Children and Domestic Violence - Term Paper Example

Children and domestic violence “How many pairs of glasses can one woman break? The bruises, the marks, the lives at stake Thats why we slept out on the streets at night For me it was safer, so we used to take flight Away from the man supposed to protect Out into the darkness, did anyone suspect? For if we stayed I knew what it would mean A beating for mum would be heard or seen” (“Children and Domestic Abuse”, 2008) Its apt to start this paper with an ode to a lost childhood, since children being forced to become unwitting spectators in domestic violence have their childhood snatched away from them by constant exposure to instances of domestic violence inflicted on one of the parents; mainly the ‘mother’ who is also the main care-giver. Innocence is lost as such children are forced to become adults prematurely, often with disastrous psychological consequences. Childhood which is supposed to be a time of sunshine and gleeful childish laughter turns into a dark world and laughter gets drowned in the sounds of violence and abuses and ultimately stops, thus robbing children of the most precious period of their lives. Domestic violence is a frightening reality seeping into every pore of society and while attention has always been on the adult, actual victims of this problem, the children have more often than not been overlooked giving them the euphemism of the ‘forgotten victims’. But, the devastating increase in domestic violence has now seen attention being equally given to children who witness violence in their homes and are forced to become mute spectators, often turning into actual victims themselves over a course of time. In the furor which follows incidents of violence in the home, the attention is almost exclusively on the victim while the children are pushed to the background with little realization of the impact the scenes of horror have had on the young minds. But, fortunately, increased awareness has focused attention on the neglected, indirect victims of domestic violence though the revealed statistics are anything but pleasant. Estimates are that almost 10 to 20 percent of children are exposed to domestic violence and according to studies such children are themselves at risk of being abused or neglected. Exposure to domestic violence means witnessing the actual abuse or coping with the aftermath of the abuse. Studies shockingly reveal that a great majority of children who are witness to domestic violence are themselves subjected to some form of abuse later on. (“West Valley Children’s Domestic Violence Resources Gaps Analysis”, n.d.) At present, domestic violence is regarded as a serious problem cutting across all strata of society and families affected by it are present in every segment of society. Children who have been exposed to domestic violence are there present everyday in schools, day-care centers interacting with other children on a daily basis but with perhaps, their background remaining unknown to the principal authorities for a long time. Though domestic violence cuts across the economic divide, studies have shown that children from poorer families are more vulnerable to domestic violence. The paper seeks to summarize the backdrop of household violence and its subsequent consequences on children and what can be done to bring about the rehabilitation of such children. Through no fault of theirs children become direct or indirect witnesses/ victims of domestic violence with far-reaching consequences. In the majority of cases, the results are not very pleasant and what has to be remembered is that these very troubled individuals go on to make an integral component of society. What kind of society can we expect if it is composed of emotionally disturbed individuals? The vicious cycle will carry on if the problem is not addressed at the core level, that of educating society of the harmful effects of violence in any form especially on children. Children absorb from their environment and if the living environment is not conducive to healthy relationships between adults, the negative impact on children can be considerable. Children go on to become adults and if their earlier exposure to relationships between adults has been based on mistrust and violence, they carry these images with them even in adulthood with the result of being unable to form meaningful, sustaining relationships with any adult. To tackle this growing menace, there are governmental as well as non-governmental organizations which are actively involved in handling cases of domestic violence not only in relation to the actual victims but also in regards to the innocent, indirect victims of this abusive behavior, that is, the children of that particular household. Empirical studies indicate that witnessing violence in their own homes can have tremendous negative effects on the child’s emotional, behavioral, social and cognitive development. The paper will try and analyze the causes and effects of domestic violence on children and especially how being a part of such violence whether directly or indirectly can emotionally scar them making it difficult for them to fit into society. (Saenger, 2000) Living in an environment where they see their mother being repeatedly abused affects the children very strongly and they themselves are at the