Domestic Violence as an Indication of a Dysfunctional Relationship - Report Example

Overview of Domestic Violence Domestic violence is the most common form of violence in the world. Abusers are generally in control of their faculties because they can choose who to attack, when to attack and how to attack. For example, an abuser will not just attack anyone for no reason. He or she will establish a wrong done to them then carefully plan what to do and what to use to attack. The use and abuse of drugs and/or alcohol, stress, mental illness or violent childhood experiences may increase the chances of an individual becoming abusive because this can be used as an excuse. Loss of control is not to be blamed for domestic violence because the ability to stop this behavior whenever it benefits them is indicative of careful planning and execution. Violence in the home seems to be mainly directed at women and children because they are perceived to be weaker and defenseless. The true size of domestic violence is unknown because of under reporting. Statistical data on domestic violence is not conclusive and comparable because different countries collect data differently. There is under reporting in domestic violence because police are hesitant in acting when the aggressor is known to the victim. Physical abuse towards men is not uncommon. Threats and verbal abuse should not be ignored because there is a likelihood that these will escalate to physical vehemence. Abusers use shame, intimidation, fear and guilt because these will wear down their victim. Domestic violence can happen to anyone as it does not against heterosexuals and homosexuals, all ages, all ethnic groups and across all economic levels. The use of violence or abusive language towards another individual for whatever reason is wrong because no one deserves to be treated with cruelty. Domestic violence is not only an issue for the abuser and the victim as it involves the entire household, children included. When an individual in a home is abused, the other members are likely to get the same treatment as they try to intervene. Most abused persons live in fear of their spouse or intimate partner because they there is the possibility of violence at any moment. They watch what they say, who they talk to or who they contact because any incident may trigger abuse. Abusive individuals try to control their partner using abuse since they feel that without this form of control, they may leave. Among the Kisii community in East Africa, physical violence is common and accepted because the proponents believe that when a woman or child does a mistake, they deserve to be punished. However, in recent times, this notion has been challenged by the existing bodies that oppose violence against women. For example the Federation of Female Lawyers ( FIDA) in Kenya. In other communities, the women are not opposed to beatings from their husbands as it is believed to be a show of love. This is a myth and the empirical data is rather qualitative because such behavior is not coded. Domestic violence in most cases is accompanied or followed by sexual abuse because sex can be used to reinforce control and as a show of power. Forced, unsafe, degrading or unwanted sex is a form of violence as it is a violation of human rights. Forced sex even with an intimate partner with whom one has consensual sex is an act of violence because the individual can be seriously hurt or killed. Physical abuse whether in form of a small incident, infrequent or occasional slap, abuse that stop when the abused becomes passive is still abuse because there are better ways of conflict resolution. For example, a man may slap his wife out of anger for something he believes she has done. He may later apologize but a recurrence of the same matter may prompt him to hit her again; this time may be using his fist or an object. Psychological abuse is not any better than physical violence as it involves the intentional degradation of another person’s feelings of self worth as well as independence. This cause scaring that runs deep and difficult to treat as most victims do not consider it as serious as physical abuse and as a result fail to seek counseling. The victim often feels trapped with no way out of the relationship since without the abusive partner they are nothing. Abusers use finances to control their victims since in some relationships the victim is also the dependent. For example, the victim may be denied money for buying food and even asked to account for every cent used so as to reinforce the abuser’s power. In some cases, the victim is forced to stop working so as to be kept on a short leash. The development of unhealthy behaviors in an offensive affiliation escalates in frequency and intensity over time because the abuser finds it easier this way. It is up to the abuser to seek advice from a professional because he is responsible for his life. Abusers often treat their partner or spouse as they would a child or servant so as to dominate them. They “cut” their victim off from family, friends, neighbours and colleagues so as to assert their dominance. This increases dependence since the victim needs to seek permission first before doing anything or going anywhere. Intimidation tactics are commonly used so as command unquestioned obedience. For example, they may choose to threaten the victim by smashing objects or using gestures that pass the clear message of impending violence. They may go out of their way to make the victim feel inadequate and defective because this will make the victim believe that they are worthless and unwanted by anyone else. They would resolve to the use insults, public shaming and name calling so as to erode the victim’s self esteem and foster powerlessness. Abusers often blame their behavior on stress, alcohol or drug abuse, childhood experience or even the victim so as to excuse their behavior. The use of threats is not uncommon and the victim maybe afraid to leave because they are uncertain whether those close to them especially their will be safe. Abusers often use children as leverage so as to prevent the spouse from leaving. For example, they may threaten to kill the children then commit suicide when the victim wants to leave or report the matter to the authorities. Another uncanny behavior is the choice of where to hit as most violent abusers deliver blows to the areas of the body not easily seen by others (Kurst-Swanger,p.40). Abuse and violence follows a vicious cycle because of the need to repeat and get off from this aggressive behavior. For example after a violent fit, the abusive partner experiences guilt not over what they have done but because of the possibility of getting caught and the consequences of their actions. They rationalize their behavior by blaming everything and anyone else but themselves. Thereafter, they strive to make things go back to normal so as to keep their victim(s) from leaving. This tactic is never about the victim as it is a mechanism to forestall