Major Issues of Deathography - Essay Example

A DEATHOGRAPHY Death is generally defined as the ending or stopping of the natural functions of any living thing (Ahmad & O'Mahony, 2005). In life, almost all things are uncertain, and they seem to somehow depend on fate or on the control of some superior power or deity (Askins & Moore, 2008). However, one thing is certain for sure, and it never fail; death (Cassel & Demel, 2001). The mention of death is considered nasty and spooky, and the fact that death, just like birth, is a natural part of life has never been fully accepted across all cultures, ages and races (Malbon, 2010). After all, it is easier to receive a hundred new beings into the society than it is to lose one. In other words, death is simply a taboo (Ekeroth, 2008). However, no matter how much the topic is avoided, everybody knows that it is an inevitable part of life, and that we shall all pass through that path and that the people we know (or don’t know) shall all pass through the same. If there was a way through which death could be stopped, people would live free of the fear of death. Unfortunately, it is not a phenomenon that one can stop or control (Mohammad, & Peter, 2010). Every person has a certain perception of death, and part of it develops from childhood while the other part develops as we grow, and it is influenced mainly by the experiences we get along the way (Parvin & Dickinson, 2010). I am no exception, and I, too, have my death and/or loss experiences in life. My experiences can be traced all the way back to when I was five years old. As usual, death is something that is not mentioned to children, and I had no experience in loss of any form (Chand, Valentini, & Kamil, 2009). However, as we played with other children, I would hear the mention of death every once in a while. I may not have known much about what this death meant or implied, but one thing that is certain is that death was hated and dreaded, no wonder children used to cry anytime they were told something like “don’t jump from that point, or don’t put your dirty fingers in your mouth, you will get sick and die.” I am a lover of cats up to date, and this liking began when I was very young. Unfortunately, my mother is a born hater of cats, and every cat we used to bring home (stray cats) with my elder sister used to be mistreated by my mother. This is because she believed that cats were animals that had no mannerisms and that caused a flare up of or allergy to fur and pollen. However, her hatred to cats did not prevent us from welcoming stray cats and caring for them as our own, and even taking turns to sleep with the cat. One of the best cats we ever owned was named Sharon by my sister and I. it was such a lovely cat which had much better mannerisms than all the other cats we had hosted, and it surprise us to see my mother come to a point where she no longer just tolerated it, but she kind of liked it. She used to give it milk and food, and this made us very happy. My elder sister was enrolled to a boarding school, and the only time she was at home was during the school holidays. I was too young to go to boarding school and this meant that I went to a day school. Therefore, Sharon was left in my care, and I was ready to do everything I would for the cat to have the best life. I used to play with it every evening after school, and I would hide some pieces of meat from my plate and give to it to eat. Sharon and I grew very fond of each other, and every night she would “sneak” into my bed and curl herself up at my feet or stomach. I wrote several letters that term to my sister to tell her about Sharon and I, and how we had missed her. One day, I came home from school and noticed one obvious thing; Sharon was not in the house, and she did not come to greet me when I arrived. I called out for her and went to look for her in the back yard, but she was no where to be found. Around two days passed without a trace of Sharon, a friend I had known for many months. I tried to be brave enough not to cry, but I was very worried about the safety of my pet cat, Sharon. On the third day, as we were in the kitchen with my mother, Sharon came in very quickly. However, she had bad scars all over her body, and it seemed as if both her eyes were blocked with pus. This was too much for me to bear, and I asked my mother to help me by explaining what would have happened to Sharon. She observed Sharon and shook her head, and said that she may have been scalded with hot liquid. I asked her many questions that could not even be answered, and I burst out crying. I quickly tore a paper from my book and started writing a teary letter to my sister; she was my only consolation at the time. I told her about all that had happened, and I told her to pray hard for Sharon. My mum would not allow Sharon to sleep in the house that day because of the nature of her wounds, so she sleeps at the backyard. The next day was on a Saturday, and that meant that I had the whole day to spend at home and with my friends playing. However, I did not feel like joining my friends before taking care of Sharon. Therefore, I went to the backyard to check on her and to giver her some comfort. She was still peacefully asleep under the pawpaw tree, and I smiled when I saw her curled up so nicely. I even thought to my self that within two days or so, she would be fully recovered. I contemplated between waking her up or leaving her to sleep to her fullest, but I thought that it was best to wake her up so that I would steal some milk for her and even apply some of my Vaseline on her wounds (Brenner, 2009: Reding, 2010). Therefore, I tiptoed to her so that I would not startle her. When I got to her, I slowly bent to touch her so that she would wake up. However, I saw something strange as I was bending to touch her; her head was tilted sideways loosely, her mouth was a little open and some blood had dried up around her nostrils and ears. I quickly touched her to wake her up, but again, she was ice cold. My heart started beating faster, and my head started spinning. While I was still in this confused state, I heard the firm but calm voice of my mother from behind me calling me. I quickly turned and embraced her, and asked her to tell me what was wrong with Sharon. She looked at her and observed her for a short while after which she shook her head sadly. “She is dead,” my mum said sadly. “What? How can she die? Cats don’t die!” were among the things I said as I sobbed loudly. The next day, my dad, my mum and I buried Sharon in a deep hole at the back yard and covered it with banana leaves and then with soil. I was too shaken to even say a word. All I did was cry and sulk. I felt cheated and angry at death. What is death? Is it a long journey that