The Basis of Sibling Rivalry according to Peter Goldenthal - Essay Example

Due The basis of sibling rivalry according to Peter Goldenthal From the beginning of time, families have been marred by siblings’ rivalry. This is a situation where there is a misunderstanding between siblings in a family. The results are always dangerous and detrimental to the welfare of the family. Dr. Goldenthal expounds the issues associated with sibling rivalry. He asserts that the basis of sibling rivalry revolves around the actions of the parents. The major causes of rivalry are; unequal treatment by parents (parents having a favorite), sending a child to relatives for some time, and also jealousy associated with anew born. First, the act of having favorites among siblings is a major cause of sibling rivalry. This is a situation where parents treat the children differently. As such, a child, or children may feel neglected in favor of brothers or sisters. This creates a gap between them in their relationship. The children cannot interact or coexist peacefully. Hostilities are imminent. Unequal treatment may be in form of parents rewarding some children and not appreciating the efforts of the others. Consequently, ignoring the contribution of some siblings to the family is also a dangerous factor that leads to rivalry. Siblings assume that they do not belong to the same family. Another basis is the treatment accorded to a newborn in the family. According to Goldenthal, children feel neglected when parents shift their care and attention to nursing a newborn (12). More often, the arrival of newborn has been associated with shifts in attention from the older children to the infant. As such, the older children may feel disappointed and develop a cold attitude towards the newborn. The rivalry may continue as far as the parents treat the children differently. When parents send a child or children to live with relatives while other children are left is seen as discrimination. Children who are left behind are seen to derive more favor and affection from the parents. On the other hand, children who are sent away feel like they do not belong. Thus, the rivalry between the children who ‘do not belong’ and those who ‘belong’ is unavoidable (10). Methods that Goldenthal believes help reduce or even eliminate sibling rivalry As stated earlier, sibling rivalry is detrimental to family welfare and thus should be avoided at all. As such, parents should always look out for signs of alienation in the family. The major actions that can mitigate sibling rivalry are; detect the presence of bullying in the family, avoid favoritism, talk to children later, parents should never get into children fights, ask straight questions. Parents are in the best position to detect any harassment especially by the older children. This aims at reducing the chances of division among the siblings. If parents detect a change in behavior or attitude towards some children early, they can mitigate the situation amicably. Goldenthal asserts that parents should create a scenario where a child who reports a bullying incident to be a hero. Favoritism is a major cause of sibling rivalry, thus, avoiding it can be a mitigative measure. Parents can avoid all actions that can be perceived as favoritism by children. Favoritism can be manifested through parents’ unbalanced priorities towards children (11). For example, attending much football and missing out drama. This is seen a discrimination by children. Parents can refer back an incident once it has happened. It is advisable that parents intervene after a bad incident. According to Goldenthal, talking about the positive aspects of the family is best received when the children are behaving well towards each other, example, when they are playing. A parent has an ample opportunity to congratulate the children and also advice tem on the virtues of a good family. Professional help from a qualified psychologist can be instrumental in this case, hwever, parents should be careful in selecting a professional (222) Goldenthal believes that walking away in times of rivalry is the best idea. The parents should maintain a neutral position in the rivalry such that they should not intervene in favor of one side. As he puts it, parents intervention in a sibling rivalry is like deploying a lifeguard when, in actual sense, no person is drowning. If somebody were to intervene, it should not be parents, since they must balance both sides. Parents can employ a tactic of asking direct question regarding the rivalry. Asking ‘why’ questions can enable the parents to get more insight into the matters surrounding the rivalry. Action is possible since children open up about their rivalry, reasons and the possible solutions. The children can also be left to suggest a possible solution, or what they think should be done to reverse the situation. Involving the sibling can enhance participation in dispute resolution in a family. Religious duties of parents towards children The religious duties to parents are to train their children toward the right ways. Most religious generally agree on the ‘right way.’ Parents should guide the children on the virtues of a good family and how it can be maintained. Religious books have various examples of how sibling rivalry was detrimental to the welfare of the family. Thus, religion devotes family responsibilities to parents. This implies that failure by parents to control their families leads to collapse of a family, or worse effects (Center for Reformed Theology n.p). Religion, especially Christian, add that parents cannot claim allegiance to the religion they fail to subject their children (Timeless Truths). Parents should not allow the conduct of the children should not be compromised by activities such as alcoholism and drugs. Thus, subjecting children to the right ways of living is essential in maintaining a peaceful family free of sibling rivalry. Children faults cannot be attributed to them only, buy also towards the parents. Conclusion As Goldenthal puts it, sibling rivalry is influenced by many factors revolving around the role of the parents. Solution to the rivalries should be a matter of urgency in a family. Parents should regularly monitor the situation and the relationships between their children as they grow. Enhancing a peaceful coexistence between the children is indispensable for a stable family. In this, the parents’ role is to offer the children moral support and fair treatment. References "Center for Reformed Theology and Apologetics." Center for Reformed Theology and Apologetics. N.p., n.d. Web. 28 Apr. 2014. "Christian Conduct > Parents Duty to Their Children | Charles E. Orr." Timeless Truths Free Online Library. N.p., n.d. Web. 28 Apr. 2014. "Sibling Rivalry: Your Child: University of Michigan Health System." N.p., Web. 28 Apr. 2014. Goldenthal, Peter. Beyond Sibling Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Become Cooperative, Caring, and Compassionate. New York: H. Holt, 2000. Read More