My Natural Helping Style - Essay Example

My Natural Helping Style Name Institution Date Introduction Part 1 Having to share my troubles with another person is something I prefer to do as I find it helps shake away the tension within me and I believe in the saying that a problem shared is a problem half solved.Sharing my side of the story really helped me put so many things in perspective as well as gave me a chance to appreciate what I have in my life. Because of fear of making the wrong decisions that might end up hurting other people I prefer to share my opinions and ideas with another person so as to get their perspective on the matter. Talking to another person also helps me convince myself of the choices am about to make because the talk will be like a case of trying to justify my decisions. During the talking session with my friend, I realized that I had made a choice but although it did not feel right I tried to explain it to him to see if he will share the same opinion as I do and whether my reasons for making the choice were justified. I felt like I was trying to get my partner to empathize with the situations that I was putting up with. There were moments during the talk that I felt my partner could connect with my situation given the many situations we had in common such as being from different regions and of the same religion. Therefore it was easier for him to relate to some of the situations I was going through because we shared many common practices because of the religion we belonged to and that fact made me feel more at ease to share and feel like my reasons were justified. However, there were moments I felt like my partner did not share the same views as I had especially with regards to my behavior and it made me feel uneasy and it made my guilt escalate even further. When he did not agree with my choices I took my time to listen to his point of view and see what he will have done were he in my shoes. I found myself in agreement with most of his opinions although some of his opinions made me feel worse than I already was and sometimes I felt like explaining different scenarios for him to understand my point of view. During the session it felt necessary to justify my thoughts and actions and sometimes even to the extent of using examples from other members of my family, like using the experiences of my mother, sister and even other relatives in other regions. The session was relevant as it helped me put my feelings in perspective. The mixture of emotions was making me behave in an irrational manner and therefore the talk and the opinions of my partner helped me view the situation with more clarity and at a calmer state of mind. The talk session helped me to look at the situation from my perspective alone but also look at the other part of the problem. I did not find solutions to the problem but the talked helped me realize that not all was lost and there was still a chance to make things right. I felt empowered to make a stand and not ignore the problem at hand but it opened my eyes to understand that the problem might be both ways and challenged me to be more empathetic. My personality featuresthat came out strongly and how they relate to my enneagram External behavior; it is evident that I am an intolerable and impatient person but my family is a dear issue to. Me: …um she (grandmother) would like always ask …um is it time to pray this prayer Helper: and she like is obvious or was she just asking you? Me: I was very nice and would look at the time and uh yeah it’s not …………..it reached a point I asked her you should stop asking me cause you are pissing me off…. Underlying attitudes; there are definitely underlying issues brought about with the distance from his other family members and lack of continuous practice of my religion. I have little knowledge of my grandmother and how she raised her children and why they are different and similar in equal measure. I also have issues with members of my mother’s family finding their relationships queer and troublesome unlike the relationships in my father’s side. The talk has also revealed how much I take for granted the time we are given to spend with over loved ones given the willingness I had over the departure of my grandmother. Me: ……for her someone healthy means someone fat Helper: someone chubby I think? Me: yeah someone chubby, because she comes from a different culture different society….. One’s characteristic sense of self; the talk revealed how little knowledge of myself I possessed. I learnt that I can be so insensitive to other people; however, it is good to learn more about oneself from the perspective of other people. I keep a lot of things to myself and when it reaches a point that I cannot put up with it any more I ask for my mother’s intervention or else I may snap at my offender. To keep myself from more trouble I prefer to keep my distance from people I clash with, although I have come to learn that it does solve the situation but instead the tension grows even thicker. Me: if anything like that happens in my family and I’ve had some issues with my uncle and I’ve told my mum like I wanted to keep that space………and she was like he isn’t….. Helper: and that’s her son? It seems that I may be a little possessive with what I consider mine although I would like to think that I can share upto a certain extent.It seems that I pay much attention to the negative traits in people than the positive traits. By breaking the barriers between me and my grandmother among other relatives it will open opportunities to a greater relationship with them. Part 2 During the session with my partner, where I was the helper there are many things that I was able to learn about myself and my natural self when I am the one helping the other party. I learnt that I can be empathetic with other people as I was able to relate to other issues that she spoke to me about such as her relationship with her boyfriend and the decisions she might be forced to make. Partner: he said that if I really