The Iraqi Community Members While Living in Saudi Arabia - Assignment Example

Chapter four: Marriage The importance of marriage varies from one culture to another even though all Arab and Muslim societies share the same point of view. Muslims generally consider marriage to be “half of ones faith” and an unmarried man or women is rather an oddity in Muslim society, particularly if he or she is able-bodied and of sound mind (Joseph & Najmabadi, 2006:246). In Iraq, social bonds between members of the opposite sex are restricted in marital framework. Women were socialized in a culture which puts great emphasis on marriage. They were brought up to desire marriage from an early age (Al-Rasheed, 1993). This chapter will illustrate the adaptation process in a specific stage pertaining to the Iraqi community members while living in Saudi Arabia and how gaining marital status in migration circumstances may affect marriage opportunities. It focuses on how Iraqis deal with their lack of choices and options presented and to what extent they have managed to maintain the image of an ideal marriage and what modifications had to be made to adjust with the new society. Cultural and socio-economic dimensions will be taken into account to see what conventions are incorporated in the Saudi or Iraqi marriage ceremonies. I will also highlight the disruptive consequences of Iraqi migration to Saudi Arabia on the choice of marriages among the second generation. We will also analyze and address the reasons behind the high rate of divorces in the Iraqi community as every one of them has experienced a separation case and suffered from its negative consequences. As a result, commitment to marriage has become a dilemma therefore we will be examining these problems in detail. Marriage patterns and strategies I would argue that there are three dimensions that contribute towards the complex pattern of marriage within the Iraqi community and the decision-making process when it comes to selecting a potential spouse. Firstly, the image of an ideal marriage amongst the members of the first generation and their experiences along with their cultural frame of reference from their homeland plays a main role in determining the course of life within the second generation. Secondly, the Saudi socio-cultural impact on the second generation of Iraqi community members e.g. school mates is another important factor. Undoubtedly, direct contact with their Saudi peers was an essential factor in the f understanding the matrimonial rites. Third, “the reality”, which inculcates several aspects, is that the Iraqi community in Saudi Arabia is a minority and their numbers have not increased considerably in recent years leaving them with limited choices when it comes to choosing a life partner. On the other hand, the Saudi law does not encourage intermarriages between foreigners and Saudi citizens or its society members. All Iraqi families werent familiar with these consequences which resulted in unexpected crisis. With the rush of life, parents took this matter for granted and expected that their children would get married the way they did. Hence, parental expectations contradicted their childrens idea of marriage which led to mismatched realities between the two. Children either followed their parents path or were too ashamed to correct their vision. When parents tried to implement their cultural background on the marital arrangements and negotiations they faced an array of obstacles. After going through unsuccessful experiences, parents realized that they ought to adjust their cultural values and norms to find a common ground with what their children desired and could easily come to terms to. It is a very difficult equation to resolve, in spite of the obvious similarities in the social and cultural structure of both countries. Nevertheless intermarriages between them are virtually impossible due to reluctance from the two parties themselves. Iraqi community members are reluctant to allow their daughters to marry Saudi men for their notorious reputation of having a lenient attitude towards divorce and polygamy (Yamani, 2009). Moreover, in the Saudi society intermarriages are not encouraged between foreigners and Saudis, especially if the former do not possess a Saudi citizenship. The criteria for selecting marriage patterns relate more to the status and social standing of the family than the personal attributes of a prospective spouse (Altorki, 1986: 128). Therefore, even in the Saudi society choices are limited when it comes to choosing a potential spouse within the Saudi community itself. For example, as an Iraqi female living in Jeddah, I would have my own social network consisting of both Iraqi and Saudi people. At a social gathering in Saudi Arabia, a woman was to come up to me and shed say, Me enti men bait meen meaning From which household are you? This symbolizes that the woman sees me as a potential bride for either her son or a male relative. If she fails to recognize who I am from my surname, her next question would be, Enti Saudia? meaning Are you Saudi? or comment that this is the first time shes come across this particular surname. But if she were well-informed she would exclaim, Enti Iraqia! meaning Oh! Youre Iraqi, with a disappointed tone. Shed probably mumble something like Oh, I thought you were Saudi....’ As a Saudi rite of marriage proceedings, she would either ask for my home number to contact my family for further negotiations or walk away if she was not interested. Saudis looks at foreigners from the same lens that Najdis and Hijazis look at each other. Mai Yamani illustrates the tense relationship between the two communities as follow: Hijazis and Najdis have a very twisted image of one another and the abusive names they use to describe each other are further indications of social boundaries and the consciousness that sustains them. The Hijazis, for example, call the Najdis Shurug (Easterners) which is considered a derogatory term. Another term, Badu (Bedouin), carries an even worse connotation – which means a lack of urban refinement. On the other hand, the Najdis call Hijazis Tarsh Al-Bahr, (the flotsam of the sea) and Bagaya Hujjaj, (pilgrimage remnants). The first term is applied to those from Jeddah and the second is referred to Meccans and Medinese, both insinuating the ‘‘impurity’’ of Hijazis’’ Arab descent, owing to intermarriages with non-Arab Muslims. While the Najdis pride themselves on their lineage and Asala (purity of blood), the Hijazis take glory in their Zawg (good taste), Anaga (elegance), Nazaka (refinement) and Usul (knowledge of the rules of propriety). To be sure, Hijazis also place lineage as the prime criterion of status and respectability, especially those claiming descent from the Quraysh tribe. However, for settlers from other Muslim countries who have made homes in cities like Mecca, Media or Taif, lineage does not necessarily assert "blood purity", but rather three generations of noble social standing. As a result, ‘‘Najdis regard Hijazis as degenerate and not quite “Arabian’’. These attitudinal differences also translate into political and tense social relations (Yamani, 2009). The relation between Saudis and foreigners works in the same manner. Non-Saudis are called Ajanib which is literally translated as Foreigner and can both be used in a neutral sense or as an abusive term. Opinions on foreigners varies from one region to another for instance Saudis from Jeddah are more reluctant in selecting a foreigner partner than those who live in Mecca and Medina even if they were foreigners themselves and have recently been naturalized. . Even in the West, marriages between two people having different passports are suspected of not being in the name of love but for residency papers (Waldis & Byron, 2006: 5). It seems to be a universal matter where the host country looks at immigrants with suspecting eyes whereas the Saudi families believe that non-Saudis residents have a hidden desire of possessing the Saudi status thus they become skeptical towards their creating a friendly relationship with them. Iraqi community members are considerably respected among other foreigners because of their rich historical background and the fact that Iraq is considered as one of the oil rich countries. Only those who have the chance of long-term companionship and acquaintance can fully gain the trust or even become a part of the lineage. Nevertheless Iraqi community members are always cautious and prefer an Iraqi spouse. As mentioned in chapter 1, Iraqi presence consists of two waves, one in the late 1960s and the other in the 1990s. The numbers of known households are limited and have not increased over the years since these families have settled. Their children are all grown up and have reached the age of marriage. Therefore parents begin to search for a suitable and potential spouse within their Iraqi friends and among the rest of the Iraqi community members deployed in Saudi. After the migration, the first generation Iraqis adopted Saudi religious traditions of total segregation between members of the opposite sex. Since intermingling between men and women in Iraq is considered normal, some of the second generation was able to interact with their peers from different genders during their early childhood days. The mingling of men and women in Iraq was mostly among friends and family or colleagues at universities or the work place, while maintaining socio-religious boundaries. Most of the second generation met their spouses by chance either at universities or at a social gathering. Adopting a policy of gender segregation and other cultural norms without modifying them to suit their needs as a minority, did a lot of harm. This played a major role in disabling the normal course of life for this category of the community. As a result, a new complex marriage pattern originated which led to confusion in dealing with the situation without a clear cut methodology. Arab societies are family-oriented as they prefer and value to live in an extended family environment consisted of a three generational framework. As a result, Iraqi community members also strived to achieve this desire. Traditionally, older men and women exercised social control within the lineage and made sure that young people observed the rules (Ibid: 25). Due to the absence of suitable guidance from parents, Iraqi community members from the first generation faced hardships in sustaining their marriages. After a long struggle and suffering from painful negative experiences, Iraqi families lost the hope to return to their homeland and finally realized that they have to extend their roots in Saudi Arabia. Marriage was the only viable option for them to do that and settle in Saudi Arabia. There are four categories of marriages and can be distinguished as the following; Iraqi living in Saudi Arabia holding residential status, Iraqi holding Saudi nationality, Iraqi living abroad and a Saudi. The aim of this categorization is to illustrate the marital situation of Iraqi community members and on the other hand to point out the impact of complex conditions (historical, economic, social, and cultural) of these marriages which create different consequences for social boundaries (Ibid: 27). Adaptation of Saudi customs such as separation of the sexes and seclusion of the females gave women a major role in organizing marriages. As mothers or sisters, they provide the groom and his father with information about marriageable girls and their womenfolk. By transmitting selective information, they can sway men to a course of action in accordance with their own personal interests (Altorki 1986: 124). Iraqi families are at a loss as to what customs should they be following, Saudi or Iraqi. Since their long absence from home has eroded their concepts when it comes to a traditional Iraqi marriage, they consult their close Saudi friends or rely heavily on the opinion of their children in certain matters. Before they dwell into details which can lead to major misunderstandings between the two families at times, taking a decision of accepting a potential husband for their daughter or choosing a bride for their son usually happens due to pressure and lack of other options in the future. Under these circumstances, hasty and wrong choices were also made. Competition between families also resulted as some of them would eliminate contact with some households or distance themselves from certain friends and relatives to avoid their daughters from intermixing with their Iraqi