Womens Psychology and Sexuality - Essay Example

Women’s Psychology and Sexuality: Living through Abuse Introduction A woman’s integrity is one of the greatest assets for a woman which should never be compromised upon. A toxic, abusive relationship is one of the biggest threats to this asset. Sometimes, the woman does not recognize that the relationship is threatening her integrity, and so, she chooses to live with the toxicity her relationship is bringing to her. Sometimes, she has no choice than to accept the toxic relationship due to a myriad of reasons. At other times, she musters up her courage to break the abusive bond and choose a better life that is beneficial for the whole family. No matter what choice she makes, the abusive relationship always harms her self-esteem, self-confidence, integrity, self-respect, and self-worth. It breaks her both internally and externally. The children are the second most important stakeholders of such a relationship between their parents in which there is no love, care and respect. They grow up to be persons who have no sense of respect. Hence, surviving and escaping a toxic relationship is a very intense topic in the field of female psychology. How a woman can regain her internal sense of self-worth has always been discussed by scholars and psychologists. This paper reflects on what a toxic relationship is; what makes a woman stay in the toxic relationship; and, what she can do to come out of the toxic bond and save her internal peace for the betterment for the whole family. Aspects of a Toxic Relationship To understand what a toxic relationship is, it is important to understand what domestic abuse means. Domestic or spousal abuse is defined as the abuse in which one spouse makes the other spouse undergo physical or mental exploitation so that he can prove his power and supremacy. This physical and mental exploitation is what makes up a toxic or an abusive relationship. Toxin is something that is harmful or dangerous for the well-being of an individual. It is often hard for the women to end such toxic relationship because they are the weaker sex. The abusive husband maltreats the wife to satisfy his pride, and also acts loving at times to keep the woman stay in the relationship because the latter may think that the husband has improved although it does not happen, and hatred and rebellion develops within her. Domestic violence resulting in an abusive relationship is a social crime because it leads to severe mental problems and psychological breakdowns due to which the victimized woman is often considered as an abnormal person. When husbands physically or mentally abuse their wives, the latter develop such mental problems and anxiety disorders that lead them to kill their husbands in many cases so that they can get rid of them and their abuse once and for all. Narcissism is one good example of an ingredient of a toxic relationship. A narcissist is a person who thinks that the world revolves around him, and considers all the other people as garbage. A narcissist makes up the most toxic relationship of all, because he thinks of his wife as an inferior person who has no value whatsoever. In her play “Trifles”, Susan Glaspell (2010) has described abusive nature as masculine traits and observant nature as female traits. She tried to show to the readers how men treat the female gender. Men consider them as inferior beings who fuss over little and unimportant details. They abuse them to show off their supremacy. Staying in a Toxic Relationship There are a myriad of reasons why a woman may want to stay in a toxic or abusive relationship, no matter how much she may be suffering at the hands of her spouse. The biggest factor is children. If the woman is a mother, it is very hard for her to leave her husband because of social and financial reasons. Children suffer a lot if the woman goes for a divorce. Kendall-Tackett (2013) explains it well when he describes how trauma affects children (p.12). According to him, “the impact of stressful and traumatic events is greater for children and adolescents that it is for adults” (Tackett, 2013, p.12). Children are the ones who suffer the most when their parents are having clashes with one another. They adopt many negative behavioral patterns, which might not show at the moment, but are very powerful and get expressed when they grow up into teenage and older adults. Parents start their new lives, but the lives of children get shattered because they have to live with one of the two parents, due to which they become deprived of the love of the other parent. This makes them under confident and frustrated, and they grow up into disturbed individuals. They do not understand the concept of parents parting each other. They may finally adapt to the situation, but they become vulnerable and feel deprived. School age children may feel very miserable, scared, timid, helpless, and deserted, when one of the two parents is not around. Adolescents show severer reactions through anger and aggression. They may even become involved in sex and drugs. Hence, a woman has to think about her children before she thinks of ending her toxic relationship with her husband. For a woman, her children are the greatest asset of life. Breaking the relationship may be good for her, but may be harmful for the young souls. Hence, a woman has to take each step with great care and consideration. There are a myriad of other reasons why a woman may not leave a bad relationship immediately. She may not be financially strong enough to support herself financially. She may be undereducated or not able to work at all. In eastern societies, divorced women might go to their parents’ house and live with their siblings, which is also very hard for them as they are thought of as a burden. In western countries, there is no concept of joint family system, and hence, the divorced women have no other option to go out and find a job for themselves. If they stay unemployed, their survival becomes difficult. Moreover, women may also want to continue their relationship for the sake of love she once had for the guys they married. Women are generally more sentimental and emotional than