Qualities of Successful Marriages - Personal Statement Example

Companionship I learned to be a good companion from growing up in a family that made a real effort to spend quality time together. Girls and boys tend to have different interests. In my family we still always did things together and provided one another with company. My mom and I would go with my dad to cheer my brother on when he played baseball as a kid. My dad and brother would go with my mom to watch my ballet recitals with the other 5 year-old ballerinas. This companionship probably even goes back to before my brother and I were born. My mom is Hispanic and my dad is white, so there are certainly cultural differences between them. But they have become the best of companions while respecting and incorporating each other's differences. What I learned from my family's positive example has translated into my relationships with friends and boyfriends. I try to keep an open mind so that I can enjoy what they enjoy and really be part of their life. During my early teenage years I went through a phase of thinking that I needed to have as many friends as possible to seem "popular." This led me to choose quantity over quality and although I became "friends" with more people, the depth of each friendship became less and less. I could tell what was happening because I barely spent time with the close friends I had before. I went back to the way I was before, because being a really good companion felt better than being a companion to lots of people. This is a lesson that I hope to remember throughout my life so that all of my relationships with people are deep and meaningful. Honesty/Trust One of my first major relationships was not a very honest one. I cheated on him a lot, and lied about it. But I think I may have been hurting myself more than I was hurting him. The complications of that relationship have created problems in more recent relationships. Because I cheated on someone and he didn't know about it for such a long time, I started to think about the possibility and likelihood of it happening to me. My own actions have led me to paranoia and an inability to trust trustworthy people. Every time a boyfriend tells me about his day, I find myself questioning the reality of his story. I have noticed this in other Hispanic girls and think it may be true of me also that my parents are very overprotective of me when it comes to boys. This has led me to lie to my parents on more than one occasion about where I am and who I'm with. The lies I used to tell my parents led to a lot of hurt, both on their side and mine. What I have taken from my past is a stronger personal adherence to honesty. I have experienced first-hand the bad things that come from dishonesty and now know how important it is to be honest. I still have trouble trusting people who have done nothing bad to earn my distrust, so there is certainly room to grow. I think that as I continue being honest and surrounding myself in positive, honest relationships, I will regain my trust in other people. Responsibility Because my parents were so overprotective of me, I was always trying to prove to them and myself that I was independent. This need for independence led me to do responsible things. I started taking care of younger children as a babysitter when I was only thirteen, and got a "real job" when I was old enough. I was always on time to work and never missed a day. This responsibility was also reflected in school, as I always did my homework and made good grades. I reached a rebellious point in my life (perhaps because now my parents expected me to be responsible and I always wanted to disprove them) and I started to disregard my schoolwork and job commitments. I quickly realized that my irresponsibility had no positive benefits and only made me feel bad about myself, so my rebellious phase was short-lived. I also think that my job as a babysitter helped me know what it was like to be responsible for other people. As a youngest child, I never had any younger siblings to take care of and be responsible for. I was always the one that other people had to take care of and be responsible for. My experience as a youngest child may have led me to an expectation for boyfriends to constantly take care of me and cater to my needs. Fortunately, my experience as a babysitter helped me learn how to take care of other people rather than to just be taken care of. Some day I hope to start a family of my own. I don't think I've learned everything I need to know about being responsible already, but I'm glad I have some background experience. When I have my own family I will probably learn more about responsibility than I ever could have imagined there was to learn. Commitment I have been a bit of a perfectionist for as long as I can remember. With this perfectionism came a fear of beginning things that I wasn't sure I could finish (or do well). There also came a tendency to abandon or give up on things that I felt I wasn't doing right. While these habits generally translated to arts and crafts projects or homework when I was just a child, they have also carried into my interpersonal relationships as a young adult. I have tended to abstain from potential relationships that don't seem like ones I can commit to. But I have also tended to end friendships and break up with boyfriends over insignificant imperfections. In more recent years I have been working on being more committed in relationships, but there is still room to grow. I know that a stronger focus on commitment will help me be happy with a life partner someday, and that my relationship will be able to transcend any minor problems we may face. Unselfishness My memories as a child lead me to believe that I may have been a bit selfish, and certainly a bit spoiled. I recall giving my mother such a hard time because I wanted the newest beanie babies that had just been released - she ended up caving in, and driving through sleet and snow to cater to my needs, even though it was hazardous to drive in those conditions. (This is only one example, out of many.) Part of the reason I was so selfish and spoiled as a child is probably related to the fact that I was the youngest and only female child. My parents treated me like a princess - and as they continued to buy me things I wanted, my expectations rose as to what I thought I deserved for me, me, me. In recent years as I have grown up and become more mature, I have become more aware to some of the unfortunate circumstances of other people both around the world and in the United States. As I repeatedly