They easily meet their own needs and the needs of the person. However, a person with an anxious or avoidant attachment pattern, and happens to be in a relationship with a person with the same pattern, he or she will have made a relationship blunder as they will find it hard to be happy in that relationship. For example, the person with a working model of anxious/preoccupied attachment may feel that to get close and therefore have their needs met by someone, they need to be with their partners all the time and get reassurance. Thus to support this context of reality, they choose someone who is isolated and hard to connect with. While the person with a working model of dismissive/avoidant attachment, tends to be distant, because their perception of reality in this context is that, the way to get their needs met is for them to act like they don’t have any. Thus, they find themselves choosing someone who is possessive or overtly demanding of attention.
Consequently, everyone finds partners that confirm their models. In other words the predominant pattern of a person’s relationship is just a duplicate of a similar pattern that the person grew up with.
Adults with secure attachment style tend to be more satisfied in their relationships. Children with secure attachment see their parents as a strong source of security from which they can venture out and independently explore their lives. A secure adult exhibits a similar relationship with their spouses or romantic partner. They exude security and feel connected and allow themselves and their partners’ freedom to move.
Secure adult develop an honest relationship, open and equal, with both people feeling independent, yet loving to each other. They offer support in case one of them feels distressed, seeking the other partner for comfort when they themselves feel troubled. They never tend to cultivate an illusion of