Differences on Relationship Successes with Married Parents or Divorced - Essay Example

The Significant Differences on Relationship Successes with Married Parents or Divorced There are differences that are evident in the way children grow up by single parents and those brought up by two parents. These differences come because of the manner in which the parents behave, teach their children, and view the society around them. Over the past few years, the family structure has really changed. Some factors tend to influence the likelihood of success in the marriage. Some of them include attitude, presence of in-laws, children, communication and roles. This paper is examining a number of differences that are significant in family structures, parents who are married or those that divorced. There has been an increase on single parent families due to the rise of divorce cases. Divorce is usually the legal dissolution of marriage. This mainly occurs due to conflict between the two parents One of the parents, mostly the mother who is the responsible one, is given custody of the children. This separation anxiety really causes development of various emotions to the children to help them cope with the situation. This is very different for those who live with both of their parents. These two types of children, one from married parents and the other from divorced parents grow up differently. Similarly, what they undergo in their life is what makes them when they grow up. The relationship success in their lives varies in many ways. Children from married parents are usually able to contain their emotions. They are emotionally stable. They get to learn a lot from their parents. This is because when they have issues, they consult with their parents and they are advised. They are always happy most of the times as they are emotionally secure, while children of divorce are emotionally drained (Howell, 2009). They get to harbor most of the feelings, as they fear they may drive people who love them away as they have seen it happen to their parents. They cry often due to the anger and pain of not having a chance to make their parents stay together. This affects their lives as they at many times blame themselves. It also affects their future relationships, as they feel insecure due to increased anxiety. Children in divorced families always face peer pressure influence. This is evident as the parents give them little attention because they have to work hard to be in a position of care and providing for the children. This inadequacy of attention may also lead to depression and turning to crime related activities since they know the single parent will be too busy to notice (Weitzman, 2010). For married parent’s children they grow up under supervision and it easy for any one of the parent to notice a change in behavior hence creating a trusting relationship between the child and the parent is very important as they grow up. Children of divorced parents most of the times find themselves fighting for affection especially when they have to choose which of the two parents to stay with (Howell, 2009). Also if for instance the father has to leave, the child may think he does not love them. This may create hatred for men in their future life. This is not the case to children of married parents as they are showered with love from both parents. This may also cause the children to be aggressive towards others. Children of married parents have both male and female role models. The mother takes up the responsibility of helping develop good morals and equipping one with the nurturing instincts. The father is the one who equips one with the skills of carrying out various activities, for example, hunting for the boys and fixing up things. The presence of both parents in a person’s life is important because they help one gain up self-esteem. They help their children believe in themselves. Children in divorced families lack adequate role modeling in their life (Weitzman, 2010). They get to learn just from one parent who is usually not available whenever they need them. This results to them being resilient when handling life experiences. Family background helps a child form their views about the world. Children form married parents see the world as a happy and content place as the parents try to provide for them all what they need (Howell, 2009). Parents also provide for them exposure to various issues in the world. This is not so for those children of divorced parents. They have little exposure always view the world as quite unfair. This affects how they are able to adopt change, which is introduced to their lives when they grow up. They fear change because of uncertainty. Domestic violence is the major reason of most divorces. If children witness their parents conflicting and especially when its domestic violence, they develop some strong feelings which form their personality (Reynolds & Reynolds, 2011). For example, if a young boy sees his mother being beaten, he may grow up thinking that it is right to beat up women, as they are weak. They will think that it is a normal thing that usually happens. For married parents, they try to keep conflicts at minimum, as they do not want their children think that arguing is good. They grow up knowing of amicable ways to solve conflict other than fighting and arguing. Children who have seen their parents’ go through with a divorce, they tend to isolate themselves from the others. They become introverts as they think nobody understands them. This is not the case with children from married parents. They get to socialize and talk about how their parents are good (Reynolds & Reynolds, 2011). This difference is because the divorce children feel guilty since they view themselves as the reason for the divorce; therefore, they spend most of the time blaming themselves, which is not healthy for their growth and development. Roles in a family area factor to determine the success or failure of the same family. Similar expectations in terms of family roles give birth to a successful marriage while different expectations cause divorce. In case both spouses are modern, it is perfect, in the same case; it will work well if both are traditional. Conflicts arise when wives are more modern or contemporary as compared to husbands, whom they consider as right roles for wives and husbands. Children grow up in families that have ideologies that they emulate. When the children grow up in families where parents are divorced for instance, they will always tend to take the behavior of the side that is always closer to them or with them most of the time. The personality of the parents is a great factor in determining the success of families that are either divorced or married. Behavioral traits like individual emotional stability, self-control, responsibility, and affection determine the success of those relationships in a massive way. Children grow up internalizing what they see around them. As they grow up, children from married parents will strive to be like their parents (Howell, 2009). They will aim at forming lasting relationships because they have their parents as role models. Those from divorced parents have no role models to look up to, so most of the times might end up in abusive relationships or short lasting ones. Others may even end up being victims of divorce just like their parents. Generally, family structures have various effects on how children grow and develop. They learn from their environment. Compared to divorce children, married parents children grow up experiencing love, affection and attention from both of their parents. For divorce children, they undergo pain, depression and emotional drain as they grow up. This is because they do not spend most of their lives with both of their parents, as they are mostly alone. The society needs to help divorced children, so that they can also live a life in the normal way, just like those from married parents. In addition divorced parent need to find time to spend with their children to assure them that their life is aligned and orderly in all perspectives (Parrot & Parrot, 2002). In conclusion, once people marry, some factors tend to influence the likelihood of success in the marriage. Some of them include attitude, which is democratic. It is a case where both partners seek cooperation and compromise in a more functional manner. Secondly, in laws play a significant role in ensuring that a marriage is successful. This is evident in the case where couples live at a closer distance to their parents. The in laws can play a negative role or a positive role. A common interest in a marriage is a factor that creates the difference in the success of the marriage or a failure of the same. In cases of divorce, it plays a role in causing the divorce (Roberts, 2007). Couples divorce because they lack interests that are common and uniting. The interests ensure that couples participate in similar issues of common interest. This leads to the success of their marriage. Therefore, it is most likely that divorced families do not have a unifying factor or a common goal in a relationship, which leads to the break up. Children do strengthen a marriage that is already in existence. They act as a unifying factor in times of differences because the parents will always sit back and think about the welfare of their children before deciding to break up. There are many differences in the success of married families and divorced families. The fact remains that married families still play a significant role in ensuring that children grow up in a balanced way. They have a perception of a man and that of a woman about issues that affect us in the society. Many couples will have the aspects that lead to a successful marriage but will fail to implement them or use them appropriately. Families that are married tend to live better and bring up their children in an all round manner (Cherlin, 2009).   References Cherlin, A. J. (2009). The marriages go round, The state of marriage and the family in America today. New York: Alfred A. Knopf. Howell, M. L. (2009). Divorce and children. ,Farmington Hills, MI: Greenhaven Press. Reynolds, L. R., & Reynolds, L. R. (2011). Parenting through. divorce:. Helping your children thrive during and after the split. New York, NY: Skyhorse Pub. Roberts, C. C. (2007). Creation and covenant: The significance of sexual difference in and for the moral theology of marriage. New York: T & T Clark International. Parrott, L., & Parrott, L. L. (2002). The love list: Eight little things that make a big difference in your marriage. Grand Rapids, Mich: Zondervan. Weitzman, L. J. (2010). The divorce revolution: the unexpected social and economic consequences for women and children in America. New York: Free Press. Read More