voiced my empathetic concern for other people, my parents urged me to get involved in the community and engage in a number of service projects. I have done things like help cook and serve meals for the homeless and help plan and carry out a school supplies drive for kids from underprivileged families. The community service I have participated in has been a great service to people in need, but it has also done a lot for my personal growth as an unselfish person. It is probably no coincidence that nowadays, I enjoy giving presents to friends and loved ones much more than I enjoy getting presents. Adaptability/Flexibility My family has moved five times. Five times I had to pack up all of my stuff, say goodbye to my old school and friends, and start anew. One time I even had to switch schools in the middle of the school year, which meant that everyone already had gotten used to their teachers and classmates except for me. The first couple of moves were difficult to adjust to, but then I started to get used to adapting to my new environments. I even started to enjoy it. My ability and passion for adapting to new things has led me to a passion for traveling. I love being exposed to new places and new people and trying out their way of life rather than being stubborn and stuck in my own ways. I feel that this ability to adapt and be flexible really helps me get along with people. But it also may be having some negative consequences. Nowadays, after I've been living in the same place for more than a couple of years, I start to get antsy and feel like it's time to move again and start again somewhere new. It's the same in my relationships; I've been in relationships that have lasted well over a year and I just got tired of them and decided it was time for something new. I think that I can solve this problem in the future. Perhaps the way to fix it is by sharing new experiences with the same, old person. Affection Since the time I was a little girl taking care of my baby dolls, I have always been an affectionate person. I think my parents encouraged me to be more affectionate than my brother, because it's a typical gender association. When my parents had friends or relatives come to our house, I would give them hugs to greet them and my brother would just shake their hands. In my early years as a teenager and when I started having crushes on boys, I was always very affectionate, even just in thinking about boys I liked. If I had a picture of them or had written their name on something I would squeeze and hug it, and even give it a kiss, just imagining how nice it would be to be affectionate with the boy of my dreams. Even though I have always been very affectionate, I have noticed one problem. The problem is that I am more affectionate at the beginning of relationships than as time progresses. Maybe it just starts to get less of that "new and exciting" feeling or maybe I actually start to take boyfriends for granted. Whatever it is, it's definitely something I need to keep my eye on and work on. Communication Like my father, I have always tended to be introverted. I think more than I talk; I try to solve problems in my own mind before telling people what's wrong. I can express myself in writing because I can think about the words I want to use, but when it comes to speaking I am less comfortable. While writing notes to my boyfriend may have been an acceptable form of communication back in middle school, I realize that I am expected to use verbal communication as a mature young adult. I am not proud that in high school I was still resorting to leaving voicemails over the phone to break up with guys, instead of talking to them in person. Sometimes friends or boyfriends have done something that has bothered me in some way. One example is when my boyfriend took me to hang out with some mutual friends and his ex-girlfriend happened to be there. He knew she was going to be there, and he knew it might make me uncomfortable, but he didn't even tell me beforehand. Boyfriends ask me what's wrong, because they can tell I'm acting funny, but I just tell them nothing is wrong because I am afraid of conflict. While a lack of communication can be used in this way to avoid conflict, it also does not solve the problem. I am beginning to learn not be afraid of speaking up, because even though it may cause a small argument, conditions improve just by talking. And I have always been good at listening. Ability to Handle Stress As a female, my family always used to accept when I would cry in a stressful situation, and they would comfort me. (This would be different for my brother, as a male, because boys tend to be told not to cry and to hold their emotions back.) Some people might think that breaking down and crying shows a lack of ability to handle stress, but I think it is just one way to cope with stress. Five minutes of tears and I feel better. That's certainly better than an hour or more of repressed stress. I do get stressed out pretty easily, though. I have noticed my mom seem anxious or stressed about things that aren't necessarily bad (such as getting ready to go on a family trip) so maybe I get it from her by means of genetics or social learning. The matter is that I think I need to be careful about what I get stressed out about, because my stress can cause other people stress. While crying helps me, in certain situations it has made my boyfriend upset to see me cry. This is definitely something I should try to be conscious of in the future. Values As my parents raised me, they instilled in me their values. When I was young I never really questioned these values, and just assumed them to be true. But everybody has their own values, and many of them are very different - so who is right Recently as I have gained empathy for other people in different situations by being involved in community service, I have started to realize that there is no absolute right and wrong. Everyone's values can be perceived as right. I mean, some values can lead people to do things that other people consider bad - but it's all a matter of perception. Because of my open-mindedness to differing values, I have had relationships with people who have different values than me. I enjoy being around people I can learn from. But I have encountered problems in long-term romantic relationships. What at first seem like interesting, new values can sometimes end up being things that I don't want to make part of my long-term life. While I am willing to compromise on some values, it is probably best to find a life partner with values similar to mine. Read More