Getting the Love You Want - Book Report/Review Example

The theories espoused by Hendrix, particularly the nuances underlying his pioneering creation and articulation of what is now known as Imago Relationship Theory, have generated some controversy and criticism within the professional and academic communities. On the other hand, these theories have also been met with popular approval and embraced by certain segments of the marriage therapy profession. This essay will explain Hendrix's major thesis and its underlying premises, set forth this author's possible personal Imago, and engage in a brief critical analysis of the book's value.

In short, Hendrix presents a theoretical framework in which the spouses that people choose cannot be characterized as random or fortuitous. Rather than focusing on a particular moment in time, Hendrix concentrates on the entire life span as his frame of reference for better understanding how marital selections are made, how certain marriages crumble, and how certain marriages persist despite occasional disagreements or fights. A careful reading of Hendrix suggests quite forcefully that events that have occurred during childhood are far more important than recent events.

His main thesis is that people choose marital partners based on the positive and the negative traits of the primary caretakers. If true, this is illuminating; it is illuminating because choosing a marital partner with certain negative traits associated with parents is almost certain to lead to conflict and resentment. Old wounds are carried over from childhood, identified in the selected spouse, and ignored as romantic visions of marital bliss prevail. The provocative essence of this thesis is in its very irony: people are professing to seek a harmonious marital union when in fact certain wounds from childhood are causing them to select a spouse with whom some type of conflict is inevitable.

This thesis, understanding causes and sources of causes, underlies the second important part of Hendrix's thesis. This is that marital therapy can now more effectively treat couples experiencing these inevitable and perfectly understandable conflicts. This refers to stages in a marital relationship, both romantic and a power struggle, and sets forth guidelines for educating couples about the deeper essence of their conflicts. When causes are known, therefore, treatment is possible. Unearthing one's personal Imago, however, can be a complicated task.1.2 My Personal ImagoThis is an extraordinarily personal type of analysis; it is so deeply personal, because as Hendrix has noted, "This image of the person who can make me whole again I call the Imago" (Harville, 2006: 5).

This requires the construction of the positive and the negative traits associated with the primary caregivers. In my case, there is at times a blurring between the positive and the negative. The positive traits include a deep sense of responsibility, a commitment to hard work, a very real concern with the value and the scarcity of money, and a strong commitment to being a good member of the community and a good citizen. These are all, superficially at least, positive traits; to be sure, no one criticizes their parents because they worked hard or saved rather than squandered their earnings.

A closer examination, using Hendrix as a frame of reference, reveals wounds that have occurred and certain traits