Living Together or Getting Married - Research Paper Example

of Living Together Vs Getting Married Introduction Looking at the moral ethics aroundthe world, it is obvious that a lot has changed as some few decades ago it would be a very big scandal for unmarried individuals to be living together. Currently, most couples who get married allege to have been living together first official marriage. In developed countries like the US and UK, the rate at which cohabiting is increasing is quite alarming and in UK the number is expected to be double the current figure by the year 2021 as this has been extensively accepted as parenting and partnering means disregarding whether is considered as an alternative means of marriage or prelude. Reasons for Cohabiting People have been cohabiting for different reasons. Many young adults are adopting this phenomenon because the rate of divorce has increased considerably and this has been cited as the major factor encouraging staying together rather than marrying (Barlow et al 2001). It's quite obvious that young people in the current generation see this as a way of achieving the benefits of marriage while at the same time evading the risk of divorce. Finances are the main cause of fights in married couples as cited by many researchers. When couples live together as in cohabiting, they get a chance to learn more about the spending habits of their partners as they share expenses and meet other obligations together. In this way, they can assess if their partner is really the type of a person who can handle marriage issues plus when people cohabit and things do not work out their way, they are not legally obliged to each other and do not have to seek religious authorization to break up their relationship (Hamilton 2005). Young people see this as a simple way for testing out whether a relationship would work or not. Just like the way it happens in colleges when you stay with your roommates and get to know their true character, living together allows the couple to get well acquainted with each others habits and behaviors and observe the way they operate in their daily life (Barlow et al 2001). Living together gives people who love each other more opportunities to experience and share their intimacy in terms of sex and emotional relationship without necessarily being married. Cohabiting is basically a trial to marriage and it's less complicated when dissolving it after failing as the couple does not incur unnecessary loss of finances like welfare, alimony or pension making the break less messy on the other hand if it works, the two can get married (Leadership U1999). Cohabiting before Marriage is Beneficial Most of the people in intimate relationships are using this method as the best measure to find out the character of their partners. Definitely in people from the past generations were to be asked, they would disregard of this as "shacking up" (Hamilton 2005). When dating, the other partner can display very decent character traits because the courtship may be defined by short visits now and then and this cannot bring out the true self of a person as incase they become angry every person goes his/her way to cool off and may apologizes later then fall back together. This is no big deal compared to living together, people tend to uncover their true being when staying together and you can be able to understand how they handle conflicts and most likely this may not be pretty. If one cannot handle this, what can happen when married Cohabiting exposes such habits and one may be able to find a way to make it work or walk away (Barlow et al 2001). Apart from anger management, another issue is cleanliness and individual hygiene; some people can appear to be very clean and smart but their houses looks like garbage dump. There are other things that one finds out from living together though some may be considered petty for instance snoring very loudly at night or talking in their sleep even sleep walking. Some people usually don't change their habits and this will start revealing sooner or later especially when the person is playing the dating game. Some men are womanizers but play their game very well that it's not easy to discover until one gets to live with them(Leadership U1999). Giving the so much trust can get their partner arguing within themselves that actually he can't be that way. Another personality trait to watch is mood swing which can be very serious. That person you always dreamt of spending the rest of you life with thinking that was the sweetest thing that ever happened to you might turn to be a devil. Spending a lot of time together will get to expose more than enough information about the other partner than when you only come around to visit occasionally (Leadership U1999) Cost sharing is one of the issues than come up when people live together. The couple can pool together resources and meet the expenses making the burden bearable. Couples living together should develop financial relationship as well and if one partner is so secretive, stingy, a miser and means then he or she may not be able to sustain a relationship or is not be ready to get married. Trust must develop and the assurance that the couple will meet their financial obligations is a positive sign for a successful relationship (Hamilton 2005). Learning about morals and values is inherent as ones beliefs, values and norms may not me the same as the partner's. The way we view the world may not be similar and it's