risk of being abused or used as pawns to exert control on the mother. The abusive partner usually feels inferior to whom he is abusing and uses control and violent behavior to assert his superiority. Unfortunately, children get caught in this tangle with horrific results. At times, children are forced to take up the mantle of a substitute parent as far as younger siblings are concerned and cooking, cleaning, doing the various chores become their responsibility as the mother may be too emotionally battered and too preoccupied with trying to stay safe to care about things and these children lose out on their own childhood. Children may be exposed to violence at home in different ways. Sometimes they see and hear the violent incidents, at other times they may be even involved in the violence (as in the case of a child being in the mother’s arms when she is hit). In most cases, children are fully aware of the violence whether physical or emotional which is going on in the home even if they do not fully comprehend it and even if the parents believe that the children were kept out of the scene. "I didnt really understand what was going on, but I know my mam and dad were fighting every day. I understand more now." (Joseph Rowntree Foundation, 2004), Childrens perspectives on domestic violence). They may see the physical injuries following an incident of violence or they may get entangled in the middle of an incident, as in perhaps trying to stop the violence. Even if not directly witnessing physical abuse, children most certainly would be within the hearing of their mother being abused emotionally as in name-calling, threats or accusations. In cases of extreme emotional abuse, children are also not spared and they too are inevitably caught in the whirlpool of emotionally damaging abuses which have a detrimental effect on their mental well-being. Children are totally dependent upon the adults in the house and if they feel insecure and unsafe in their own homes it speaks volumes of the tragic situation in that particular household and children have to suffer the results of that situation, very often to their detriment. The negative impact of such domestic violence can be life-long and can harm the emotional make-up of the children irrevocably. All children witnessing domestic violence whether directly or indirectly are in a way being emotionally abused which leads to a troubled life later on. For children living with domestic violence, the situating is fraught with tension and risks; risk of neglect or being directly abused or the risk of losing either one or both parents. All this has a negative impact on them which directly affects their safety and stability. The effects of being a witness to violence at home or experiencing it first-hand vary from one child to another. Some show tremendous resiliency in bouncing back while others exhibit all the signs of maladjustment to society. Strong sibling relationships, good relations with peers, supportive relations with any adult, high intelligence and self-esteem and an outgoing nature can be the protective factors guarding children from the negative after-effects of violence in the household. Religious affiliations, strong economic advantage and opportunities for good schooling and employment also work in the favor of children exposed to domestic violence. Constant touch with people and outside environment which is positive also helps children from violent households overcome the adversity and minimizes the negative effects on them. Stronger coping skills and a supportive social network goes a long way in helping these children affected by domestic violence. Children who are witness to more severe forms of violence or continuous conflict may be more distressed than children who experience lesser violence and some positive interactions between their caregivers. The age of the child is also an important factor in determining the impact of household violence on him. Younger children tend to show more emotional distress than the older children, perhaps because their coping mechanisms have not yet been fully developed. The older children can select different coping formulas to shut out the violent incidents. Children who only witness violence and have not themselves been abused show less inclination towards psychological problems than children who have been both witnesses and victims of domestic violence. Gender also plays an important role in determining how the child will react to the violent situation at home with boys tending to show outward aggression and girls withdrawing within themselves or getting depressed. However, the instances of a child successfully standing up to the adversity and overcoming it are far and few between and the aftermath of domestic violence in children in general can be associated with three primary categories; behavioral, social and emotional problems, cognitive and attitudinal problems and long-term problems. It is obviously very distressing to witness one parent being abused and this may manifest itself in behavioral, social or emotional problems like aggression, anger, hostility, disobedience, fear, anxiety, depression, withdrawal, poor social and sibling relationships and low self-esteem. Boys tend to exhibit more outward aggression and may become disobedient ad troublesome. They often tend to