Stage of a Relationship: Coming Together and Falling Apart - Assignment Example

Stage of a Relationship: Coming Together and Falling Apart My relationship with Jane lasted for one year and through that period; I can attest that we underwent the ten stages of a relationship grouped by Knapp (1984) into two parts: coming together and falling apart. We had an intimate relationship until December last year. We met around November 2012 in our art club contest conference. Three months later, we were close to one another and by June, most of my friends knew that she was my fiancée. In September, our relationship entered what I consider the second major part of relationship. My relationship with Jane ended on December 18 and it had gone the ten stages, but the most visible of stages in this relationship were: initiation, experimenting, intensifying, integrating, bonding, circumscribing, avoiding, and terminating. In most cases as I noticed and will describe thereafter, some stages took place simultaneously. The ten stages as conceptualized by Knapp's Model of Relational Development are a process. Knapp holds that a relationship starts with an initiation stage. Usually, initiation stage involves a short first acquaintance in which the two parties make or get first impressions of each other. In my initiation stage with Jane, we met at a round table where she chaired a session in our art club contest conference. For the first time in my life, I found myself participating and dominating the session regardless of George’s presence. George was the most active member in our club when it came to sharing ideas. I was an average participant, but not on this particular case. Jane, as the chair would appreciate my contribution and from that moment I liked her. Realised I liked her ability to control the session and her level of intelligence. I felt free to approach her afterwards. The second stage is experimenting in which as Knapp (1984) argues, involves exchange of questions. This stage in our relationship came in hours. Five hours after the session that Jane chaired that day, I got an opportunity to meet her in person and congratulated her for her boldness during the session. She appreciated it and probed for more information regarding me. I realised she was not only beautiful but had a warm personality. Something made me to want to stay around her or looking at her; she was attractive. I took it upon myself to give her my contacts and from then we kept communicating on phone. We shared our social media information and many niceties online and by phone. Afterwards we arranged for a date meeting and it succeeded. It was during this date when I and Jane had the freedom to tell each other about what we liked, our hobbies and other personal details. Knapp referred to the stage in which these events happen as intensifying stage. In the intensifying stage, the parties have a less formal interaction and self disclosure is evident. For example, I got to know about Jane’s past boyfriend and that they had parted without much of a commitment. I got a chance to ask if she needed a friend and preferable if she could consider me. She needed more time but I could see she had already decided and accepted me. It took a short message the next day for her to respond to the affirmative. Actually, the short test message took us to the integrated and bonding stages. From then, I would update her on my whereabouts, she would wish me good night and tell me she loved and missed me. I would do the same. By June, last year both of us had updated our FaceBook statuses and friends liked the pair especially when we posted our selfies that we took while on our first date. According to Knapp, integration stage involves parties doing things together. The fact that we made the relationship partly formal by updating our social media statuses and involving our friends on virtual world, we got into the bonding stage. Bonding stage is where formal announcements or publication is done. My relationship with Jane went on well. I had very high expectations that I will propose to her and was sure she would accept to marry me. We would spend weekends and dinner together, visit our friend’s birthday parties together and share our fears and hopes. I got a chance to give her most of my deepest secretes and family information. She also did the same although I noticed she did not like discussing about her dad. I did not want to delve into the issue after noticing several times that she avoided the topic. I was sure I will know about it one day and so I avoided rushing. August 2013 came with a turn of events when Jane and her parent traveled for a tour in another country and we lost touch of each other for one moth. She posted fewer greetings online and emotional attachment she used to treat her messages was replaced with a kind of formal flat words. When she came back, I was angered and asked her about it. She did not give a convincing reason for turn of events and she did not look alarmed by my concern and frustration. From then, we met less frequently and with less zest. I noticed her commitment dropped suddenly and equally started withdrawing. This stage is referred to as differentiating. I am sure it was this stage because I sought more independence. Each of us started doing things without informing the other party. She could inform me of parties she had attended without involving me like before. Likewise I felt free without her company and started seeking more other friends. I think this stage was fused with circumscribing because we quickly dissolved our communication and the two times we met that month, we feared communicating some issues. I feared asking her about her commitment in fear of hurting her because she did not seem friendly any more. I also contend that circumscribing stage came with avoiding stage because within two month, she refused to pick my call in some instances would not reply to my messages. She would later make some claims. In November, I came out and asked her and she came out straight that she was withdrawing. She was hash on phone and we exchanged some not so nice messages. It was clear that she did not understand my emotions from the time she came from their family tour; but I had my emotional attachment with her had also declined. I tried to talk to her but she never gave a chance. I decided to terminate communication between me and her on 15th December. I wrote to her telling her that we better terminate our relationship and three days later, she wrote to me and told me that we should not continue. It was that simple, without reason or complaint from either of us that we entered termination stage of our relationship. I think even Knapp may not have captured the fact that relationships can end without major conflict. That a party can decide to withdraw and not tell the other party the reason. Can I call it voluntary termination, which is what happened in my relationship with Jane? I am still hoping that we will meet and discuss our coming together again. However, this is just a wishful thinking because we terminated the relationship honorably. In conclusion, Knapp’s ten stages of relationship are real and applicable in analysing our relationship experiences. It is however, depended on the way one analysis a situation. Some stages may be fused as in my case while others may be separately visible. What can not be avoided is the first and the last stages; initiation and termination stages respectively. Works Cited Knapp, Mark. Interpersonal Communication and Human Relationships. Boston, MA: Allyn and Bacon, 1984. Print. Read More