Interpersonal Communication for Relationships - Assignment Example

Interpersonal Communication for Relationships Dear Michael and Debbie, This letter aims to provide the both of you with the tools necessary for you to comfortably and openly communicate with each other and be able to use emotions, emotional intelligence and understanding in order to make the relationship work. By the end of this letter you both will have learned about emotional intelligence and its use in interpersonal relationships, about how to develop active and critical listening, and be able to recognize emotions, reactions, perceptions, and their effects on each other. The end goal of this advice letter is to impart the set of skills and Knowledge on to you that would ensure that your married relationship would flourish. As you know, marriage is very different from being just a regular dating couple. Both of you would have very different levels of communication, discovery and interaction than a couple that dates. Many things change when a couple goes from “Dating” to “married” and as we have seen in other couples and even in the media, some of these changes cause many couples to have problems that have resulted in conflict, lack of interest, and in some cases, early separation. One of the causes of these types of scenarios is communication, or lack of interpersonal communication to be precise. People tend to neglect or forget interpersonal communication, or think that it is either unnecessary or already performed, but we must realize that this is a very important part of any relationship, most specially married couples, no matter how long you’ve been married. Interpersonal communication will help both of you through the changes that are sure to occur after you have been married and will make the transition of being single to being married again. It will also make your married life more meaningful, fun, exciting, romantic and special. This important aspect of your marriage should be practiced at all times and in the right manner in order to work, and if done so, you should have no worries in your relationship regarding miscommunication. I know that you both have been married in the past, and both of you have children already, and for some reason or other, you both became single again. Even though both of you have been married before, does not mean that you know everything about marriage and marriage communication. Every marriage is different and every person is unique. What worked for a previous partner may not work for your partner-to-be, and vice-versa. This letter I have written will help you by providing you both with 5 topics regarding interpersonal communication and how it would apply in a relationship. I will be providing this information in 5 topics and expound further on each topic. I will also provide sources that would help you further look into these topics and may help you research further on your own. The topics that I will tell you about are: How to develop active, critical and empathic listening Defining emotional intelligence and its role in a successful relationship Recognizing how your words have the power to affect your partners attitude, behavior and perception Understanding how emotions, perceptions and nonverbal communication affect the relationship Identifying the hindrances to effective interpersonal communications After reading this letter, both of you will have better understanding of each other’s needs and the need to communicate with each other. Please read through the topics and keep an open mind in order to absorb the information in the letter. How to develop active, critical and empathic listening One of the most common problems in marriages is communication. Some couples tend to either forget to communicate, or think that communication has been performed. Others say that they lack time to communicate. This grows into other issues that make a married life hard for couples. This can stem from each partner not being able to listen to their spouse. This may seem difficult to understand since most people think that merely hearing what your partner has to say is already listening to them. The first thing to understand is that this is not the case. Listening to your partner and hearing them is very different. This section of my letter is all about listening, and how to develop active, critical and empathic listening. Listening is considered a very important part of communication in any relationship. In fact, effective-communicating.com, in their article “Communication problems In Marriage - Why Saying 'Yes' Isn't the Same as Saying 'No'”, says that “without listening, you can have some serious communication problems in marriage.” Active and critical listening is especially important when you and you are communicating, as it lets your partner know that you are paying attention to what they have to say. Active listening is the act of picking up details about what your partner needs or what your partner wants in what he or she is saying, without them having to spell it out for you. It is about you actively extracting their point or their need from their words without having them tell it to you straight. This takes some practice as you may initially miss some of these details, but the mere act of trying to actively and critically listen to your partner will let them know you are interested in their opinion. This is something the both of you will need to constantly work on, and will need to pay attention to despite being busy or pre-occupied. One way to practice this is to concentrate on your partner when they are communicating, even if you are doing something else, such as watching TV, or surfing the internet. One more thing to practice is empathic listening. Empathy, in simple terms, is imagining or putting yourself in your partner’s shoes, especially when they are telling you about their problems. We must realize that it is a challenge for