very necessary that one appreciates differences and involve in positive competition. One cannot clearly get these differences unless he or she is living together with the partner. If the difference affect the relationships safety, wellbeing or makes the couple very uncomfortable, then they can find a solution like "drawing the line", compromising or parting ways (Leadership U1999). For instance having children when the other partner does not wasn't to; or staying at a hotel room while the other partner thinks it's immoral. Many people have spent a lot of time making desperate efforts to make their marriage work causing themselves a lot of heartache and pain for something that was never meant to work when they could have tested the waters first before making lifetime commitments, investing in money, time and emotionally. Any warning signs should be noted as this could indicate that there may never be any compatibility upfront in future. Living Together Before Marriage is Incorrect Some people believe that cohabiting is unethical and that the sanctity of marriage has to be respected. The current generation does not give marriage the seriousness it deserves and most individuals work on the principle or "take it or leave it" where people break up immediately when they perceive that they have fallen out of love. The Health statistics from the National Center issued a report revealing that over 43% of the first time marriages have ended up in separation in less than fifteen years (Haskey 1995). Cohabiting has spoilt the moral concept of submissiveness and loyalty to the marriage which is a very important institution. Generally loyalty is profound but lacking conception in the current generation, people are getting into relationships and the way they date is that which lacks mutual respect but rather rely on blackmail or the relationships are operated as contractual (Haskey 1995). Cohabiting in the name of testing the waters is unethical because the parties involved should be taken seriously when they make decision to get married and no "test drives" as morally marriage is supposed to be a covenant; founded on unconditional love. In the social perspective, many studies have indicated that living together before marriage is not beneficial as perceived. In spite of what the younger generation wants to be done, research by Columbia has indicated that a mere 19 percent of men and 26 percent of the women studied ultimately got married to the partners they were cohabiting with. It is estimated that most of the people who start living together before taking the marriage vows never make the decision to do so even those who do it eventually do it, have higher rates of divorce than those who never cohabited before (Leadership U1999). The survey conducted that was conducted by the national Survey of families released a report which claimed that marriages which begin by cohabiting were twice as much likely to break up in less than 10 years than first marriages. Generally one can conclude that if cohabiting was a good test drive or a better test for waters, then it is expected that the marriages resulting from cohabiting should be divorce free. Should People Live Together Before Marriage or Just Get Married Its intuitive common sense and it makes quite logical judgment to test the waters first before going deep into it or taking a test drive before real driving. However as the old adage goes nanny cannot completely realize and comprehend parenthood until she gets her own child, one would not realize and comprehend marriage unless he or she is really married. Marriage should not be taken as an act of convenience, a legislation that can ultimately be renounced or amended or a justification for a fancy social congregation. (Haskey 1995), Marriage is an institution not for the individuals who fear vulnerability; rather it's for the brave couples who are ready to commit and do anything that most people often conjure. regardless of the unhappy times and the ugly events that will certainly ensue, the people who want to get married have to remain dedicated to their vows as the oath is supposed to be embodied by truthfulness and mutual faithfulness as this is what is called precious love on which intimate relationship especially marriage should be founded on(Haskey 1995). Conclusion Generally the marriage institution improves the social wellbeing and it's the highest form of fellowship, which can afford a strong base on which all the best achievements in life can be attained. Though people's perception of marriage is changing considerably with many preferring cohabiting, practical evidence, and the wisdom of time assert that marriage institution will continue being the keystone of a flourishing society. References Barlow, A., Duncan, S., James, G. & Park, A. (2001) Just A Piece of Paper Marriage and Cohabitation. In British Social Attitudes. Public Policy, Social Ties. The 18th Report; 2001-2002 Edition. SAGE London Haskey, J. (1995), "Trends in Marriage and Cohabitation. The Decline in Marriage and the Changing Pattern of Living in Partnerships". Population Trends Vol. 80, pp 421-429. Hamilton G. (2005). "Trial Run Do Not Bode Well For Marriage" Harbor City Star, Retrieved 27th March 2009 from Axia College Resource Proquest pp A27 Leadership U. (1999). "Sociological Reasons Not To Live Together From All about Cohabiting Before Marriage" Retrieved 27th March 2009 from Http://Www.Leaderu.Com/Critical/Cohabitation-Socio.Html Read More