get involved in brawls or fights at school or outside and may get into substance or alcohol abuse. Girls, on the other hand, have the tendency to internalize their problems by withdrawing within themselves, not opening up to anyone and their emotional scarring may show itself in eating disorders which may be either extreme eating or deliberately starving themselves. They also give in to feelings of low-esteem which make them more prone to depression. But, boys or girls, the fact remains, that the children of both sexes feel the heat of domestic violence which leaves them vulnerable to its negative impact. Suicidal thoughts, depression are not uncommon in children exposed to violence in homes. Feelings of rage, anger, along with helplessness are only too manifest in the behavior of these children and the most frightening aspect of the emotional onslaught is that many of them start holding themselves responsible for the violence which is taking place at home. They are then suffused with feelings of guilt and a sense of responsibility for the violence while simultaneously feeling helpless and powerless to stop the violence. These conflicting emotions can play havoc with their emotional make-up and its no wonder that only the most resilient of these children come away unscathed in the face of such a horrifying scenario. Anger which can be directed towards one of the parents or towards younger siblings can assume unmanageable proportions. It leads to lashing out at or threatening younger siblings, for example, ‘give me the pen or I’ll hit you’, treating pets cruelly or destroying objects with violent force. Confusion, anxiety, sadness can overwhelm them leading to distorted thinking or the inability to think properly. They also feel a sense of isolation as typical activities such as inviting friends over to the house is impossible for them for fear of some chaotic scene taking place or having their friends see their mother having been very obviously physically assaulted. Violent outbursts, insomnia, nightmares, phobias in such children are all indications of a mind deeply disturbed. These feelings stifle their emotional and social development. Psychosomatic disorders manifests itself in stuttering, vague aches and pains, excessive crying and in younger children may be seen in bed-wetting, clinginess, sleep disruption and the tendency to act younger than they actually are. This is because pre-school children do not have the ability to express themselves verbally and their distress is manifested in their behavior. Young children most commonly complain of stomach aches and have temper tantrums and are afraid of being left alone. (Ahsjo, 2008) Cognitive and attitudinal problems show itself in pro-violence attitude, limited problem-solving capability and lower cognitive functioning. Growing up in a violent environment without any other external support may lead children, especially boys to condone violence and let it define all relationships later in adulthood also. They may start to believe that being violent is not incorrect and is a male privilege and this belief in rigid stereotypes can lead to failed relationships in adulthood. Basing relationships on trust and respect becomes very difficult for children of both sexes coming as they are from traumatic backgrounds. Girls too may start taking violence for granted and feel that women will always be abused. Studies lose their meaning for both boys and girls and playing truant from school becomes a normal pastime. They start performing badly at school which further compounds the problem. Some children will want to stay at home in an attempt to ward off any act of violence on the parent or because they are scared of what might take place in their absence and this affects their school attendance and achievement. Worry and the inability to concentrate and disturbed sleep can all adversely affect school work. Some of the studies suggest that a background of domestic violence is a crucial difference between delinquent and non-delinquent youth. Adolescents who are dating can also exhibit the same tendency towards violence with their dates, either in perpetrating it or accepting it, if coming from violent homes. (Wong, 2007) Long-term problems may show themselves in high levels of depression, trauma syndromes and the tendency to get into violent relationships. Long-lasting relationships become difficult to sustain and violence starts to form a core component of every relationship. Criminal behavior is not unheard of amongst adults with a violent childhood and alcohol and substance abuse are more rampant amongst such individuals. Post-traumatic symptoms may include flashbacks or a deliberate attempt to block out certain incidents in childhood. Poor self-esteem is most commonly associated with such exposure to violent behavior in childhood which spills over in adulthood. To protect the children from the disastrous effects of witnessing violence the abused parent should always report the violence. This may be easier said than done as the parent will always fear that the children may be taken away from her or she may be blamed for failing as a parent but, to preserve the child’s emotional and physical security, it has to be done. It is in the interest of the child as well as oneself to act responsibly and seek help and support. There