didn’t want to go he won’t go which I think is a lot of pressure to have Me: I know and that could be something he could use against you Partner: that’s exactly that’s what I would say, you’re going to hate me…. I also wanted to learn more about the situations that led to the situation she was in for the sake of trying to understand her trouble and help her with some advice. I also wanted her to make the right decisions with regards to her future. The reasons as to why I wanted to learn more about her situation was merely curiosity but the more she spoke about it I found myself trying to discover the bottom of her indecisiveness. However, it was not my desire to try and solve her problem but to understand her situation. I also discovered that I wanted to instill my partner with some optimism and to encourage her to make a decision that will not cause her any regrets in her future. The situation seemed to have many options that will favor her and her family which seemed to be her biggest worry. I also wanted my partner to enjoy her relationship with her boyfriend as well as her life without having to focus on negative aspects such as death and having to choose between her boyfriend and her family while the situation has not called for it. Partner: to stay with my parents who really like I couldn’t ask for better people, but to just abandon them? Me: yeah, I don’t know like um am a person that can’t stay away from my family as well but um I think I would just like stay with them …..You know I would like go and see him see here and then or like he can come. For me it was a new experience to hear about her worries and also encourage her. To me, it was an opportunity to learn the views of other people in life and what got them worried. It was a good learning experience to see how I could react to the predicaments of other people. It was also sad to realize that despite of the many good things we are blessed with there are those who chose to find something negative. This was a complete contrast from my character as what I see are the negative traits that people show us while there are those who are shown good things but they choose to dwell on negative traits that are not in existence at that moment, it felt like they longed for bad things to happen or will only appreciate what they have when something bad happens to them. Partner: ….that’s the thought like halfway to fifty…..when you get to fifty you only have a couple of good years left…..it brings my mood down just to think how short we have live… Me: I used to see the age of fifty as really old age but now it’s like middle age so it’s alright so I just lie to myself… It also came out that they are traits that my partner had in contrast to mine, while it seemed that there were things I took for granted, my partner was quite over protective of what she loved to the extent that she did not mind dropping any opportunities life grants her for them. There was a time that I agreed with her perceptions such as keeping her family; this was because I believe in the foundation of family. However, there were instances where I did not agree with my second partner such as her view on life and death. This is because there are things that we have no control over and thus no need to hurt our heads over such things such as death. By focusing on things that we have no control over we waste the chance we are given to enjoy today. How my reactions are consistent with my enneagram type It seems that with my reactions I have knowledge and appreciation of what bothers other people that is I have never taken an interest to understand people but now that I have had an eye opening session with my two partners I will able to work on my character. This is because now that I know these traits I cannot ignore them but work on them to make me a better person. My enneagram was developed as a result of the reflection from the exposure. From the discussion with my second partner I was able to picture myself in her situation and there I was able to know more about myself as I compared her views from mine. With every situation that she spoke about I developed one of the nine personality type as my conscious was awakened by her experiences just as they did during my session with the first partner. Conclusion Learning about one’s own enneagram and enneatypeis a very vital part of growth as a person. The knowledge you acquire will enable you to make better judgment when dealing with other people and also knowing yourself will help you become a better member of the society and also a better family member. You become more conscious of your behavior towards other people as well as towards oneself. But such knowledge about oneself does not guarantee that you will become a better person as enneagram does not account for all aspects of the human character. The nine personalities we possess can be developed in different situations we face in our lives ranging from childhood experiences to the genes in us that we inherit from our family. The development of the traits proves that one has an active conscious but does not guarantee that they will change to better people. References Riso, R. D & Hudson, R. (2003).Discovering your Personality Type. New York: Houghton Mifflin Company. Pp. 3-24. International Enneagram Association, (2014).The Nine Personality Types. Retrieved on 18th March, 2014 from http://www.iea-socal.org/9-types.php Naranjo, C. (1990). Outline of Enneatype Structures; Self-analysis for the seeker. Retrieved on 18th March, 2014 from http://home.primusonline.com.au/peony/naranjo_structures.htm Nine points Magazine, (2013). Enneagram Journal. Retrieved on 18th March, 2014 from http://ninepointsmagazine.org/category/enneagram-journal/ Wiltse, V. & Palmer, H. (2011).Hidden in Plain Sight: Observations on the Origin of the Enneagram.The Enneagram Journalvol. 4, no. 1, pp. 4–37. Harmless, W. & Fitzgerald, R. R. (2001).The Sapphire Light of the Mind: The Skemmata of EvagriusPonticus. Theological Studies 62, pp. 498–529. Read More

