermaine began to see their patterns of behavior and attitude toward each other. They realized that these negative behaviors and attitudes were tearing at the fabric of their relationship. The couple noticed that the patterns and events that brought their feelings of isolation and not feeling loved varied, but the underlying feelings were always the same. In this session, the couple realized the real cause of their problems. I explained to Hope and Jermaine that the process of executing behaviors and attitudes is always the same, but the content or event that brings about negative behaviors and attitudes are irrelevant (McLeod, n.d.). Use of dialogue was addressed during the session. I explained that when one is talking the other may not be listening instead they may be thinking of their response. I explained that this is called "I-It" dialogue. Replies in "I-It" dialogue are filled with carefully chosen words which show just how much that listener is in the right. Replies are carefully designed so the person doesn't have to listen any more. In "I-It" dialogue the listener is not dealing with the partner's reality and the listener is working hard to give the partner a fake and shiny version of themselves (Hendrix, 2008). I attempted to demonstrate through examples Hope and Jermaine had given me how solutions using "I-It" dialogue are only short-term solutions. "I-It" dialogue leaves the true underlying reasons for the conflict unresolved (Hendrix, 2008). At the end of the session I listened to Hope and Jermaine describe their feelings when they first fell in love. Both felt a sense that fate brought them together. They believed that they were greater together than in their separate lives. I explained how through changes in their dialogue they could experience the love they dreamed of when they first met. Detailed summary of PAIR Test results: PAIR tests provide information about the couple as individuals. For the counselor PAIR is a way of seeing the differences in ideas, beliefs, values, opinions and experiences of the individual. The goal of counseling is to take the difference of the individual and make them an addition to the relationship not a conflict in the relationship. Hope and Jermaine scored relatively the same except in areas of Political conservatism, outdoor interests where Jermaine scored high and psychological support and monetary concern where he scored low. Hope scored high on social status. Both Hope and Jermaine scored high in physical affection, emotional control and order and routine. The rest of the categories had the couple very close in their ideas, beliefs, values, opinions and experiences. End thoughts, reactions and client assignments: Typically, couples go to counseling when they are on the brink of breaking up. This was not the case for Hope and Jermaine. The couple was open to change and committed to strengthening their relationship. It was easy for there to be an immediate breakthrough as to the underlying issues that were causing Hope and Jermaine conflict. There willingness to listen to each other and change their dialogue was the key to the success of the couples counseling sessions (Nemko, 2008). Hope and Jermaine came into the counseling session realizing that they were there to change themselves not each other. The couple was positive, they didn't criticize each other, they understood that their listening skills weren't the best and they didn't interrupt each other. Both Hope and Jermaine asked questions of me and of each other-they both wanted to better understand the situation being discussed or the solution that needed to be employed. Very quickly, Hope and Jermaine stopped expanding on specific incidents and began to focus on the underlying causes of their conflicts (Nemko, 2008). At the end of each session, Hope and Jermaine were able to summarize their behavior changes and make a commitment for the upcoming week. Promises were made to each other in writing for the changes in behavior in the upcoming week. Each partner gave a progress report in the next session. This recapturing of the week turned in to a praising and complimentary part of the session. Hope and Jermaine are committed to their marriage, to each other and to themselves to be the best possible person they can be. It is this willingness that will give them the success in resolving the conflicts in their marriage (Nemko, 2008). PAIR SCANS to GO HERE. Session #3: Date of session: October 13, 2008 Time of session: 7PM Location of session: We returned to the same space used for the first and second session. The room was set up in the same way. The first few minutes of the session was used to calm the couple down through breathing exercises. I explained at no time during the session would there be shaming, blaming, criticism or judgment. The goal of the session was to practice use of effective dialogue to express feelings (Hendrix, 2008). Background comments: We began the session recapturing Hope and Jermaine's feelings of isolation and inability to communicate their feelings for the other as well as how they were feeling as individuals. I also reviewed the ineffective dialogue of the couple and we practiced new dialogue techniques. Narrative summary of session: By the end of the third session the couple understood and was able to comfort each other even when they were in the middle of a disagreement. Jermaine and Hope were communicating their needs instead of expecting the other to know what their needs were. Each partner learned to pick and choose their battles-they stood their ground when it mattered not just to be right all the time. Hope and Jermaine began to show support and acknowledge the importance of each other's goals. Both were able to shut their mind off and listen from their heart with affection and empathy. Hope and Jermaine learned the value of LACE-love, appreciation, compassion and empathy while showing a sincere intention to change and commit to their marriage (Foreman, n.d.). End of thoughts for this session: I feel that the culmination of all three sessions resulted in bringing peace to Hope and Jermaine's life. Their marriage regained its stability. Their communication became effective and was able to impact their relationship in a positive way. Practicum Summary: Personal responses and reactions to the counseling experience: It is rare to find a perfect anything let alone a marriage. Each partner brings into the marriage their own ideas, beliefs, values, opinions and experiences. Many times what one partner brings into the marriage doesn't match the other partners. Differences do not necessarily mean that there will be conflict. Many times differences are positive and complimentary (Marriage counseling: Working through relationship problems, 2007). I discovered that the best relationships are tested. Over time those differences you found endearing in your partner may become grating. It is common that a gradual disintegration of communication and caring develop in a marriage as the years go by. This is called a rut ("Marriage Counseling," 2007). The stress of marriage is often demonstrated in worry and fear. It is important that couples realize that when problems and feelings are ignored they fester and worsen over time. A bad relationship affects all areas of our lives ("Marriage Counseling," 2007). Personal awareness that arose for the counselor: Couples counseling is based on the premise that problems be dealt with as a couple not individually. The couple has specific issues that are explored. Couples counseling never focuses on the individual the focus is on the couple's specific issues. The goal of couple's counseling is to learn better ways to relating and dealing appropriately with situations and problems as they arise ("Couples Counseling," 2008). Statement of what the counselor learned from this experience: Over 75% of couples who receive couples counseling say they are better off after therapy than they were before therapy. Couples report a significant improvement in their ability to communicate and express their needs and feelings. I was surprised at the high rate of success even when both partners don't experience the same outcomes or benefits. Over 50% of couples are able to sustain and maintain the positive effects of therapy for an extended length of time. Spouses tend to come together and form a stronger emotional bond after therapy. There is also an increased level of emotional maturity of the individual partner ("Couples Counseling," 2008). References Couples counseling. (2008). Retrieved November 6, 2008, from http://family-marriage-counseling.com/mentalhealth/couples-counseling.htm Foreman, A. (n.d.). It's never too late to save your relationship if you are both willing to work on it. Retrieved November 6, 2008, from http://www.acenterformarriagecounseling.com/index.php Hendrix, H. (2008). The Imago dialogue. Retrieved November 6, 2008, from http://gettingtheloveyouwant.com/articles/imago_dialogue.html Marriage counseling: Working through relationship problems. (2007). Retrieved November 6, 2008, from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/marriage-counseling/MH00104 McLeod, L. (n.d.). The choice of dialogue. Retrieved November 6, 2008, from http://relationshipcounselingatlanta.com/articles/dialogue.pdf Nemko, M. (2008). How I counsel unhappy couples. Retrieved November 6, 2008, from http://martynemko.blogspot.com/2008/10/how-i-counsel-unhappy-couples.html Read More