Self-Defeating Behaviour - Math Problem Example

3 May 2008 'How does an initially successful behaviour establish itself as a self-defeating behaviour and why is it so difficult for the client to recognise it?' Introduction Anybody will be surprised to know that there do exist people who will go out of their way to perpetuate a saga of defeat and failure in their seemingly normal life. Yet, we more then often come across such individuals and groups in our personal and professional lives who readily invite failure by the dint of their destructive and negative behaviour patterns. This seems more like a tragic flaw in some Shakespearean Tragedy which moulds the character of a tragic hero to the point where failure seems to be a well deserved and acceptable outcome in the scheme of things. Ultimately the character becomes the destiny and the tragic hero succeeds in soliciting the sympathy and concern of the people observing his life. But, the things are not as romantic as they seem during a stage performance. Defeat can certainly not be accepted as a natural state of affairs. Infact it is quite healthy and wholesome for a person to aspire for success in the face of big and small adversities that come across ones way. To succeed is normal. Any indication of a tendency to deliberately indulge in a behaviour that ensures defeat is definitely indicative of the fact that the person under consideration is a victim of self defeating behaviour. Definition of self defeating behaviour According to The Free Dictionary by Farlex,” self defeating personality (disorder) is a persistent pattern of behaviour detrimental to the self, including being drawn to problematic situations or relationships and failure to accomplish tasks crucial to life objectives.” Various types of self-defeating behaviour Self-defeating behaviour is a broad psychological disorder that includes in its ambit a variety of self sabotaging patterns (The New York Times). Such patterns often have the power to mar a person’s personal and professional life. It will be really interesting to discuss a few such negative tendencies. Some people have the inclination towards not preparing well for the tasks assigned to them. Due to a pathetic lack of preparation, they often fail to exhibit appropriate levels of confidence in the things they do. Mark is a fairly talented student considered to be really gifted by most of his teachers. Still he fails to secure good grades because of his pitiable habit of not preparing well in advance for his academic assignments or tests. Thus he mostly ends up becoming a victim of this unproductive behaviour pattern, so far his grades are concerned. One common self-destructive behaviour is seen in people who have the propensity of acting as if they know anything and everything about any topic or issue. Owing to this habit of their’s, they often create resentments in their work environment and peer group. They mostly fail to establish a meaningful and constructive communication with others. Ultimately they end up getting isolated and abhorred by people around them. There are individuals who have panache for being oversensitive. They take instances of criticism and dissent too personally. It never dawns upon them that criticism is often a step towards fixing a problem. Hence they chose to bear with unnecessary emotional pain that takes a severe toll of their efficiency. Susan was not able to adjust to her university’s atmosphere because of being hyper sensitive. She peculiarly found the task of making new friends really daunting because of her tendency to overreact to instances of friendly criticism and conflict. Ultimately she developed a chronic depression and had to give up her studies to return home. Though normally people like to associate with the individuals having healthy and wholesome personalities, there do exist exceptions. Some people particularly have a self-defeating affinity for associates that dissipate their time, energy and talent. They fail to understand the ramifications of associating with people who are negative, pessimistic, over critical and destructive by nature. Though being a good worker, Martha had a debilitating tendency for giving in to the peer pressure at her work place. This often overshadowed her talent and skills. Though being aware of this mistake, she failed to develop an ability to say no to unscrupulous demands made by her colleagues. Ultimately she ended up getting involved in a series of scandals which made her loose her lucrative and gratifying job. Procrastination is a very common self-defeating behaviour. Many people prefer to postpone the tasks that are vital for their personal and professional success. This makes their superiors and colleagues distrust them regarding their ability to be efficient and responsible. As a result, they fail to secure the benefits and advantages that a job well done furnishes. Even the most successful of people sometimes succumb to the mistake of having unrealistic expectations from circumstances, people and life. Still in the people with self defeating tendencies, this attribute is found in more then normal proportions. Such people fail to realize what is normal and realistic in a given scenario. This factor makes their friends and colleagues avoid them. They also fail to realize their full potential. People who move ahead in life are the people who