Smarthinking's E-structor response form

Smarthinking
High school
Essay
Philosophy
Pages 7 (1757 words)
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Smarthinking's E-structor Response Form (Your marked-up essay is below this form.) HOW THIS WORKS: Your e-structor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your e-structor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] throughout your essay…

Introduction

Also, because this is your second submission of this essay, please consider sending us your next or final draft. We would love to see what you have done! *Strengths of the essay:   This is a very well researched essay, Joshua. I enjoyed your often quite strong sentences, like this one: “Therefore, the demand to preserve nature itself reflects the superiority of mankind.” When you are writing with this directness, you are at your best. Solid effort. *Joshua 4723250 has requested that you respond to the Main Idea/Thesis: Your goal is to take a position on the topic at hand, which your thesis will make clear, while also previewing the content of the essay. Here is what I detect to be your thesis: “I would more agree with anthropocentric approach rather than Non-anthropocentric, as humans are the prime beings in this universe after God and angels.” There are two ways to improve this thesis. First, attempt to make a claim without using “I would more agree” by taking a more objective stance. For example, if I were arguing for human impact on global warming, I might write this as my thesis: “Through the burning of fossil fuels, overconsumption of resources, and inefficient technology, mankind has profoundly accelerated climate change.” Notice how I have made my claim. Secondly, attempt to preview the major points you will discuss in the body of the essay. ...
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