their counterparts; and hence, they wait for that spark of love to come back in their lives which was there in the start of the bond. Also, since women are understood as the more patient gender with more perseverance and commitment to their relationship, these qualities makes it hard for them to decide whether they should end the toxic relationship or not. Society is not that harsh and blunt to divorced men as it is to divorced women. It stereotypes such women who dare to break the toxic relationship. This makes it hard for those women to survive as respectable citizens of the society. They are discriminated against at manifold levels and areas of personal and professional lives. So, keeping in view these problems, women may decide to continue the abusive relationship. Breaking the Toxic Bond Herman (1997), in his book, “Trauma and Recovery”, has mentioned how important it is for individuals to maintain their strength in and after trauma in order to seek recovery. Similarly, it is very interesting to explore the different ways women can empower themselves and find their identities so that they may be able to come out of their toxic relationships. First of all, they must be able to recognize whether they are in a toxic relationship or not. They must be able to feel the difference between a loving gesture and an abusive gesture. Many a times, it so happens that they do not realize that they are in a toxic relationship, may be because they were brought up by unloving parents; and so, they do not actually know what real love is. It is important for them to understand that they are not born to live with any kind of verbal, physical or psychological abuse. When they accept this fact, then that is the start of the change that they can bring into their lives by way of strong determination. This is the start of self-therapy, as asserted by Miller (1997) in her book. She states that we should start treating our children kindly as they grow up to be citizens behaving the same way as they were treated in childhood. Abuse brings harm to children, and sometimes they get in the habit of accepting abuse and start taking it as normal. The tale of Sykes and Delia in Zora Neale Hurston’s (1997) short story, “Sweat”, throws light upon their abusive relationship and the rebellion that finally makes Delia assert herself. The story portrays the fact how hatred keeps Delia from helping her husband out of his agony, and she prefers to see him die in front of her eyes. This shows how severe the mental agony was that Delia was going through because of long time physical abuse. The story highlights the fact that women must realize that they are the same kind of respectable citizens as their husbands, and that they have the same kind of rights over their husbands. In many societies, it is considered as unnatural for women to demand any kind of rights. They are made to work all day long and not given even a word of appreciation. If women want to live with this kind of life, then there is nobody who can help them. Hence, the first and the foremost step for the women to change their lives is to actually understand their worth and value. Stearns (2010) asserts that it is very important for people to change their worst times into better times. She states in her book with the help of a myriad of real time interviews and personal experiences that only those people find success in life who are able to rebuild their lives and their inner selves after experiencing loss and adversity. Women must take advice from this, and must make sure that their journey of survival against abuse should bring harmony and peace into their lives. Success always meets those who can see hope amidst misery. For example, in “Hope’s Boy” by Bridge (2008), there is description of this boy who gets admitted in foster care and spends some of his worst years there. But, when he comes out, he sees hope and works hard toward becoming an advocate for other children in the foster care system. Women must be aware that losing hope will take them nowhere. They should always grasp the light of hope with tight hands, no matter what circumstances they are going through. With the use of self-therapeutic approaches, they can turn their misery into happiness. Women must be able to fight for their rights, and must be able to realize that they do not have to fall prey to the toxic bond that is bringing them down. Henrik Ibsen’s (2009) “A Doll’s House” is a true depiction of femininity and women empowerment. Through his play, Ibsen encouraged people to stand up for their rights, against those who did not deserve to be done good to. For him, it was a matter of human rights, and not of women rights. He used female characters to express how humanity was being repressed, because normally women are the repressed ones in our society. Conclusion To conclude, it is very important for a woman to recognize her worth and make effort to escape the toxicity that has been inculcated in her relationship. Once she realizes that the relationship is not healthy enough to boost her self-esteem, she may choose either to live with it or change the whole scenario. The choice is hers depending upon the circumstances she is living in. To live with an abusive person is a much harder deal than to live alone, so a woman must take steps to bring an end to abuse once and for all. It is the responsibility of all individuals to respect women, and of mothers to teach their sons how to deal with women. This is the only way we, as humans, can open avenues of happiness for us and for those around us. References Bridge, A. (2008). Hope’s boy. New York, NY: Hyperion. Glaspell, S. (2010). Trifles. New York, NY: Bakers Plays. Herman, J.L. (1997). Trauma and recovery. New York, NY: BasicBooks. Hurston, Z.N. (1997). Sweat. New Brunswick, NJ: Rutgers University Press. Ibsen, H. (2009). A doll’s house. Rockville, MD: Arc Manor LLC. Kendall-Tackett, K.A. (2013). Handbook of women, stress and trauma. New York, NY: Routledge. Miller, A. (1997). The drama of the gifted child: The search for the true self. New York, NY: Basic Books. Stearns, A. K. (2010). Living through personal crisis. Enumclaw, WA: Idyll Arbor. Read More