desertion. They act as if nothing happened and give an aura of peace. This pseudo- peace serves to give the victim hope that their situation may be changing and they re think leaving. The perpetrator takes time thinking and fantasizing about the next attack as this involves a lot of planning. They look for reasons to attack and plan the where and when. Then they put the plan into action by setting up the victim so as to justify the next aggression. This does not necessarily apply to all abusers especially the occasional ones because for them abuse is an innate behavior. Abuse may result in loss of livelihood because of absenteeism from work caused by illness resulting from battery and court attendance. Frequent shifting of residents may lead to impoverishment because such victims find it difficult to keep a job. There may be loss of friends and distance from family due to isolation and the victim feeling embarrassed of their situation. The church may abandon the battered women who opt out of abusive marriages because their doctrine do not support divorce under any circumstance. Domestic violence is costly as the victims may suffer mental and physical problems of the medical nature later in life. However, the emotional and psychological abuse may be far more costly to treat compared to physical injury because such scars run deep and may have lasting effects. Domestic violence affects children extensively because they may feel guilty of their inability to protect their mother. They may feel responsible for the abuse as they think their parents are fighting because of them. Children may live in constant fear of physical harm because the perpetrator(s) is a person who is supposed to love and care for them. They may be stressed because of the situation. For example they may exhibit stress by having difficulty sleeping, wetting the bed, behavioral problems, withdrawal and non existent body aches. They experience guilt for loving the abuser because they believe they should love them at the same time they are supposed to hate them. Children in violent homes may be neglected because the mother or victim struggles with her own trauma. The rate of child abuse is higher where the mother is abused because they may try to intervene and are at the vicinity. Such children may run away from home and exhibit suicidal behaviors because of the psychological trauma. The chances of such children becoming juvenile delinquents and later becoming criminals are further increased because of this psychological and physical abuse. Children who continually and frequently witness violence at home are likely to grow up thinking that it is alright to physically hurt others or to be hurt because they do not know any better. Children from abusive homes use violence to resolve conflict at school and at home since they have come to accept that that is the best way of resolving conflict. They are likely to abuse drugs and alcohol early in life because these can be used as an escape from the situation at home. Children who witness the battering of their mothers demonstrate significant behavioral and/or emotional problems because of the emotional rollercoaster experienced at home. For example children may be anxious and jumpy hence unable to complete school work. Some may resume bed wetting. Sleep disruption is also not uncommon among children from abusive homes. Boys who witness their fathers abusing their mothers are likely to inflict severe violence as adults while the girls in this situation may tolerate violence as adults more than other girls (Kurst-Swanger et.al, p.12). Abusive women are no better than their male counterparts since they can be equally destructive. Abused men are not necessarily physically weaker or smaller than their abusers but they often don’t fight back or use their size to the advantage because of the possibility of injuring their attackers coupled by ethical reasons. Male victims rarely report physical abuse because of the fear of not being believed coupled by embarrassment prevents. The traditionally assigned gender roles assigned to men also hamper reporting of violence against men since they are supposed to be “real men”. They may blame themselves for the abuse as most abusers make it clear that it is their victim’s fault. Violence against men is real and men should start taking it seriously as the number of homicides where men are the victims is on the rise. Keeping violence a secret only serves to encourage it since most men fail to report it thinking they are all alone. Restraining one self from retaliating brings with it a better feeling because the aggressor is likely to let up when they see that the victim is not fighting back. In addition, restraining oneself boosts the victims fosters a sense of responsibility as men are physically stronger than women (p. 45). When a disagreement turns confrontational, the victim should avoid moving towards other rooms or towards weapon storage areas because the abuser may easily trap them. They should however look for an easy exit so as to seek help from the neighbors or passersby. For example, when in an abusive relationship, one should identify a route that is the quickest way out beforehand so as to facilitate escape with no or minimal injury. They should pack a bag with essentials and hide it in an easily accessible area so as to aid quick escape. It is important to inform the neighbor, explaining that their spouse tends to be abusive so that they can call the police when there is a disturbance. They should identify a place of safety and refuge beforehand so as to avoid last minute panic and being stuck. In case of abuse, the victim should report and to the authorities and keep any documents because the police and courts will require these when filing a report and making their case. It is advisable to seek medical attention because the situation may be worse than it looks. At the medical facility, they need to have the injuries photographed and documented. Need for a safety plan which serve the purpose of protecting the possible victim and the children and help them escape from an abusive situation quickly. Thereafter, one should file for an order which will protect them from the abuser. Conclusion Domestic violence is an indication of a dysfunctional relationship because all avenues of communication have grinded to a halt. One party is unable to deal with relational stresses and therefore resolve to brute force. It is advisable to speak up when one suspects there may be domestic abuse or violence as this may save a life. It is important to reassure the victim because they need a support system to help them cope after the marriage. Admitting that one has a problem and seeking professional help is the first step in leading a healthy life because counseling offered by professionals is effective. Work Cited Kurst-Swanger, Karel, and Jacqueline L. Petcosky.Violence in the Home: Multidisciplinary Perspectives. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2003. Print. Read More