peers that could overshadow their presence. At this point, social patterns in the Iraqi community have changed. Households have started setting their own marriage strategies by restricting whoever they pleased in any given social gathering to seek a desired socio-economic status. The contrast in ages of both genders forced some families to accept marriage proposal from outside Saudi Arabia for their daughters for example, Iraqis living in United States or European countries. Due to social, cultural and economical limitations, some of these marriages ended in divorce as they were constantly struggling. Divorces were due to lack of compatibility between spouses as they were never introduced beforehand or interacted in a social environment to judge if it was a perfect match. When Samira was questioned regarding these details in the context of marriage and how all of this effects her daughter, she replies, , "When friends her age and all her cousins back in Iraq are getting married, it makes me wonder how I will find prospects for my sons and ensure that my daughter is found by someone." Keeping this in mind, it seems that they have their country to fall back on for marriage proposals when they are in well-known social circles and the parents have an extended network of friends and family. When asked about possible solutions, Samira says, As a mother I would say that children have to compromise on what they have in mind If I have a family in mind that I would want to get a proposal from for my daughter some day, I would make efforts to get closer to that family. Meanwhile, I would keep an eye out for families who are trying to get too close to me. See, here relationships play a major role in marriages. If I want to send out proposals for my son, opportunities are slim. It is preferable to choose options from around you as it would be more appropriate for the boy and girl to connect with someone from the same environment. Both families have specifications in mind that motivates them to go ahead. We take them as a package and they did the same as well. This indicates the insistance of settling in Saudi Arabia as the only solution of having a stable life. The priority in terms of marriageable choices of the Iraqi community is the hope to commit to an Iraqi whether a resident or naturalized. marriage is suitable for people who hold a residential status while they are required to renew their presence permission every 6 months which can be quite burdensome. To elaborate further, “Intermarriage and the founding of the family may make the temporary migration project a permanent one. In a permanent migration project (refugee, exile) intermarriage is a factor of integration. Intermarriage can take place without migration amongst the second generation immigrants (Waldis & Byron, 2006: 8). The fact many Saudi-born Iraqi male were marrying Saudi females, forced Iraqi females to accept the notion of committing to Saudi men as well due to the lack of choice within the Iraqi community in Saudi Arabia. Let’s take another example. Khadija belongs to the second generation and is a mother of four. When asked what her vision and expectations of marriage are, she said, I expected to elevate myself. Getting married never meant that I would shut down other parts of my life. In fact I continued with my studies while I coordinating between domestic responsibilities and my education. To complete university education, I had to obtain a Saudi nationality. Fortunately, I was able to get what I aspired to. Ive managed to achieve part of my academic ambitions. As for getting a husband, whatever you hear or visualize is not important. You cannot gauge your life partner and his true inner-self until after you have been married to him. It is pre-destined, if you will emerge happy or unhappy in your married life. I try my best to be accountable for my decisions so I dont regret the past. Marriage provides you with your own kingdom where you have the honor of being the lady of your home and your husband alike. Before marriage, you are under the authority of your brother, father and mother. Despite the failure of my first marriage, I did not think of marring an Iraqi but I repeated the experiment from the same environment in which I brought up by the grace of God. I was born and bred in Saudi Arabia, in their community and their environment, my loyalty belongs to Saudi Arabia and not to another country. Maybe if I were to visit my grandparent’s country, I would feel strange and there would be nothing to tie me with it”. This case study supports the argument that integration is as an outcome of the process of adaptation. Hence the decision of intermarriage can be interpreted as one of these indicators (Ibid: 4). Over the past 10 years, marriages pattern among Iraqi community members have gone through several changes. Parents realized that the second generation has a bicultural influence and bi-national sense of belonging; therefore they tried to modify their previous concepts of marriage to fit with newer realities. Nevertheless, marriage transactions and relationships are never symmetrical especially when there are huge differences in the economic status of intermarried couples. In spite of ethnic differences between these groups, intermarriages between Saudis and Iraqis are an indicator of integration among Iraqi community members. Saudi with its legal framework draws very clear-cut boundaries in this matter (Ibid: 8). One of the major reasons is to ensure the restriction in marriage opportunities within the Saudi society to reduce the percentage of spinsterhood and to avoid utilitarian marriages. Used Bibliography in this chapter: 1. Joseph, S, Najmabadi A. (2006). Encyclopedia of Women & Islamic Cultures: Family, body, sexuality and health. Koninklijke Brill NV. 2. Al-Rasheed, M. (1993). the meaning of marriage and status in exile. Journal of Refugee Studies. Vol. 6. No. 2. 3. Yamani, M. (2009). Cradle of Islam: The Hijaz and the quest for the identity in Saudi Arabia. Thomas Press India Ltd. 4. Altorki, S. (1986). Women in Saudi Arabia: Ideology and Behavior Among the Elite. Columbia University Press. 5. Waldis, B, Byron, R. (2006). Migration and marriage: heterogamy and homogamy in a changing world‬. Lit verlag & co. Read More