never quit. The obvious premise that follows from this doctrine is that quitters never win. Quitting is also a sort of self-defeating behaviour. Ophera often fails to succeed in most of her ventures because of a persistent, above average fear of failure. Though she begins every task with a lot of gusto and enthusiasm, soon the fear of failure takes over her nerves and makes her quit. Till now she has failed to realize the futility of having such a mindset. This has considerably prevented her from realizing her strengths and weaknesses and has eclipsed her nascent talent. There exist a collection of behaviour patterns and habits that come within the ambit of self-defeating behaviour. Due to such attitudes, people mostly end up in self handicapping situations that make them choke under pressure. Such self-defeating tendencies are mostly the outcome of extrinsic circumstances, yet it is the victims who voluntarily choose to perpetuate them. Thus it is important that the victims of such dilemmas realize and understand their suffering and continuously makes efforts to be free. This will make them a successful person and a productive member of the society. Facts behind self-defeating behaviour Though to a lay observer, self defeating behaviour patterns in a person may seem to be harmlessly whimsical and of a superficial origin, this is far from being the truth. The fact is that such turmoil often has deep seated reasons. Self-defeating behaviour patterns in a person are often indicative of an underlying emotional trouble. People develop such habits owing to pressing external circumstances that impinged on their consciousness at some time or other in their life. Self protective strategies innocently resorted to by people under dire circumstances often crystallize as self defeating behaviour patterns. Resorting to a self-defeating behaviour is often a camouflaged attempt to safeguard ones self image and self esteem by succumbing to self-defeat. What people mostly intend to achieve through a self defeating behaviour is to accept a minor loss or blame of some sort in advance, so as to avoid risking any possible damage because of a more threatening setback. Samson is a young man with ample IT skills and sound academic credentials. Still, a year after he passed out from college, he failed to secure a good job. Most of his friends and family members failed to understand the reasons behind such a fiasco. Though, till now, Samson had received a number of calls for interview from many reputed firms, he miserably failed to materialize those opportunities into success. Before any interview, Samson exhibited a baffling behaviour pattern. He prepared for his interview exhaustively and well in advance. Still when the D-day arrived, he got jittery and failed to appear for the interview at some pretext or other. Though he seemed to exhibit the confidence to succeed in any interview, things mostly went haywire on the appointed day. Basically, what was happening was that Samson was resorting to a self-defeating behaviour. He choose to take the blame for a minor neglect, so as to avoid the risk of failure in an interview. Infact, Samson had a deep seated fear of failure. This tactics not only protected him from such a possibility, but also helped him in retaining the illusion of being capable of succeeding in any interview, if only he had reached the venue in time. Luckily, Samson’s parents and teachers managed to discern this pattern in time and sent him for career counselling. Soon Samson realized his mistake and somehow got over his fear of failure. Today not only he has a booming career as an IT professional, but is a source of inspiration for many young people. Sadly, all such stories pertaining to self-defeating behaviour do not end in good news. People sometimes fail to rectify or identify their self-defeating behaviour patterns. Some people have a strange tendency to resort to self defeating behaviour, just when they are on the verge of being a great success. George was a junior manager in a big insurance company. Right form the start of his career, he exhibited an exceptional talent and aptitude for his job. By the dint of his hard work and immaculate skills, he worked wonders for his companies business. Soon he got into the good books of his top management. His superiors were not only thinking of rewarding him with a promotion and a hefty pay raise, but also considered him suitable for being a future leader in the company. The top management started inviting him to the confidential meetings and conferences pertaining to the company’s strategies and planning. Though George was a big success, still he always resented his lack of a college education. Family responsibilities forced him to join the work force right after he finished high school. At the core of his existence he believed that he did not deserve to be successful. He was scared that he may not be able to handle such a success. So he was a bit wary of his colleagues who had the advantage of a college education. To compensate for this inferiority complex, he often leaked a bit of classified information pertaining to the company, whenever he was in the company of his academically more embellished friends. This made him feel important and indispensable. The top management came to know about this and felt betrayed. George’s immediate boss Henry held an informal