Influence of Self-Experiences on Dealings of Counselor - Essay Example

Self-experiences influence the dealings of a Counselor YOUR Fear and sorrow, not always get washed away completely. The stains of sorrow, which are experienced in the childhood, and adolescence often affect a person's thinking. In my childhood, I had one such experience that constituted the fear I had of a teacher in school. She was a very strict lady and as per my understanding she was more so with me. May be because I could not even concentrate in her class and therefore was always inattentive, the reason for which was the fear that made me dependent more on thoughts of scolding rather than on studies. This is the reason when I met one of my clients with a similar problem, I could understand with greater depth the reason for the occurrence of sorrow. My client had a problem with her life partner. He was strict, bold and very much inclined to hurting with thoughts and actions. Just like my teacher could make be lose self-confidence in myself, the client's life-partner could severally disrupt her self-confidence. I had a special sympathy for the case and a genuine interest in helping her out. This is because my own experiences have made me aware of how painful such experiences can be. I therefore held the client's case under sincere consideration and projected every possible help that I could extend. I remember when I use to be late for the class by even a fraction of a minute; I was humiliated as though I was the most disobedient and irresponsible creature on earth. She hardly considered me as a human being with feelings. The same thing was with my client, even her little delay in cooking food for her partner resulted in a very dominant and practically cruel feedback from him. I understand how bad and depressed a person can feel because of the generations of such negative feelings within the boundaries of survival. The client had suffered a lot because of health reasons. However, the greater source of sorrow for the client was the humiliations and dominant dealings of her partner. The inabilities to deal with harsh words were present in the client and were becoming a constant source of sorrow induction. I could understand the position of the client more so because I had similar experiences in my childhood and youth. Other than my strict teacher, my mother too held a very harsh way of dealing with me. The client too recollected from her past experiences the thoughts of pain, which had resulted in causing a painful presentation of life to her. It is also essential to note that the similarity in the dealings with the same source of sorrow could enable me to understand the position of the client with greater depth and clarity. A regular and continuous source of putting her down was creating tons of mental tortures, which were well understood by both the words, and the expressions of the client. She also remembered how her partner had humiliated her in front of her friends when she was stuck in the wheel chair and could not manage even slight movement because of the depression. She was not helped by her life-partner even in such a depressive position. This really brought much reason for her to weep bitterly. From this episode I remembered how my mother when once I was ill refused to even bring forth for me a glass of water for taking the medicine. In the unhealthy state of body, I tearfully gathered strength to take a glass of water for myself and take the medicine by self-effort. The disease was not so severe or chronic and therefore I was healed very soon from it. However, I can never forget what pain it is when a person is ill and is not being supported. The sorrow of pain of body seems less than the pain of not being helped by others. A continuous torture of words and actions had put me in such a phase that I could not even think of passing out my exams with good grades. There was so much of pain and torture in my life that I have no words to express the pain of my heart. The same was the condition of my client. My client had thought of studying on part time basis. This thought originated in her because she was of the opinion that deviation from the constant thoughts of torture to study material may be beneficial. However, the client was so much in the fear of failure that she could hardly think of participating in any curriculum activities. The fear of failure held such a strong presence in the life of the client because of the reason that she had been humiliated and ill-treated by her partner. In my discussions and sincere talk with the client, I recollected several of the episodes of my own life and this made it possible for me to understand the position and state of the client with greater clarity and attention. I therefore think, that it is essential for the counselor to have experience, which is also similar to some extent to the client's position. Since this helps in realizing the feelings being generated in the situations presented. I would also like to mention here the words of Indian saint Meera, who once said that only a person who is suffering or has suffered from the same ailment can understand the condition of the person who is ill. Thus, self-experience of the similar sorrow as that of client can certainly help realize better the pain faced and the tortures held within. It is now essential to throw light on the second client. She too presented with an emotional need of understanding her problem. She was suffering from great depression because of the fact that most of the work which