The session was relevant as it helped me put my feelings in perspective. The mixture of emotions was making me behave in an irrational manner and therefore the talk and the opinions of my partner helped me view the situation with more clarity and at a calmer state of mind. The talk session helped me to look at the situation from my perspective alone but also look at the other part of the problem. I did not find solutions to the problem but the talked helped me realize that not all was lost and there was still a chance to make things right.

I felt empowered to make a stand and not ignore the problem at hand but it opened my eyes to understand that the problem might be both ways and challenged me to be more empathetic. My personality featuresthat came out strongly and how they relate to my enneagram External behavior; it is evident that I am an intolerable and impatient person but my family is a dear issue to. Me: …um she (grandmother) would like always ask …um is it time to pray this prayer Helper: and she like is obvious or was she just asking you?

Me: I was very nice and would look at the time and uh yeah it’s not …………..it reached a point I asked her you should stop asking me cause you are pissing me off…. Underlying attitudes; there are definitely underlying issues brought about with the distance from his other family members and lack of continuous practice of my religion. I have little knowledge of my grandmother and how she raised her children and why they are different and similar in equal measure. I also have issues with members of my mother’s family finding their relationships queer and troublesome unlike the relationships in my father’s side.

The talk has also revealed how much I take for granted the time we are given to spend with over loved ones given the willingness I had over the departure of my grandmother. Me: ……for her someone healthy means someone fat Helper: someone chubby I think? Me: yeah someone chubby, because she comes from a different culture different society….. One’s characteristic sense of self; the talk revealed how little knowledge of myself I possessed. I learnt that I can be so insensitive to other people; however, it is good to learn more about oneself from the perspective of other people.

I keep a lot of things to myself and when it reaches a point that I cannot put up with it any more I ask for my mother’s intervention or else I may snap at my offender. To keep myself from more trouble I prefer to keep my distance from people I clash with, although I have come to learn that it does solve the situation but instead the tension grows even thicker. Me: if anything like that happens in my family and I’ve had some issues with my uncle and I’ve told my mum like I wanted to keep that space………and she was like he isn’t….. Helper: and that’s her son?

It seems that I may be a little possessive with what I consider mine although I would like to think that I can share upto a certain extent.It seems that I pay much attention to the negative traits in people than the positive traits. By breaking the barriers between me and my grandmother among other relatives it will open opportunities to a greater relationship with them. Part 2 During the session with my partner, where I was the helper there are many things that I was able to learn about myself and my natural self when I am the one helping the other party.

I learnt that I can be empathetic with other people as I was able to relate to other issues that she spoke to me about such as her relationship with her boyfriend and the decisions she might be forced to make. Partner: he said that if I really didn’t want to go he won’t go which I think is a lot of pressure to have Me: I know and that could be something he could use against you Partner: that’s exactly that’s what I would say, you’re going to hate me…. I also wanted to learn more about the situations that led to the situation she was in for the sake of trying to understand her trouble and help her with some advice.

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