one goes? How does it come? Who brings it and why? Where does one go? Is Sharon seeing me right now wherever she is? Is she happy or did she find another owner? If she can see me, why can’t she talk to me or come back? I had hundreds of questions that were not answered (Berzoff, 2008: Schneider & Stern,1988). That sad experience became an eye opener to me, and I started noticing the occurrence of death as I watched cartoons, programs and even news. I became so conscious of death that my parents started noticing that a certain attitude had formed in me. However, as expected, the society is so resistant to death and surrounding issues, and so my parents did not talk to me about death even when they noticed the change that had occurred in me (Magner, 2007). Many years passed, and time came when I was ten years old. At that time, I was old enough to go to a boarding school, and I had been enrolled in the school where my sister was the previous year when I was nine years old. One opening day, my mum and dad took me back to school and helped me to pack my stuff in the school dormitory and they even made my bed for me. Then at round four in the evening, time came when they had to say goodbye, since they had to travel for about two and a half hours to get back home. Sadly, I released them and hugged them both. However, I hugged my dad for a very long time without letting go, and I had such a hollow feeling in my heart as I did this. Finally, I let them go and watched them drive off for a very long time, until the car disappeared in the distance. I stood there staring at nothing, when a classmate came from behind me and called out my name. “what are you staring at?” she asked me.”Nothing, no, I was staring at my mum and dad leaving, and I know I will never see my dad ever again.” The last part of the sentence shocked me and her as well, and I could explain to her or to myself why I said what I said. However, I had the feeling I had when Sharon passed away five years ago. The next week as we were in class, I started crying uncontrollably. When asked by my friends what was going on, I had no explanation, but I knew that the feeling I had when Sharon died and when saying goodbye to my parents on the opening day was back. Then, as if to confirm my fears, our class teacher came in and asked if in was in class. I raised my hand, and he just went away without saying a word. After about twenty minutes, he came back and called me outside and told me to accompany me to the principal’s office. At the reception, I found two of my aunties there, and every fear I had was confirmed. I greeted them quietly and went into the principal’s office. “Morning,” she said,” your dad is sick in hospital, and you need to go and visit him. But do not worry; he is not so badly off. When would you like to…” I cut her short at that point and told her, “Stop lying to me madam, I know my father is dead.” And with that, I left the office quickly and asked my aunties to take me home. When we got home, I noticed that the compound was full of cars and many people. On entering the compound, the first person I saw was my mum; she had grown so thin and pale, and her eyes were swollen. I hugged her, and told her that all would be well even though my dad was dead. These words shocked everyone, and they wondered how such a child would know death so well and speak about it openly. Through out the mourning time, I stayed close to my mother and even comforted her, much to the shock of all the people who were at home. The day of the burial was the worst for me, because I had to view the body of my dad and stare at his coffin. I was just told that he had been beaten up by bad thugs when he went to answer a neighbour’s distress call at night, and the beating gave him serous head wounds; it was severe haemorrhage that caused his demise.” I fainted twice that day, and the second time, I almost fell into the grave. The death of Sharon and then my dad really changed my childhood and corrupted my innocence. What affected me most is how the society dealt with death especially towards children. I started wishing they spoke freely about it and embraced it as part of life. However, with time, I embraced my losses and understood that life had to move on despite all things. In the society, people don’t know how or what to speak about death and what to say to those experiencing loss (Longaker, 1998). The pain of the loss or grief is not given room to be expressed freely, and many people choose to be quiet on the topic. The psychology of death and the society is still a hard topic to tackle, especially where children are involved in the whole scenario (Aubrey, & de Grey, 2007). Childhood development is very sensitive, and there must be a better way of protecting the delicate children as they grow in a world where death is part of life itself. References Ahmad, S., & O'Mahony, MS. (2005). Where older people die: a retrospective population-based study. QJM, 98 (12): 865–70. Askins, M., & Moore, B. (2008). Psychosocial support of the paediatric cancer patient: Lessons learned over the past 50 years. Current Oncology Reports, 10(6), 469-476 Aubrey D.N.J., & de Grey (2007). Life Span Extension Research and Public Debate: Societal Considerations. Studies in Ethics, Law, and Technology, 1 (5). Berzoff, J. (2008).Working at the End of Life: Providing Clinically Based Psychosocial Care. Clinical Social Work Journal, 36(2), 177-184 Brenner, A. (2009). The Sociology of Birth and Death - course syllabus. American University. College of Arts and Sciences; Department of Sociology. Cassel, CK., & Demel, B. (2001). Remembering death: public policy in the USA. J R Soc Med, 94(9): 433–6. Chand, D., Valentini, C., & Kamil, E. (2009). Haemodialysis vascular access options in paediatrics: considerations for patients and practitioners. Pediatric Nephrology, 24(6), 1121-1128 Ekeroth, D. (2008). Swedish Death Metal. London: Bazillion Points Books Longaker, C. (1998). Facing death and finding hope: a guide to the emotional and spiritual care of the dying. California: Doubleday Magner, J. (2007). Spite the Devil. London: Trafford Publishing Malbon, S. (2010). Death and Life: Or, Sin's Life the Sinner's Death; Sin's Death, the Saint's Life. Being the Sum of Eight Sermons on Romans Viii. 13. New York: BiblioBazaar Mohammad, S., & Peter, G. (2010). Concepts of Death: A key to our adjustment. Illness, Crisis and Loss, vol. 18, No 1 Parvin, K., & Dickinson, G. (2010). End-of-Life Issues in US Child Life Specialist Programs. Child and Youth Care Forum, 39(1), 1-9 Reding, N. (2010). Methland: The Death and Life of an American Small Town. New York: Bloomsbury USA. Schneider, M., & Stern,I. (1988). Modern Spanish and Portuguese literatures. Michigan: Continuum Read More