was undertaken by her in near past was an utter failure. She failed to succeed or even show an average response in several of the places and phases where expectations otherwise were strong. She had started to believe somewhere within that she was good for nothing. I recollected my own experience with life at this point of time. It was when I was a school student and because of the tough dealing of my mother and one of my teachers, I had started to believe that I was good for nothing. I was sad during that phase of my life and was full of frustration. This was the period when I was unable to gain even average score in the examinations then conducted. The failure to achieve good grades became the cause of my sorrow. And sorrow somehow became the cause of achieving bad grades. There was so much of pain and anguish. The same or say similar was the condition of the second client as well. Being passed from a similar life phase, I could better understand the need of my client and the reason for the sorrow so very genuine. My client did also speak of the manner in which she was being exploited mentally by one of the family members. Her exploitation was based on grounds of jealousy rather than hatred. It was a strange situation. She was losing confidence in her capability and was at the same time being exploited to an extent at mental level. She was sorrowful all the more because of the harsh words, which she had to listen almost daily from one of her family members. She was almost in tears when she revealed the tensions in her life. She was being dealt in a very bad manner. I really wished if she was stronger so that she could have managed to mange the challenges of her life with greater efficiency. I remembered how I was being dealt with my mother. She never loved me because of several reasons. The manner in which she dealt me was a great sorrow for me. All the more because she was my mother and therefore deep within me I had a feeling that I should be cared by her. I can understand how intense sorrow can be when the person who is a family member and the one who is being expected to be good is being harsh. For some time, I could ignore the sufferings pushed by my teacher but I could never forget the sufferings, which my mother had inflicted on me. The second client of mine repeatedly made me realize that she was not sad because she was made to suffer, she was sad because she was made to suffer form the person from whom she expected love and love alone. Thus, the expectations for being loved were not met in that corner of life where expectations for the same were intense. I therefore could understand the feelings of my client and could therefore give her the look of understanding. It is very true that some people by their behavior makes one feel as though one is a misfit in everything one thinks to do. This is all the more true in the case of harsh people who just lower the self-confidence and self-esteem of a person by speaking such ill words. The client told me that yesterday morning when she just dropped the brush with toothpaste on it on the ground, she was taken in my harsh hands. She was beaten on her back though not very harshly and was humiliated by others. She was made to feel that as if she was good for nothing and was not even capable of taking care of herself leave aside other things. This was such a big sorrow for her that she turned to crying for hours together. However, there was no one who supported her in regaining the spirit to live life. All the attempts to enable relief in a function were made by her own attempts. This all was a great sorrow. I remembered on this occasion a similar episode, which had taken place in my life. Due to confusion I had once made a mistake in the spelling of a very common word. The teacher did not try to understand my state and started to scold me badly in front of all the children in the class. For several days after that I was so depressed that I would not speak out the answer of the questions of which I was well familiar. I felt as if I was not intelligent enough to sit in the class. My self-confidence had defoliated to a great extent and I was in tears and tears alone. I therefore could understand the position of my client who too had been targeted by harsh words so as to loose self-confidence. I really wish if such people were all the less in this world. It is really hard to deal with someone who is always there to pull you down. The second client also had a recent quarrel with a friend. The reason for the quarrel was the penetration of futile comments by the family members of the client. The friend could not understand that it was not the client who was to be blamed for it. The client's family members were alone to be blamed for the misunderstanding and harsh words. However, the friend was sensitive and therefore disregarded the friendship considering the fact that the family members of the client were not respecting her. This made me realize that episode of my own life. I was once sleeping when a phone call from my friend came and my mother made my friend realize as though I was purposefully ignoring her. This resulted in a quarrel between my friend and me. The recollection and resemblance of my own problems with those of the clients made me better understand the position of the client and thereby better report and respond to the same. I think that my experiences had greatly influenced my dealing with the client and have also resulted in a more dominant projection of understanding of the situation and values. Read More