people to tell others about their problems, even their partners in life. So when this happens, it is important that you actively listen and react properly. In order for you to properly respond, you must see yourself in your partner’s situation. This will help you connect with your partner and the situation or scenario more accurately and, in turn, will help you provide an appropriate response. Defining emotional intelligence and its role in a successful relationship Emotional intelligence is a very important aspect of any relationship. It is a major component of any successful relationship and must be understood and exercised. According to psychology.about.com, “Emotional intelligence (EI) refers to the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions. “And has 4 parts, namely, perceiving emotions, reasoning with emotions, understanding emotions and managing emotions. In the simplest form, emotional intelligence means understanding your partner’s, or your own emotions and knowing how and when to show them, and what intensity. This is very important in relationships because it allows your partner to gauge how they will interact with you. One suggestion by twoofus.org in their article “How Emotional Intelligence Affects Your Relationships“ is for you to find your emotional triggers, or recurring emotional reactions in certain situations or circumstances. Once this happens, you may want to consider what the roots of these triggers are, and then handle them accordingly. Recognizing how your words have the power to affect your Partner’s attitude, behavior and perception Aside from your emotional reactions and your physical actions, another factor that can affect you partner’s attitude, behavior, and eventually, the relationship its self is your words and how you choose to use them. We may not realize that words are very powerful and that we should be very careful of the words we choose to use. Words act as a double edge sword and may be either beneficial, or detrimental to your relationship. This cam be seen even in your everyday communications. Each of you will see the difference a small kind word will make on your partner’s mood throughout the day. The small compliments and words of encouragement will lift your partner’s spirit and help him or her survive the day. Constant kind words and encouragement will also affect your partner’s outlook and perception, in that they will see things in a much lighter mood. The opposite can be said about insults, words that do not encourage, and even cold reactions. These types of words, no matter how small, or how frequent, will affect your partner’s mood and outlook. They will even affect your partner’s actions. Insults, or discouraging words would cause irritable, or even angry reactions from your partner, no just to you, but to his or her environment in general. If done often, they may cause him to see his environment in a more dark view, and even in some cases, create violence. According to an article by selfhelpdaily.com, our words are very powerful and that it is important to provide compliments to people. It slowly builds a person’s character or trust in themselves and reassures them, especially when they doubt something. The same article goes on to say, “Compliments cause people to reach further, do more, and see if they can’t do even better things.” And says that these types of word cause a positive glow or vide from that person, but it also warns us that “By contrast, negative, deconstructive words or (just as bad), NO words at all bring about the complete opposite result.  The brain says, “I can’t seem to do anything right!” and brings the person down. Imagine this being done to your partner; the person you are with on a daily basis. Imagine your partner being discouraged to even try to do something for you or for him or herself. When this happens, you might ask yourself why, but at the root of it all, it is because of the words that you choose to use. Some men even cheat on their wives, not because the other woman is better looking, or better in bed, but because they feel needed or wanted with other women, or other people in general. Therefore, mind the words you use and make sure that you always make your spouse feel wanted with the words you use. Understanding how emotions, perceptions and nonverbal communication affect the relationship In the previous parts of the letter, I’ve shared information on how your words affect your partner’s emotions and perceptions, and how active and critical listening can help in your communication. This part of the letter will attempt to discuss how emotions, perceptions, and nonverbal communication can and will affect your relationship. Emotions and perceptions can affect a relationship just by the way that they communicate a person’s general outlook. A person’s emotions or perceptions are a reflection of how well their relationships are, and a big part that affects this is their love relationship. People will see how happy a person is just by observing him for a few minutes and, a person’s satisfaction or joy in his relationship is reflected in his everyday actions. This pretty much explains how emotions and perceptions can affect the relationship, as they are forms of indirect communication, but there is another form of indirect communication that must be taken into account. This is the nonverbal communication. We have all been told that the words you say are only about 105 of what you are actually trying to convey. They say that the other 90% of your message is sent through nonverbal means, and if, as discussed in previous parts of this paper, words can affect the relationship in a big way, so much so the nonverbal communication. Nonverbal communication comes in many forms. According to the article by focused-momentum-lifecoach.com, the forms of nonverbal communication are, facial expressions, eye contact, gestures, body posture, proximity, and