meeting with him and apprised him of the possible consequences of such a leak. Being already aware of George’s feelings of inferiority, he advised him not to compensate for them by indulging in a self-defeating behaviour. George realized his mistake in time and started focusing on more positive methods for bolstering his self esteem. Eventually the things worked well and today George is expected to be the CEO of the same company in the near future. Any valid weakness or the mere perception of being weak often pushes the people into a self-defeating behaviour pattern. The factor underlying all self-defeating attitudes is the fear of an unwanted failure or some undeserving success. Though to an outsider such fears may seem hypothetical or imaginary, to a victim, such apprehensions are startlingly real and plausible. In fact the victim gets so unnerved by the possibility of such an eventuality, that the suffering soul resorts to the ultimate tactics of self deception. This threat has become more potent in the contemporary times when the information driven world has unleashed change at a fast and continuous pace. Every change brings in a measure of instability in its wake. People being temperamentally afraid of bearing with ambiguous circumstances, often resort to self defeating behaviour. The best and the easiest way to get rid of the drastic consequences of an approaching responsibility is to disown ones onus and commitment in managing such a change Possible victims of self defeating behaviour. People whose self image pertaining to their personal competence is fragile and brittle are most prone to self-defeating behaviour. They resort to such behaviour to perpetuate an illusion of personal competence. Parents who have unrealistic expectations of their children, or who praise their children undeservedly, inadvertently push them into a quagmire of self-defeating behaviour. Such children resort to such a tactics to maintain a façade of invincibility heaped on them by their parents. People who achieve success very early in their life or those who achieve success because of the shallow reasons like right connections or external charm are really prone to a self-defeating attitude. Counsellors and psychiatrists often associate alcoholics and substance abusers with self-defeating behaviour. Individuals or groups who face social exclusion often take recourse to a self-defeating behaviour to gain importance or attention (Twenge). Self-defeating behaviour often proves to be a costly strategy for a victim. It alienates its victims from reality and makes them loose their grip over truth. Guided by a faulty persona, people move on with their life without conducting any reality check. The contact with reality often proves to be painful and excruciating and could collapse the entire personality of a victim. Self-defeating behaviour is also accompanied by drastic social repercussions. People start considering a deceiver to be a fake and loose trust in such a person. This leads to a considerable loss in terms of a deterioration of ones social standing. In extreme cases, self-defeating behaviour may derail a person’s personal and professional life and may compromise ones psychological well being. How to overcome self-defeating behaviour? It is imperative for a person suffering from self-defeating behaviour to overcome such an attitude. Without doing so, a victim can never think of realizing ones true potential. Self-defeating behaviour bogs a person in a situation of stagnation and inertia. It prevents a person from realizing ones personal, professional, spiritual and relationship goals. This demands an unwavering commitment to reality and the will to be free. A positive attitude towards life supported by the suspension of unrealistic perceptions and judgements goes a long way in overcoming self defeating behaviour. One can start by a willingness to embrace life as it comes, without resorting to flimsy facades and illusions. The cherry on the cake is that when one contemplates the advantages of giving up a self-defeating behaviour, the returns seem to be substantial and awesome. Self-defeating behaviour is often addictive and initially one may require professional help and the warmth of a social support group to overcome such a handicap. Being with the people who accept one the way one is could often prove to be extremely salubrious. Conclusion All forms of self-defeating behaviour are based on an internal commitment to false notions and vague perceptions. The main motive of a person resorting to such behaviour is to avoid some unwanted failure or undeserving success. People craving for attention and popularity also readily become victims of a self-defeating behaviour. The fast pace of change in the modern times also aggravates this dilemma and propagates a desire to assume fake persona. Self-deceiving behaviour is a curable malady. All that is required is a positive frame of mind and a willingness to embrace the truth pertaining to ones identity. The support of an accepting social group can help a lot in developing a realistic sense of personality. Works Cited “New Research Illuminates Self-Defeating Behaviour”. The New York Times. 3 May 2008, “Self Defeating Personality (disorder)”. The Free Dictionary By Farlex. 3 May 2008, Twenge, Jean M. Social Exclusion Causes Self-Defeating Behaviour. 3 May 2008. Read More