are social services and organizations meant exclusively for helping out victims of domestic violence and these should be tapped for help. Social workers will ensure the abused parent’s and the child’s safety. Moving into a refuge can also be another option if the situation at home is too volatile and the abused parent fears for her and the children’s safety. Most refuges have workers for children who help the children regain a sense of security. There are other children and abused parents also from similar backgrounds and living in such a community may help both adults and children to realize that they are not alone and they can be perhaps more easily be helped to overcome their situation. Some victimized parents and children take refuge in silence or go in denial mode to handle the situation. But, children would cope better with the situation if the abused parent talks to them about it and admits the violence. Being honest about the scenario without unduly scaring them is the best way to overcome the trauma. Children appreciate honesty and need reassurance that the violence is not their fault. Talking about it also provides a good opportunity to educate them about the wrongs of violence and how it is not a means to an end. It will go a long way in helping them become responsible and non-violent adults. Many times, children living in violent environments are themselves being abused. This overlapping of being both a witness and a victim is extremely traumatic, to say the least. If a child says that he/she has been abused, it should be treated as a serious concern and immediate steps taken to protect the child from the abusive situation. The child should be reassured that the abuse is not his/her fault and all protective measures should be taken for the child’s security. Many abused parents believe that it is better for the emotional stability of the children to continue living as a family along with the abusive father/partner rather than staying separately but this a delusion. Children will fare better and feel more secure in a stable environment with one parent rather than in a violent atmosphere with both parents. Some other efforts in this direction include placing domestic violence advocates in child welfare centers and establishing family courts which tackle overlapping domestic violence and child abuse cases. Establishing domestic violence units in child welfare centers will ensure that these ‘forgotten victims’ of household violence will not be ‘forgotten’. Collaborations between various social and governmental agencies have seen initial programs being launched to offer mental health services to children caught in the crossfire of domestic violence and improving legislation to protect children exposed to violence in homes. (“MEN: THE FORGOTTEN VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE”, 2007) In conclusion, one may say that even though these are steps in the right direction, all the legislation and social services implemented is not enough to totally curb the menace of violence in any form. For a significant change to take place, education and role-modeling is the key. Violence depicted in media and glorified to a certain extent in the form of superheroes/heroes versus villains has to be banned and this whole concept of bad versus good has to be re-thought. It’s only then a new beginning can be made and perhaps, education will have its rightful impact in the absolute abhorrence of violence in any form. For a child, his home is his sanctuary and if that haven of security turns into a fearful place, he loses faith in the social structure itself and it may be a long time before the two can be reconciled. The welfare of the children is the responsibility of adults and society at large and everything should be done to protect that. Children are fragile beings and are most vulnerable to the outcomes of violence in their own homes. Let us not take away from the children their most precious possessions -their childhood and innocence. References 1. Ahnsjo, S. (2008) Psychosomatic Disorders in Pediatric, Acta Pædiatrica, Volume 40 Issue S83,  25 - 36 2. “Children and Domestic Abuse” (2008), Hidden Hurt, available at: http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/Children/children.htm (accessed on January 13, 2009) 3. Joseph Rowntree Foundation, (2004) “Understanding what children say about living with domestic violence, parental substance misuse or parental health problems”, Investors in Diversity, available at: http://www.jrf.org.uk/knowledge/findings/socialpolicy/514.asp (accessed on January 13, 2009) 4. “MEN : THE FORGOTTEN VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE”, (2007) available at: http://www.498a.org/contents/dv/MaleVictimOfDomesticViolence.pdf (accessed on January 13, 2009) 5. Saenger, S. A. (2000) Family Violence: A Review of the Dysfunctional Behavior Patterns, MINCAVA, available at: http://www.mincava.umn.edu/documents/familyviolence/familyviolence.html (accessed on January 13, 2009) 6. “West Valley Children’s Domestic Violence Resources Gaps Analysis”, (n.d.) available at: http://www.mag.maricopa.gov/DV/WValleyGapsAnalysis.pdf (accessed on January 13, 2009) 7. Wong, J. (2007) Children Exposed to Violence, available at: http://www.hkcss.org.hk/fs/Sem_DV092007/PDF/HKCSS.pdf (accessed on January 13, 2009) Read More