paralinguistics. From all of these, one may be able to tell the person’s message, or the root or true message, apart from the information that they are verbally telling you. This is similar to active and critical thinking in that you will try to find certain bits of information from what you are being told. This is helpful in marriages as there are times when people unknowingly communicate through nonverbal means. Despite this, it is still important to actively find out what they may need. This can be seen when a your partner tells you “I’m ok”. The way they say this will definitely tell how they really feel. If they say this in a light, cheerful or upbeat manner, then they may be happy at the time, but if they say this in a more down-tone, heavy-breath, gloomy way, they may be hiding some pain or thought This will have a major effect on your relationship because many things that your partner will communicate may go through this type of communication. Also, attempting to understand nonverbal communication will show your partner that you are attempting to level with them, or that you are attempting to find out what he or she needs. I will always stress that communication of any form is needed in order for the both of you to let each other know what you need, or what you like or dislike, but this will require an active and voluntary effort. Identifying the hindrances to effective interpersonal communications As in the last part of the letter, I have stressed the importance of communication in a relationship and how it will work to the advantage of your relationship. This last topic of my letter will focus on what may stand in the way of good communication. Although communication is very important in a relationship, there are still some barriers or hindrances to a couple’s communication. Some of these barriers are even created by the couple’s themselves, often without them knowing about it. Without regular and effective communication, a couple is unable to provide each other reassuring words, they are unable to share their problems or joys with each other, and they are unable to tell each other about their day. In a short period of time, this may not sound like much of a problem, but if done in the span of a few weeks, you may feel that there are many things that change for your partner, or that there are many events that your partner has worked through alone. According to the-intimate-couple.com in their article “Barriers to effective communication”, these barriers are “preventing multitudes of people from experiencing the deepest joys of marriage”. The article lists some barriers to effective communication as, lacking interest, lacking communication skills, lacking self-confidence, or lacking a healthy soul (free of bitterness). And the article stresses the first hindrance as the main or root cause to most other hindrances. If you lack the needed interest to step into your spouse’s world, you may find that you start to look for excuses not to communicate. The first and most important step to take is to actively attempt to step into your spouse’s world. This should be actively done in order to show your spouse you care, and that you would like to share experiences with them outside of your normal routine. Please note that there is a difference between stepping into their world and taking over it. One more thing to is to always make time to communicate, share, talk and make each other feel wanted everyday. This should be a special time of the day and not a routine event. Lastly, actively identify any other common or constant hindrances to your constant communication and work with your spouse to work around it in order to keep the constant lines of communication open. This in turn will make sure that the relationship stays healthy and vibrant, and that any issues are addressed before they become big problems. Conclusion At the end of it all, we must come to realize that your spouse is half of who you are, and that they share your life with you. It is important that you share with them and make sure to include them in your life as well. Communication must be done regularly and do not be afraid or shy to tell them about your day, or to tell them about your problems. This is because they are the ones who will understand and they are the ones who will ease your concerns and who will help you find solutions. Actively practice active and critical listening and when your spouse tells you about their problems, always try to see yourself in their shoes and respond appropriately in order to give them comfort. Never forget that your words are very powerful and that they can affect your spouse’s outlook, and mood, but all the more important is your nonverbal communication and that you should also try to read the nonverbal communication that your spouse may be using. Resources Cherry, K. (2012). What Is Emotional Intelligence? Definitions, History, and Measures of Emotional Intelligence. Retrieved February 29, 2012, from http://psychology.about.com/od/personalitydevelopment/a/emotionalintell.htm Effecive-communicating.com. (2008). Communication Problems In Marriage: Why Saying ‘Yes’ Isn’t The Same As Saying ‘No’. Retrieved February 29, 2012, from http://www.effective-communicating.com/communication-problems-in-marriage.html National Healthy Marriage Resource Center. (2012). How Emotional Intelligence Affects Your Relationships.Retrieved February 29, 2012, from http://www.twoofus.org/educational-content/articles/how-emotional-intelligence-affects-your-relationships/index.aspx Self Help Daily. (2011). Watch Your Mouth! How Your Words Affect Your Entire World. Retrieved February 29, 2012, from http://www.selfhelpdaily.com/encouraging-others-with-our-words/ Wilson, J., Wilson, B. (2012). The Intimate Couple. Barriers to Effective Communication. Retrieved February 29, 2012, from http://www.the-intimate-couple.com/barriers-to-effective-communication.html Read More