Major effects of divorce upon children - Essay Example

What do you think are the major effects of divorce upon children?  Marriages are said to be made in heaven and what about divorce? Divorce literally means separation. Is it the separation between the husband and wife or is it the separation of the child from his/her parents? How does such separation affect the children? Is there an element of selfishness when two adults decide to separate themselves from their children? Even if they have the custody of the child, do both parents not play an equal role in a balanced growth of the child?

I shall discuss here the emotional duress to which children of divorce are subjected to and how the presence of both the parents is essential to an emotionally balanced growth. Researches have been made and found that a child undergoes tremendous stress for a long time before the actual divorce takes place because it is the long standing differences that culminate in divorce. The highest divorce rates are in America with almost fifty percent marriages ending in divorce, which means almost fifty percent are children of divorce.

Marriage is the union between two people who have united to make life meaningful for each other, to help each other attain their goals. Marriage is an attachment and a separation has serious negative impact on all linked to it. A divorce not just separates them from their goal; it makes life a traumatic experience for the children as well. To what extent a child would be psychologically affected depends upon various factors – the age of the child, how long the conflict between the parents existed before the divorce, how did the child relate to each of the parents before the divorce and to what extent the parents are willing to be a support to the child after the divorce.

Booth, Clarke-Stewart, McCartney, Owen, & Vandell1 refer to various national studies when stating that poor school performance, low self-esteem, behavior problems, distress and adjustment difficulties are associated with divorce. Adolescents from divorced families showed instances of delinquent behavior, early sex activity and continued academic issues. It is a well established fact that every child needs the emotional support of both the parents. What happens when the parents decide to part ways?

A child needs to feel secure and it is the mother who provides this security when she holds him to the bosom or feeds her child. When in trouble he runs to the mother; at bed time he needs the reassuring hands of the mother. When he needs a firm control it is the father who extends the support. It is simply the feeling of being loved that gives the child a sense of belonging, sense of security and comfort. His adult life is determined on how secure a relationship he has experienced between his parents and with his parents.

Financial implications also become prominent following a divorce. The child may need to compromise on many expenses which he had the privilege to. He may also be deprived of the valuable time with the mother if she now has to go out to work after the divorce. Hence in such cases the child is deprived of quality time with both the parents. No one can take away the pain, no one can feel the pain that a child undergoes when his parents separate. Would it not make sense if the parents could live the marriage happily for the sake of the children?

We can hence conclude that the major effects of divorce on children is the psychological imbalance which manifests in many ways like depression, low self esteem and which ultimately affects their adult life. Today adults are not willing to sacrifice their life even for their children. Perhaps it makes sense for a child to live happily with one parent than to be in the midst of squabbles all the time. There may be instances that children of divorce ensure that they do not have unhappy marriages but then such cases are very few.

Divorces are costly not just in terms of money or finances. Divorces cost a fortune; divorces cost the smile on a child’s face; divorces cost the child the affectionate hug that he longs for when he gets back from school. Can parents not make it easy for themselves, for the child and on their finances too? Can parents not sacrifice divorce for the sake of smiles on everyone’s face?